What We Want Prolouge

Interesting work. I love your technique. Elena seems like quite the character I would fall in love with. The concept is great, can't wait for this to come out! Keep me updated!!! A few grammatical errors, but it was great nonetheless. Keep up the good work. Although, how will Elena become Queen?

Review time!
I love the basic premise and the phrasing, but I noticed a couple things.

"throughout the school year...my answer changed drastically and sometimes I wonder....what would my answer be today?" Too many "..."s I would replace some of those with other punctuation.

"Quiet? was my first response." mabby add "that" between "was" and the question mark

"Of course today it would be Loud." comma between "course" and "today"

"have a little help from my friend and girlfriend Mia." comma between "girlfriend" and "Mia"

"where we aren't legally be together" add "allowed to" between "legally" and "be"

"that....and it all starts" one to many dots

hope this helps!

<3 -Corvus

Errors:
"Elena can you describe yourself in one word?" should have a comma after the word Elena.

When you say "I don't know for certain but it would have changed." you should have inserted a comma after the word certain.

All, the times you put a .... in, it should be 3 periods, not 4.

Suggestions:
Make it longer. It gives the reader an idea of what the general plot is, but it is made up of just a quote and a long paragraph.

Make it more descriptive. You lay down the plot pretty well, but this seems like a short epilogue mixed with a summary of the basic plot. You never mention what grade she's in, what school she's in, or what the teacher's name is. All you do is mention the kingdom of Arlington and Mia.

Indent. I think that you should turn that huge paragraph into several smaller ones.

Feedback:
Good job. while you didn't describe somethings and didn't indent, it gives me an overall view of what the plot is, and it kind of foreshadows the future of the book.

Errors:
"Elena can you describe yourself in one word?" should have a comma after the word Elena.

When you say "I don't know for certain but it would have changed." you should have inserted a comma after the word certain.

All, the times you put a .... in, it should be 3 periods, not 4.

Suggestions:
Make it longer. It gives the reader an idea of what the general plot is, but it is made up of just a quote and a long paragraph.

Make it more descriptive. You lay down the plot pretty well, but this seems like a short epilogue mixed with a summary of the basic plot. You never mention what grade she's in, what school she's in, or what the teacher's name is. All you do is mention the kingdom of Arlington and Mia.

Indent. I think that you should turn that huge paragraph into several smaller ones.

Feedback:
Good job. while you didn't describe somethings and didn't indent, it gives me an overall view of what the plot is, and it kind of foreshadows the future of the book.

Hey Membb <3 Here to drop a sweet review on this prologue of yours!

First off, a quick link -- I'm pretty sure I've given you this before, but To prologue or not to prologue is p useful.

This prologue seems more like a bit of an infodump that could have been better shown, rather than told -- sprinkle bits here and there through the first chapter, and leave the "We couldn't be together, but We Have A Plan" for the first chapter to really hook the reader in action.

As it is, this is just a paragraph of the reader being told "Hey, this is what's happening, and here's what we'll do!" Which can always, always be better shown through actual character action.

Second off -- grammar! I know, my favorite part. It's annoying, and can sometimes be left for draft 2 or even 3, but when bad grammar and punctuation distracts the reader, it should be dealt with. I had a hard time parsing a couple of sentences in this incredibly short piece because of your punctuation. I'd go through line by line but that's annoying; instead, just pick up a copy of Strunk & White's Elements of Style or something and check it out. Very useful book to have on hand, and it might illustrate a couple of rules you don't understand as well as you could.

Third -- Arlington is...probably not a good name for a kingdom. 1: It's a town name (note the '-ton' ending). 2: It's the name of a national cemetery and/or Robert E Lee's old house. It's pretty well known in the US.

Now I do really really like the world you're setting up! Your characters sound interesting, and I'm excited to see what you're going to do with the storyline. My main critique here is with the delivery of the idea, not with the idea itself. The idea is wonderful and gorgeous and awesome -- the delivery, not so much.

What can you do to polish it up? Split this prologue up and sprinkle it in the character backstory. We don't need to know this all at once; this can be fed to us slowly but surely throughout the first chapter. Brush up on a few of the more complex grammar rules, and make sure you're spacing out your sentences -- and be careful not to use too many ellipses! Ellipses are the crutch of a writer who doesn't want to use any other kind of punctuation. Dashes are my crutch, so trust me, I get it. Just go back and edit the ellipses into semicolons, or colons ("sometimes I wonder: what would my answer be?"), or periods or commas or something.

You're the best! <3 Have fun writing!