Rose Petals Falling
From a seed to a bud
The rose began
In the dirt, the roots dug
The rose will stand
~~*~~
On the surface is life
Made of vibrant green and red
Beneath the ground is strife
Where the dead rose petals bled
~~*~~
Only the beauty is seen
With the exception of thorns
Beneath the ground is obscene
Where the hidden roots mourn
~~*~~
Above, it looks healthy
Nothing less
But beneath is the stealthy
Tangled up mess
~~*~~
The petals fall
Exposing vulnerability
Wilting, not tall
Dying insufferably
~~*~~
The rose lived a long life
One of little downfall
But now a demise
And the rose petals fall
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140,811 Literary Works • 673,693 Reviews
Hey AlyssaB506, Queenie here for a review. For starters, I really enjoyed this poem. I think that the description is beautiful, and I also liked how you linked nature to something that could actually happen to someone in real life. Also, unlike many poems I have read, I think that you did a really good job with the flow of this poem. Now for the critiques, in the lines,"The petals fall Exposing vulnerability Wilting, not tall Dying insufferably" the words vulnerability and insufferably do not rhyme and since this is a rhyming poem I suggest you replace one of those words. Also, in the lines,"The rose lived a long life One of little downfall But now a demise And the rose petals fall" generally in rhyming poems for a rhyme you don't use the same word or word base, so I suggest that you replace either downfall or fall. All in all, other than a few nitpicky things, I think that this was a very successful poem, and I look forward to reading your future works. Keep writing!
Thanks!
Beautiful poem! I like how you express how the rose is like two different things. Almost like human nature.
. I like how you make the reader think about this poem. What does it mean exactly? What is the hidden message here? Stuff like that. I know it'll be different for every reader, but for me, that's what came out. The only thing I noticed was the line;
.
"Wilting, not tall.."
I understand the point, but it was a little awkward for me to read. I would maybe change it up somehow. Anyway, that was all! I hope this was helpful, and keep writing!
Thank you!