Tears of War

Hey there,
I loved your poem. Every thing about it seemed appealing to me. The way you brought up the sentence. Your choice of words. Everything. I like the fact that you spent your time writing about something that never actually come in spotlight.
"Water flows, flower grows" _ amazing choice of words!!
I also love the line "America now, America then, and forever, again."
Congratulations for winning the poem contest
Never quit writing
Fangirl~

I love this poem. There is only one suggestion I want to make,
"America now, America then, and forever, again." What if you split this line up. It would rhyme so it would still flow better.
"America now, America then,
And America forever, again."
You don't have to use this suggestion. We all have different opinions on what to write. I like this poem and I don't think you need to change anything else. You did a great job. You have amazing talent so don't stop using it. Keep writing!!!!!!

Hello, cakerissa!

Cheaper here, ready to review this beautiful piece.
Firstly, I notice the structure is short and sweet with just the right amount of flow, thanks to some rhyme patterns. As a fellow poet, I appreciate this more than the ordinary person and it's a very nice thing to encounter when reading! Secondly, your word choice is exquisite. You don't use a low-level of diction that makes a piece repetitive nor are you trying to incorporate too big of words that ruin the flow unnecessesarily. So well done on that. Lastly, I love how you paint the image of America so simply. It just glides with ease, which is a true, true talent. It appears you more than deserved winning a contest for this. I don't have any constructive criticism, so just keep on writing! Hopefully, I encounter more of your works.

Your friend,

Cheaper

Hi! Berry here to review! (duh)
Nice poem, and congratulations on the writing contest thing!

I don't know if I can really fix anything cause this poem is great and I really like the message about America in it!

Though one thing that you may consider changing is the line,
"People look on with horror, unto thee."

As a person who always rhymes in her poems, I know that it's really hard sometimes, but the unto thee sounds a bit forced. It's a great line and I love it when people use old words like thee and thy, but in this case if sounds a tad out of place. And the "look on with" sounds a bit awkward as well, but of course it is your choice what to do with it and either way it's a great poem.

Also there are times (this may be intentional I can't really tell) where you have commas in places that make some awkward pauses.

For example,
"America now, America then, and forever, again."

Is the comma between forever and again necessary?

And finally,
"And till eternity, we will be, a country that is free."

It may just be me but I feel like the line ends rather abruptly? Maybe consider changing it to;
"And till eternity, we will be, a country that is young and free."

Young may not be the best adjective and you can put any word there but I think you know what I mean.

Other than those edits, wonderful poem and can't wait to read more of your work so keep writing!