Published August 21, 2011
Lost in a sea of strangers
Silently they call my name
Hands grasping onto me
Pulling me in many directions
Soft sobs of indecision
Love always comes with pain
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
138,928 Literary Works • 672,329 Reviews
I enjoyed this poem, it was short... But, as I always say.. big things come in small packages... =)
I liked the whole idea and plot of it,it got the point across in such a short time. I did however feel sad that it ended so fast, if you could expand it maybe make each line into a stanza on it's own!
Spoiler
The whole point of this poem (for you who don't understand) is to be mysterious, dark, and invoke emotion. Every line in this poem stands for the darker side of life, love, and loss. As for the specific questions:
the answer would be me, but telling you this is almost ruing the overall mystery of the poem
When you embrace all the pains of life you will understand... all are connected by the feeling of hopelessness, pain, and total indecisiveness <which to me is the hardest to deal with. Also they are connected by life in general!!
I hope this helps you understand and doesn't ruin the poem for you!
Lost in a sea of strangers,
Silently they call my name.
Hands grasping onto me-
Pulling me in many directions.
Soft sobs of indecision;
Love always comes with pain.
Honestly, I still have no bloody Idea what this poem's about.
Nevertheless- It's beautiful!
But I disliked the fact it was very unclear and related, I just don't understand what the lines have to do with each other.
Please explain to me when you have the chance.
Thanks, and keep writing,
SubjectBlue.
I like the overall intent and I'm defiantly not saying that there's anything that you absolutely need to change about this. A poem is a poem and some critique just isn't necessary. I strongly dislike it when I write something and the advice people give basically sums up to " You need to change everything about this piece." So please don't take any of this harshly, these are just some recommendations.
First, grammar.
This brought a lot of mixed emotions when I read it. It made me feel somewhat alone and cold. Maybe even empty, at first, even if that's an oxymoron. I then felt understanding and relation. I don't know the main topic, but I love how readers can find their own meaning when they read this piece. It seems kind of chopped up and thrown together, in a way, but that isn't a bad thing. I question who or what the 'soft sobs' are coming from. You or the hands? Maybe that question was your intentions.
The ending is confusing but nice at the same time. It makes the topic more clear and it expresses the main emotion of the piece. I now know that this poem may have something to do with love, rather than just being emotionally or physically lost.
I liked it. I hope this helped and please keep writing!
So overall I really liked this, it was inspiring and deep even though it was short! It was a little confusing at times though, disrupts in the flow and I'm also a fan of punctuation which you haven't used. Below is a few edits that I'd make;
Lost in a sea of strangers,
Silently they call my name.
Hands grasping onto me I split this line into two since it disruppted the flow
Pulling me in many directions.
Soft sobs of indecision,
Love always comes with pain. I love this last line, it's powerful, dark and beautiful but I feel like it needs an explanation. Why does love come with pain? I feel the darkness in this poem, but you don't go that far deep into what's going on. I don't really get if this is a metaphore of something or... well, personally I need a little clarification
Finally, I just want you to know, that I thought this was a really nice poem to read, I'd just which for it to be expand to fill in the blanc spots
Good Work & Keep Writing
// Demoness
This is really interesting, because it's so short, but it inspires so much emotion. I don't think it could be improved, it's succinct and perfect as it is. Enjoyable, intriguing and definitely emotional. I liked this a lot.