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125,020 Literary Works • 672,861 Reviews
Hi-Ya! I personally don't care if the title is spelled wrong. Every work deserves a review regardless if the title is spelled correctly. I really like this one!
My favorite line:
I can totally relate to this feeling of playing the part for others. Not really knowing who youtruly are.
Anyways, I thought the flow was nice and easy and it all came together great! Keep writing!
Hey,
I'm with Ty on this one. Spell memories correctly then I'll read this.
~Jas
I shall read this when you spell memorys* correctly. =] I would have read this, because it seems as if you've had a few good reviews. I'm not fantastic at grammar to say in the least, but the title should be flawless. =] Tryyyy again.
I must say this is a very nice work, i have been out of the game for a while and I think what you did here got me a little lost cause I wasn't too sure where the poem was headed but the conclusion of it all gave the whole poem a great mean and I had to read it the second time to get the real impression of the poem you did a great work, keep it up
Alright, emotions are probably the best way to get a poem. However, when you write it all down at first, it's going to be rough, it's going to be messy and horrible. It is your job to clean it up. To make it beautiful, to make it flow.
You have done some of that, however, I think the poem could be more cleaned up a bit. The line length seems random and choppy, there's some, but not too much flow or rhythm to it. I think you can play around with the words for a bit. You'll find that some way of placing the words sounds better than others.
So far you have a really good start. But then, I see this line:
This line really killed it for me. It's such an overused line. I think you can do better. Look at the first six lines, they're all original, fresh and new. I think you can do the same with this line.
Nice little rhyme here. Although, I would put add some extra words in there.
Liked the ending.
The poem is pretty good, but, I have to question your use of ellipses. Personally, I think the poem would work (and maybe somewhat enhanced) without ellipses. Although that's just my opinion.
I can see that you've captured your emotion pretty well, most of the poem is original, new, real and honest. You really felt the emotions, that's what made it so powerful. Good job on the poem!
P.S. I do believe Memories is spelled without a 'y'. I'm not sure if the spelling for the title was intended or not. But I thought I'd point it out anyways.