Published March 1, 2011
You were always there in the background hiding;
I look back now and see you smiling.
I don’t how I didn’t see it before.
No, I don’t know how I didn’t see it before.
You light up my life and you make me laugh,
You make me forget all my past.
You kissed me once, and you kissed me twice,
Boy, I must say it was nice.
Now, I told you I don’t care, well I lied.
But, dear it wouldn’t work even if we tried.
I just wish that I had seen it before.
Oh, I wish that I had seen it before.
Because, you light up my life and you make me laugh,
You make me forget all my past.
You kissed me once, and you kissed me twice,
Boy, I must say it was nice.
You asked me if I miss you,
My answer to that, just wouldn't be true...
Lying to you, as hard as it is,
I’d rather keep my heart safe.
I'll lock it up, before it’s too late.
I’m afraid deep down inside,
As much as I want to, I can’t hide.
Admitting I miss you,
Would hurt too much,
Because, you don’t miss me,
I don’t have that kind of luck.
I knew this was coming, don’t get me wrong.
I know I can’t have you, I’ve waited this long…
To find Mr. Right, if he’s even real,
So saying good-bye isn’t that big of a deal…
I just wish that I had seen it before.
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140,892 Literary Works • 673,706 Reviews
I don't really see anything that needs to be corrected. I really like it. Keep writing!
-Liz
Thank you both so much! I was writing this so quickly, I didn't even notice te errors. Thank you for pointing them out.
This is really good!
I can relate to this a lot, so i know exactly where you're coming from and i think you've done a really good job of portraying your thoughts into this piece.
The grammatical stuff, other people have already pointed out, so i wont say that again. But something i would change would be to make it more consistent. What i mean is that, towards the beginning i feel like you're a little scared to get it all out there, but then by the end the piece is full-blown with passion. Try and open it up a little at the beginning.
The only other thing is to make sure that your rhyming patterns are consistent. Because for most of the stanzas you're rhyming one line after the other, but in a couple of them, you're rhyming every other stanza.
The inconsistency makes it a little hard to read.
But overall i think you did a super good job!!!!!!!!
Hey there,
A beautiful piece. I think anyone can relate. It's brilliant! Though I'm all full of praise I did notice one or two little errors. Here they are:
"You were always there in the back ground hiding;".... 'Background' is one word
"As much I want to, I can’t hide."- As much 'as' I want to, I can't hide.
"I know can’t have you, I’ve waited this long…"- I know 'I' can't have you, I've waited this long.
Okay. Bravo! revise those few things. It's great. Keep it up!
xxx Upile xxx