Sereen couldn't believe it. Her grandmother was a Keeper. She had no idea it was true. She accepted it might be true, but she Half expected not to find another keeper.
Somewhere deep inside she didn't believe it.Well she was proved wrong.
The girl hopped of the fence, dusted her clothes with her hands, and fixed her long black hair.
"Helloooo?" the girl said, While Sereen stood there in awe.
A nudge on the arm from her brother snapped her back from her thoughts.
"Hello" the girl said holding out her hand to Sereen."My name is Gratina."
Sereen hesitated for a moment before shaking Gratina's hand.
"My my name is Sereen." She said slightly out of it."And your a keeper."Sereen continued
"Yes" Gratina said troubled."Are you surprised? You seemed so confident who I was a few moments ago?"
"No um... I mean yes." She said in a panic." Its just....This is my Brother Seldon."
Gratina just smiled reassuringly,then turned her attention to Seldon.
"Hello Seldon,Its nice to meet you."she said as she held out her hand.
"Nice to meet you." He said shaking it.
"Oh and please excuse my Sister she tends to panic when shes not
sure of herself.
"I am sure of myself Seldon. I'm a bit uneasy" she said nudging his arm.
"That's the same thing." He said laughing softly.
Sereen looked at her brother with evil eyes clearly telling him not to embarrass her even more or else.
He got the message and quickly stopped Laughing.
"Are we finished? Or do I have to give you a time out." Gratina said mockingly.
Sereen and Seldon looked at each other noticing that they had both made fools of themselves.
"Yes." They said plainly together.
"Good.Then come come with me."Gratina said with a small laugh then she started walking, and they followed.
She may have been a short person but she had plenty of attitude to make up for it.
Gratina Led them Beyond the little log fence to a stone cottage.It was like a miniature Castle
with beautiful embroidered doors and windows.With only three stone steps to mark the main door which was wide open.
The only way to tell royalty did not live here was the chicken coup in the front of the yard.
Sereen and Seldon ducked there heads as they entered the cottage.
They were in a small room lit by the sunlight coming from one of the windows on each of the four walls.
There were two small comforter chairs and one single small table in between them,surrounding an empty fireplace.
Gratina led them through the cozy room to a small opening where they had to duck there heads again,to enter what looked like a kitchen.There was a short old woman with black and gray hair wearing an apron standing in front of some sort of square shaped invention that could produce flames,stirring a broth in a pot.
"Grandmother." Gratina said to her."She's Hear."
The old woman turned around and looked at her granddaughter, then Sereen, then Seldon, then Sereen again through the half spectacles she wore just above her rosy cheeks.
"My goodness" The old woman spoke almost as cheery as she looked. Surprised, she moved closer to Sereen.
"You look just like your grandmother dear." The womans expression was eccentric.She couldn't believe how much this girl looked like her old friend.
"You too my boy!"The woman said noticing Seldon.
"I see your Twins.Tonia didn't say your were born with a twin."she said to Sereen.
Sereen was baffled. Her grandmother didn't tell her she was born with a twin? This old lady was informed of her birth? What was this old lady saying? Just when Sereen was going to ask these questions aloud, Seldon beat her to it.It must be Twin Telepathy she thought.
"My grandmother informed you of Sereen's birth?"He said curiously.
"Yes.All of the former Keepers were. How ever she failed to mention you handsome."
She gave him a smile and a wink. Seldon was taken back by it.It almost frightened him,but amused Sereen.
"Grandmother Ayley! Stop! your scaring him!" Gratina said admonishing her grandmothers actions.
"Oh Gratina I'm just messing him about.Why don't you put on some tea. I feel Tonia has not told her grand children everything."
They sat in the small cozy room in the front of the house. The old woman sat in one of the two comforters.And Sereen sat in the other
,While Seldon stood.
"First your names. Mine is Ayley,you know my granddaughter Gratina."The old woman said.
"I am Sereen and this is Seldon."
The old woman stared at Sereen.
"You truly are the spiting Image of your grandmother." She said taking Sereen's hand.
" You have that same red hair and soft green eyes.I believe she used them to capture the heart of your grandfather."
She gave a slight chuckle an patted Sereen' hand."Oh yes and lets not forget her curious mind."
"It seems Sereen's inherited that also." Seldon said.
