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by Amethyst101


Did I love her? No.

Did I like the way she made me feel? At times.

Do I blame her for the damage? I only blame myself.

One of the many things that I have grown to hate about myself is the fact that I grow attached. Yet, one of the things that I love, is my ability to love. I've realized that most of my sorrows were caused by my own self delusion, but I can't help but place the blame on the both of us for what has happened…

She was my best friend, we had known each other since forever and she knew everything: my strengths, my weaknesses, my emotions, and my limits. But then she left, not leaving an empty space, but rather healing craters in my personality that were left by her impact.

It forced me to realize that we're all playing the same game and there can only be a certain amount of winners. I became so accustomed to being depressed, that I felt guilty for being neutral, but, this feeling isn't permanent. It's nearly one of the many obstacles that humans have to fight in our lifetime. Being happy and being successful is so much more than just doing. Anyone can do, those who have truly made it do and think. Even today, I still think about the girl who left, but I use these thoughts to push on through all the hard times I am forced to face.

She told me what to do. She told me what to say. She was in control; all I was allowed to do was watch. I was considered the perpetrator, because I was the only physical face present. I was all that you could see. Therefore, it had to be carrying out these actions, right?

Her thoughts and extremes were like chains. Every day she made sure I was chained down just enough to react, but not enough to escape. I soon learned how to hide myself entirely, because she was the one living my life.

I broke the chains.

Through constant tugging and straining, I had been able to catch glimpses of a beautiful reality, one that promised control and freedom. One that was full of love and nurture. One that promised that I would be able to live the life that I deserve. I used those glimpses as tools and wore away at the steel vines attempting to hold me back. Once I gained the control I needed to fight back, I was pulled into an internal conflict. One that would last a second, yet would feel like ages.

It was extreme vs. rationality.

We both had passion, we both had smarts, but in the end she grew tired of my persistence and left. She's not completely gone, this I know, but what little pieces of her she has left behind, her creativity, her skillfulness, I nurture and keep tucked away for good use.

In the end I began to realize that I wasn't fighting another person, I was fighting myself. I was fighting for stability. And with stability comes the ability to live without fear.

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475 Reviews

Points: 1461
Reviews: 475

Sun Jan 31, 2016 7:43 am
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Apricity wrote a review...

Heyo, Hiraeth here for a review.

I like the way you've written the story, especially with the start and the ending. I don't have much to say about this piece due to how short it is, and considering that this is a story about a girl fighting bi-polar disorder. The only thing I have to say is that I think you can alter some parts of this story to make it more interesting, at the moment it seems like your protagonist is agnoizing over her disorder in a blog-like format. The stream-of-consciousness is good but after a while it sort of petered out and starts to float, for me anyway.

I think you could also expand this a lot more, instead of writing it as a diary format as it is now maybe actually put the MC through a situation and let the readers see how she reacts to it with the disorder. You've got the skeleton of the story here. It just needs a bit fleshing out.



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383 Reviews

Points: 19607
Reviews: 383

Sun Jan 31, 2016 3:39 am
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Sujana wrote a review...

This was a reasonably good story about abusive relationships and finding oneself after the cataclysmic end of one. I feel for this protagonist, surely, because I've witnessed a good number of relationships go awry--and this one's lucky. A lot of those relationships don't end with the same revelation.

Some issues I had (actually, just one):

-I felt it didn't give enough context for the reader to care about the main character. Unless they've experienced it firsthand, they wouldn't know how the girl acted towards the guy. My suggestion is to tuck in a few of the girl's words in there, a little bit of her quirks and natures that made the guy fall in love with her in the first place, a little bit of her flaws that made him grow to dislike her. Obviously you must be tired of hearing it (because I certainly am) , but show us the relationship, don't just tell us.

Great things:

-That first paragraph was awesome in defining the tone. It set everything down and nothing swayed from the path, it's very straightforward and lovely.

Signing out. --EM.

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9 Reviews

Points: 229
Reviews: 9

Sun Jan 31, 2016 12:33 am
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kat13254 wrote a review...

Hey there! I'm Kat and I'm here to review this today. So first to start off I really enjoyed this. The writing was amazing and even though I had to read some parts over since I was a tad confused I still feel the story is great. One flaw I found is it is quite confusing at some parts, as I mentioned before, although this might just be me, and it gets solved if I slowed down and re-read it a few times. Another thing that I like, but I also kind of disliked, is that it seemed a lot was shoved in to a this short-ish story. And, yes, more I like, was the language is phenomenal. The way you worded things, and the style in which you described things just made me love this story, even if I didn't fully understand every little part of it. As for what you could improve on... well for that I would have to say (this isn't even a must, just I had a hard time thinking of something which you really had to improve on) is maybe make it a bit longer so everything doesn't have to be so crammed together. Like I said I really had to struggle to find something to say for that last one and all my critiques in this are mostly like similar things reiterated in different ways. All in all I loved the style, the wording, and the only trouble I had was slowing down to really appreciate it.

I want to shake off the dust of this one-horse town. I want to explore the world. I want to watch TV in a different time zone. I want to visit strange, exotic malls...I want to live, Marge! Won't you let me live?
— Homer Simpson