Sometimes friendship can happen out of nowhere You meet a random stranger and before long you’re exchanging numbers, Skype usernames, pretty much anything that will help you stay in contact with each other. You find out more about each other and you slowly learn to trust this person with everything. I made a bunch of friends when I joined a writing website last October.
At first I didn’t know how to be friends with the others, they all seemed to know each other already and I was just the new person who didn’t know anything or anyone. I thought to myself that I wouldn’t be able to make friends. But a lot of chatters proved me wrong, I have been a member at Young Writers Society for four, almost five months now and if I made a list of who my friends were it’d be a long list.
I chose to tell you about my best friend AncientForever. I know them by many names but for the sake of keeping them unknown I’m going to use the username I associate them with the most.Anci was one of the first people to welcome me to the site. We call them our Dragon Parent, because Anci is a dragon.
Back when I first joined I felt like I couldn't trust anyone, so I told choked, I didnt know what to do. Ancient is the one who snapped me out of it. They took the time to get to know who I really am, they gave me great advice that I followed. Ancient and I are best friends.
*
The main person behind the magic of YWS is a man named Nate. Now he doesn't just update and make sure the site is running smoothly, he makes sure that no pedophiles get on or stay on the site very long. He cares about the safety of the members of the site. He also talks and interacts with members as much as he possibly can. He has his helpers around the site known to all members as the MODS.....Yes a capital M.O.D.S.
The MODS are all loved (though some favor others). Spark,Iggy,Pompy,Rosey,Big Brother. chiko, (the Amazing) Forti. Aria, Flite, Arkhaion (AncientForever), TimmyJake, and many, many more. The MODS keep an eye on chat and stop spammers and make sure everyone feels safe and comfortable. They also ensure (as does Nate) that the main rule of Family Friendliness is maintained.
At YWS there are different people who work together to complete the family within, weather you're a MOD, a Member, Or Nate himself we all have a special role to play in the mechanics of a site. We all love and care for each other as a family should. That is why I am recognizing all the amazing people on YWS.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Partner <3
Heyo, I'm here to
knock this work out of the Greenroom because I don't like tearing apart your works because ilu and so on and so forthreview. As Mori has said, I have no idea what ROTC is, so it'd be good idea to tell us what that acronym stands for. Otherwise, that title is pretty much meaningless to us.Ah, that aside I don't quite know what I want to say on this. There are a lot of grammatical mistakes and spelling mistakes in here that you need to fix up. I'm just gonna take the first paragraph as an example and point out main points that needs to be fixed.
Now, Morri has already polished it up for you but I'm just going to tell you exactly what you need to watch out for in your future writing. You forgot a period between 'nowhere' and 'you'. If this is an actual essay, than you will have to cut back on the informal tone of voice here, be as succinct as possible and eliminate any unwanted words. This doesn't just happen in the first paragraph, but throughout this essay where you have words that duplicates their meanings.
Moving onto the content, it's all very lovely and wonderful to see you appreciating the amazingness of YWS and especially us mods, because let's admit. We're all fab people. <3 Joking aside, I found the content itself to be quite disjointed. One half you spent talking about Anci and using that to illustrate how friendship can be born (and it's a great point) if you continue to develop that idea and how the friendship affected you and your future behaviour. But then, you switched to YWS mods, *just* like
Too bad this isn't DW. Point being, you can't just suddenly jump from one to the other. I don't see how mods and Anci is related (yes Anci is a mod but I feel that your point here is to focus on the friendship the two of you developed). Also, there is a fair amount of info-dumping towards the end on what the mods do and what Nate does (which most people know already). This is another case of show don't tell, present that information through action or a case study or something like that. It becomes much more interesting.
It feels really weird criticising a work about YWS...and that brings me to the end of this review. If you've got question, ask.<3
-Partner.
Hey, Mem.
This is very lovely and all, but you've got some mad grammar issues going on here. Also, if you're trying to write this with a professional tone, and to someone who doesn't know anything about YWS, you might have some trouble with it. Also, is the content right for an ROTC paper?
Let me begin with the content. I'm not too sure what ROTC is, but if I'm right, it wants the good things about you, not other people. If this is right, we have a problem. The only thing in the paper about you is how Arkahion helped you stop lying about your family. That's nice to put in, but the rest of the paper should probably be filled with fluff about yourself. What you've accomplished, why you're proud of it. And don't start whining to me about how you haven't accomplished anything because that's obnoxious. Of course you have. Even small things count.
Now, if content isn't an issue, tone probably is. Don't say "you" in place of "I" like you have in the first paragraph. That's too casual. Try writing exclusively in the first person, and talk as if you were talking to someone you might want to get a job out of. You're probably not going to want to talk this way to a potential future employer. Here, let me give you an example.
Instead of what you've got in the first paragraph, a more polished version might be in order:
So basically, polish it up.
I'm not going to include my grammar adjustments in this review-- I'll be back to do that later in a comment. It would feel like cheating ^_^
Hope you found this useful. Please tell me about the guidelines for this essay so I can understand how to help you better.