Young Writers Society

wow
nothing to critique at all! this poem really paints a unique picture in my mind...
totally in love with this! i shall award you a gold star and add it to my STARRED list =]
i love it! (yes i shall repeat myself) *throws love at the poem*

Good day AnAbstractHeart,

I really enjoyed this but there are some things you may need to edit.
corrections/suggestions in bold

Oh darling, darling,
It seems you found me out!--add 've to you.
My hands are stained with that of the dead.
I can't control my lust for crimson red.these two lines seem a little awkward.

I bury my problems in the basement
They're sleeping underground
I just can't stand to sleep alone
So I like to keep them around.

They, sleep under me.
In the ground
Right where they should be.--you've made this obvious.
Don't you look at me!
I can just taste the hate,
There's nothing here to be done.
Darling it's too late.

It's not like it used to be,
When my heart was clean,
And my mind was free.--i like this line

But that's all changed now.
But every thing's changed now!--maybe take away the but in second line.

It's just one more,
It's just one more
That's what I said.--I think you should only use these lines two times at the max.
It's just one more
It's just one more
That's what I said.

It's just one more
It's just one more
That's what I said!


It's just one more
It's just one more
That's what I said!


So now close your eyes,
And hold your breath
The time has come,
To join the rest.

Don't you dare look me in the eye,
Makes it much easier
Please don't cry.

Flesh and bone's overrated anyway,
There's nothing here for us,
At the end of the day.

There's plenty to
keep you company down there.
They are old rotten,--change to a period

So just don't stare,
Just don't stare,
Just don't stare!

My hands aren't as clean as you think either,Darling
You may keep them underground,
But where I put the bodies,
They'll never be found.

Then will you take my life my love?
And bury me deep,
For I fear that if my grave is shallow,
I may not stay asleep.--loved these lines :]

We can both rest down there,
For I don't like to sleep alone,
We can pretend like we were happy
And make the ground our home.

It's as cold as our hearts.
So we will finally feel like we belong.
I may be many things,
But one of them certainly isn't strong.

I just can't live with what I've done anymore.
They haunt me continuously at night.
My tainted soul poisons my mind,
It's grip is painfully tight.--beautifully said.

Join me at the bottom of this hole.
I dug it extra deep.
Here is where we will hold each other.
Here is where we will forever sleep.--good job on the ending, it's perfect