Sereen was honored to hear how much she and her grandmother were alike. But did her grandmother have the same doubts about being a keeper?
"That sword you have young man did your grandfather give it to you?"Ayley asked.
"No my grand mother, why?"He said sitting on the arm of Sereen's chair.
"That is your grandfathers sword.That is a Furosiyan sword.It was made for him.The symbol on it means care.The wise old blacksmith told him."Use this to protect the ones you care about"And he did."
Seldon looked at the sword then at his sister who was looking at him.Then he looked at the old woman.
"Miss Ayley?" Seldon started."why is it our grandmother sent notice to the other keeper of My sisters Birth?"
She let Sereen's hand go and looked at Seldon.
"It was apart of the plan.How else would we know when this journey would start?"she said with that same cheery smile.
"I don't get it Sereen said."
Gratina came in with four cups of tea on top of a silver trey.She put the trey on the small table, and then sat on the arm of her grandmothers chair.
"Whats not to get?" Gratina said "They timed when the journey would begin on the youngest granddaughter of the keeper.You!"
Sereen touched her chest."Me,I'm the youngest?"
"Well it took you long enough."Gratina said
"That would explain why my grandmother never mentioned me." Seldon said.
"Yes that would explain it ."Sereen said."But I cant believe I"m the youngest!"Sereen said Standing up.
"Well I'm only the third youngest so i have nothing to complain about."Gratina said chuckling to her self.
"Alright settle down young ones you mustn't forget your on time schedule."
The three of them looked at each other then smiled.
"Yeah we really should be going."Gratina said gesturing to the door.
"Gratina!"Her grandmother said walking over to her.Her voice was different it was more soft and subtle almost sad.
"Yes grandmother?"Gratina took her grandmothers hands.
They starred at each other for a good long while.They both knew what she was getting herself into.
Ayley tried to prepare herself for this moment for forty long years and she still cant bare the fact of her granddaughter following in her dangerous footsteps.
Gratina gave her grandmother a hug and held her tightly.
Ayley took in a breath of her granddaughter to remember her smell if she doesn't come back.
"Are you packed?"Ayley asked
'mmhhmm"Gratina said.
"Be careful"Ayley said
"I will"Gratina said letting go of her grandmother.
Come on Gratina said and they left the Miniature Mansion.
"Hold on I forgot something." Gratina said.
She went to the small shed on the side of the House and got a bow. And arrows that had small orbs on the ends of them.
"Now I'm ready.
They just left the log fence when they heard a male voice.
"WAIT I'M COMING WITH YOU!"
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: So this is part of some sort of story. I was not expecting that. I believe I read the first part of this already so that works out fine. Always nice to run into an unexpected part 2. Like the first one this one flowed a lot smoother as well and some of the ways that you chose to write the first part make a lot more sense now that I can see that you've also got yourself a part 2.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Really interesting place to start things off. That's for sure.
I think you accidentally pressed enter there without meaning to.
I don't think you need to spell this out for the reader. You can understand this from the way the character is written.
That looks like another accidental paragraph break right there and that description is fine but it teetering on the edge of being a little too rushed and very short.
This here is a pretty good description. Definitely conveys a nice image of our main character here.
The message there sounds a little cartoonish and that contradicts the rest of the story a little but that's the way I say it. Maybe you were going for something else here.
This one is shifting the POV a little I see. Not a problem just pointing it out in case you meant it to sound like something else.
Well that's quite an interesting place to end this. Definitely makes you want to read more of this. If there ever is a part three I hope to one day run into it just like I ran into this particular one.
Aaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall this was pretty well written. The flow was nice and the pacing worked pretty well. The introductions seemed a touch repetitive but that's not a huge problem. The conversations certainly sounded pretty realistic and it was a fun story to read so good job on that.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I have to agree with GryphonFledgling...
I'll read it once you fix it up.
I'll admit, I didn't finish this. What with whatever with going on with the formatting, spacing errors, punctuation, capitalization and misuse of words, I just could not work my way through. I would suggest that you print out a hard copy and have someone else go through and mark all of the unnecessary capital letters, and edit the punctuation and misused words so that you can fix them. That is one thing that a computer can't do for you, since to its spell check, the words are spelled fine, but to the human reader in context they are the wrong words.
Sorry, but this was just too painful for me to read.
Good luck!
~GryphonFledgling