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Highways and Vigilantes

by Amethyst101


My loved one gazed at me with an intense look of confusion, why? Suddenly my brain went numb. My tongue was tied and my teeth became the bars of a jail cell, holding my truth as the prisoner. In that instant, I realized that I was a criminal. I was a vigilante. I took action to help those in need. I walked empty corridors allowing my fingers to trace the wall staining it with my memories. I stole people’s heart and kept them tucked and locked away somewhere safe. I assaulted those who dared walk past me with a blinding smile and twinkling eyes, reminding them that there is light in this world. I played a good game until I was caught.

The thing about being there for everybody else is you start to lose yourself in the process. Soon you forget what you like to do, and it is engraved in your mind what you have to do. I broke my back for people who can’t even spell my name, but I thought it was okay because it gave purpose.

Purpose, the gas in the engine that pushed us down the highway. The gentle hum of our vehicles the only reminder of those surrounding us. I was low on gas and used my good deeds as pick me ups. Short quick burst of energy that felt like a drug. Seeing the satisfaction, seeing the joy light upon the person’s face. Knowing that I did something good with my existence, even if I felt like I didn’t deserve to breathe that day.

Inevitably, you gain tolerance and my vehicle stalled, what was I supposed to do? I took it as a sign. All the other cars had passed me leaving this road bare and empty. Under the highway, a stream flowed peacefully. Water has always been a metaphor, it possesses the power to both hurt and sustain life. I walk to the edge and ask the wind to tip me over so fault wouldn’t fall toward me. I floated down like the first leaf of fall. Time building up to a head. The water assaults me and pulls me under, and for the first time I can breathe.


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Sun Nov 26, 2017 1:09 pm
LittleLee wrote a review...



Hey there, LittleLee here for a review!
First of all, I really like the way you have described how the narrator is a vigilante. Your writing is almost perfect, but you missed out on quite a lot of punctuation. No matter. Your writing is still very fine.
Why would anyone assault anyone else just because they smiled? I am sorry if I am missing out on something here, but I just don't get that part.
people's hearts, in the plural, not in the singular form.
I'm going to rewrite the second stanza. Since I'm writing this on a wonky tablet, I need to make the italics capital. Sorry for the inconvenience !
"The thing about being for everybody else is that you start to lose yourself in the process. Soon, you forget what you like to do, and what you have to do is engraved in your mind instead. I BROKE MY BACK FOR PEOPLE WHO COULDN'T EVEN SPELL MY NAME, BUT I THOUGHT IT WAS OKAY, BECAUSE IT GAVE ME A PURPOSE."
That's all there is to it.
The rest of the poem is really sweet and sad at the same time... but I don't understand this sentence:
"TIME BUILDING UP TO A HEAD". What is this? Please do elaborate.
I'm sorry to hear you tried to commit suicide... remember, for every person who has hurt you, there will be three more who will love you. Never forget that.
Goodbye!




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Sun Nov 05, 2017 10:04 pm
Radrook wrote a review...



Thanks for sharing this very symbolical story. I like how you represent the transformation of a regular person into one that is fanatically dedicated to doing what they consider good. I also like the reference to that experience as a drugging effect which eventually wears off. I also like how it represents the reaction of people who once knew us and are shocked when they see the change of personality that we underwent seemingly overnight.


I also enjoyed this short story because it seems to describe certain period of my life when I was trying to be a goody-goody and wound up cutting all avenues of escape via rejecting solutions I would have taken otherwise. Never considered myself a vigilante since from my standpoint doing good in life has nothing to do with vigilantism but more to do with Christianity. But I can understand how others might see it as vigilantism.

My vehicle also stalled by becoming more lenient towards what Christians called sin.
Your reference to water seems to be a way to the renewal of your former vigilante ways since you perceive yourself as being left behind by others, To me these other vehicles would have represented fellow Christians who were still in what you refer to as the vigilante mode,

The water under the road to me seems to indicate a rebaptism into a Christian way of life. Of course not saying that is what your intended meaning but simply saying that's how the poem comes across to me.


I was a bit disappointed at the conclusion which tells us that it was all just a dream. I think that it weakens the story. But that is up to you of course.

Again thanks for sharing and keep writing.




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Sun Nov 05, 2017 8:06 pm
anitajaned wrote a review...



Hello!

I quite enjoyed this. I'm not sure how it's fanfiction. Is it supposed to be a particular superhero? I love how you describe the world that your protagonist inhabits. I think my only suggestion would be to make it longer. I want to know a little bit more about the internal conflict that they face that causes them to jump off the bridge.

Good work!





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