Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Countless majestic explosions littered the slowly rotating red Agamemnon, a star named after one of the ancient kings of old Earth. The solar winds caused by the explosions lashed out into the emptiness of space, as if searching for something to obliterate in order to calm the star's fiery heart. All this gave the star the appearance of the centre of a gigantic, hellish volcano. It was an ancient star, quite near the end of its life, though to call it's death "near" by any other standards than the measures of stars, would have been lying. It radiated light in amounts incalculable around it, giving life and illumination to the three planets orbiting it, Etreus, Romanai, and Argivius. Though the sun remained unchanged as it had for ten billion years and would for another hundred thousand, the planets around it were soon to receive far more abrupt and violent change in the form of the Angels of Death; the Space Marines.
Okay...this paragraph just sort of lulls you into a nice sense of this cosmic imagery all peaceful and beautiful in its grand scale and then it just makes you kind of come crashing to halt in your train of though with how it ends there. That's a powerful little switchup there. I have no idea what exactly your plan is with this opening but it absolutely does manage to get your attention and do it quite powerfully too. I love the imagery and just that sudden reveal there which just sort of pops straight out of nowhere.
Every breath was like a wall of ice cold spikes being run into his chest, every step a boulder more to be dragged by his already faltering feet. He was wandering across a dark red wasteland where dreamlike pillars of crimson stone rose from the ground like spears of frozen blood. He was exhausted beyond measure, every second robbing him of strength like aging a decade. He was alone. His sight swam for a moment, then it suddenly sank into a menacing ocean of deep darkness. Then a question came to him like the morning sun, scorching away the feelings of misery from the depths of his mind. Who was he? At that question the world vanished... and he woke up.
Okay...not sure how to react to that ending there. On principle I really am not a fan of, oh he just proceeded to walk up style endings because it just entirely ruins the entire atmosphere that you build up, if this is maybe part of a bigger and there's more to come, this could work to send some sort of message, but just as its own on a first chapter especially, this just doesn't work too well. So yeah while we have a beautiful effect created here, with this ending it now all just rings hollow and I really am not sure what sort of effect you want there.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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