What is Poetry?

Hi!
So, I thought this was really good. To me it doesn't seem like a jumble; in fact it seems very well thought-out and put together. I like how you didn't dwell on the same idea for too long, made it a lot more interesting. You achieved a nice flow at the beginning with this part especially

A poem touches down
and flutters like a butterfly,
a lovely image hovering.
Its wings are strings of words
beckoning you closer
to read,
to listen,
to understand.

Words beat out the rhythm
of thundering war drums,
or tap the sweeter beat
of a sonnet, a ballad.

They draw you into an ocean,
waves washing over you,
leaving you powerless in vast deepness,
and knowledge,
and meaning.

The butterfly flaps its wings.
Meaning changes,
the message falls out of focus.
The words blur, but the beauty remains.

I really loved this -for many reasons.

You did a great job in taking on a different style of writing than most teenagers do. It's much more metaphorical, and flows differently than a lot of the stuff I've read. I've already reviewed this once on paper, but one thing I forgot to include my notes was the sudden change in the last two lines. It's very interesting, how it contrasts with the rest of the piece. I liked it.


~Condirant

You're playing with words, which is nice to see in a young writer. Someone who is willing to use imagery and metaphor. Its a quality that most younger poets seem to lack in their quest of trying to get something across.

Its interesting that you chose to write a poem about poems. I'm not too sure if such is really a very original concept, but I won't go too into details on that subject. What I want to get across is that its time you started using your words and your metaphor effectually instead of rampantly.

What I mean by this, of course, is that this poem, in itself, seems like an eclectic jumble of what all sorts of beginnings without really having any follow through. You jump from the soft images to stark and rigid images far too often, leaving a very dented and uncomfortable juxtaposition. That being said, the poem could not fully be enjoyed with so much going on rather than an idea being plotted out in a connective manner.

Now, what I saw was that you tried for connection with the butterfly metaphor, but you don't keep it well. You jump from that to the war drums, to the ocean, and then back again. That being said, you leave the reader with a sense of being overwhelmed and exasperated, unsure of what to take from this. I do agree that poetry takes one in many different directions, but if we should see it as something like that, maybe you should find a metaphor that explains direction rather than simply pointing out the directions it goes. It turns out to be too list-like when you put it in this manner.

Next on my list is redundancy. Now, I see that you are trying. I can tell simply because you are putting enough effort into metaphor and your diction that it seems empty, as if more of the analytical mind was used for passion rather than your heart, and poetry should be an impression from the heart rather than the mind. Its why it can come across as sometimes all mixed up and sometimes smooth and calm. Poetry takes on the will of the writer and the passion the writer takes for their piece. Its why poetry is so beautiful.

So this lacked real emotion for me. It fretted too much in words rather than in the entirety of which could have been simpler but more profound nonetheless.

Redundancy, yes. I was saying something about that earlier! In any case, ways to see that you over thought this poem would be when you do things like this;

Its wings are strings of words
beckoning you closer
to read,
to listen,
to understand.
Words beat out the rhythm