Hiya, Mem! Thought I'd drop in for a quick review.
Small Comments
He felt the bones of it beneath his war-scarred hands, muscles knotted under the stresses of the day.
The bones of what? His own hands? The hands caressing him? The throne? I was rather confused by this.
"Since when do you care about the inner intimacies of me and my own thoughts?", Aldis asked with a sarcastic purr.
To be honest, this doesn't seem like sarcasm to me. It's more just a rhetorical question. Saying that he 'purred' the words is a nice description, though.
Getting up from the throne, joints popping as he moves, Aldis walked past
Watch your tenses. Most of the piece is in past tense, but this is one of a few occasions ('this world is not so beautiful' is another example) where you slip into present tense. Keep it consistent.
the chiseled writhing stone forms
I'm kind of confused by what you mean by 'writhing'. That would suggest the columns were moving.
He placed his right flat in a small dip at the seam.
His right what?
Overall Thoughts
So, I do think this is a mysterious start to the piece. Like Asith says, you're good at creating that grand, regal but also sombre tone needed for a piece like this. You conjure up the strangeness and coldness of the setting really well, and your descriptions of Aldis evoke a brilliant sense of age and weariness. The mood of the piece is spot on.
But your description can feel a little unfinished at times, as partway demonstrated in the small comments. Sometimes you use adjectives that aren't always that appropriate, or you just use more words than are needed, making the phrasing cumbersome. Like when you talk about 'the stone forms of columns' - why not just say 'the stone columns'? It's exactly the same meaning, just delivered more concisely. I know that long, flowery language is a part of medieval-style stories, but the words still have to count. Descriptions shouldn't be long-winded for the sake of it.
The plot, as well, is really hard to make out. Aldis seems to be some decrepit old Norse god, as far as I can glean, but I didn't really make out anything more than that. There's something to be said for holding your cards close to your chest - there's nothing worse than an overabundance of exposition - but we need enough information to reel us in. I kind of want to know why he's left the castle, why he's going into this odd, ugly world with the empty streets and dead animals. We don't need to know the whole of it, obviously, but I'd like some hint as to what he's doing and why.
That said, I'm a sucker for stories that involve travelling between worlds, so I may well keep reading. It's certainly not a bad start, but it needs a bit more fine-tuning. Clearer and more economical description, a smidgen of more exposition to light the way, then you'll be golden. I feel like this chapter could be longer, to be honest. It reads more like a prologue than a chapter one.
That's all from me for now. If you've got any other questions, please do ask!
Keep writing!
~Pan
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