Entry 1: I loved the contrast in this poem between the idea of the constancy of the world and our own precarious position. I also really liked the rhythm of the lines, with their simple sentences and one-phrase lines. One thing I would say is that I was a little confused about the last line where you talking about how “our ashes twine”. I assume, because of the overall theme of the poem, that you’re discussing some aspect of death, but I don’t know which aspect, or what exactly you're trying to say about death and humanity.
Entry 2: I really loved the concrete images in this poem, of darkness, of flame, and of wings. There was a lot of great imagery that really solidified the speaker’s defiant tone. You managed to convey that the speaker is being hurt by someone in their life without expressly saying it, using comparisons with wings and scars and fire. However, I felt like the last line of the third stanza “Roast me. Toast me. Make me into stew” didn’t seem to fit into the tone of the poem. “Roast me. Toast me” sounds like something from a bad rap battle, and “make me into stew” feels a little too whimsical for the poem. I can see that the speaker is trying to taunt their tormentor, but I would suggest reworking the line so it uses another description to convey that feeling.
Entry 3: I loved this poem! I feel like it’s especially poignant for this collection, where you “confide” in a piece of paper multiple times. I also really liked that you used one long stanza, instead of breaking it up into multiple ones. One long stanza really emphasized the completeness of the message, and the unbroken sentiment. I also really liked how you used personification of paper in the first three lines, but then describe paper as “insentient”. I think those two comparisons really showed the versatility of paper. However, like in the last poem, I found some lines that didn’t really seem to fit with the tone of the poem. Throughout most of the poem, the tone is formal, and the writing almost Shakespearian. But then, in the middle, you write “just vent it all. It’s fine to flail”. This took on a more informal, a more modern tone, and it also contained two sentences in one line, different from the rest of the poem. Both of those things made it really stick out from the surrounding lines. Maybe that was intentional, but otherwise I would suggest making it a little more formal in the writing style.
Entry 4: Your descriptions in this poem are really great. I love how instead of having the speaker say “I am starving”, you write that there are “no greens I can uproot”. That perfectly conveys the desperation of their situation. I also really love the line “the moon is out of track”. The moon is supposed to be a constant, but the fact that it is also messed up says a lot about the situation. However, I was confused by the last two lines of the poem. Maybe there’s just a reference I’m not getting, but it didn’t seem to make any sense. Who is Atropos? Why is Atropos ending the weft? What is ending the weft? I thought it especially confusing, because after calling on someone to “end the weft”, the speaker says they “need just one”. I thought it a strange transition to go from calling for something to be ended to needing “just one”, and I also didn’t really know what that “just one” was. Again, maybe there’s a reference I just don’t get, but the last two lines were pretty confusing to me.
Entry 5: I thought this was really sweet. It’s a lovely poem about grief, and there are so many haunting, beautiful descriptions. You tied it up really well at the end, as the speaker says “please wait for me, my dear.” I love how even though this poem is an elegy, it’s the speaker’s love that really shines through.
Overall, these poems were great! I really loved all the imagery and descriptions, and the themes were all very poignant and emotionally impactful.
Points: 7
Reviews: 100
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