Young Writers Society

Hey!
First of all, I see you're new around here, so welcome!! Next, on behalf of YWS, I just wanted to say that if when someone is reviewing your work, they come across as harsh or even just plain mean, they don't mean it. I promise. We are all just here to help you be a better writer. And, it's only a review, it's not like we're being bossy, so if you don't like someone's opinion, you can just take it with a grain of salt. Anyways, we are very happy to have you, and if you need any help, feel free to PM me. Happy writing!!

Groganbabygirl

I suggest you try putting this through a proofreader, if it's at all possible. I usually use Grammarly for my spelling corrections, so you could just copy and paste this onto there and see if you can fix the basic errors, such as capitalization and spelling.

https://app.grammarly.com/

Now, to the content, because that's what I usually focus on.

From what I'm looking at this is a basic tragedy without any of the substance that usually makes it interesting--a series of unfortunate events occur to our poor protagonist, and the reader is obliged to feel bad for the protagonist despite his lack of notable characteristics. This, of course, does not mean tragedies can't be good; no, no, in fact tragedies usually make for more interesting reads than any happy form of fiction. Especially since this is based off your experiences, which makes this even more interesting. However, in the world of fiction we must keep a balance. You as an author need to ask yourself, simply: why should the reader feel bad for Aly? Sure, he's born with a cancerous brain tumor, had a hard time talking, had many strange allergic reactions, and also got bullied, but so are countless of other kids. We don't know him personally. Why should we care about the main character? We could be reading a newspaper for all we know, it doesn't matter to us so long as they aren't our companion or friend. Which is why you need to explain why they're our companion and/or friend, introduce us to him and then fully realize him as our close companion.

Another thing that we might have a problem is, of course, structure. What's the meat of your story? Is this solely about bullying, or his brain tumor, or his many impairments? If it is, your story is a little cluttered. Try focusing on one topic (bullying is a good one, from what it looks like you're trying to say) and stick to it.

Good luck with your other writing endeavors, and I'm very glad you came out well enough through all those strifes,

--EM.

Just have to say this is an amazing story. It's realistic. But let's cut to the chase and review this.

This has alot of emotion. But there are many places that need capitalization. I do not know if that was intentional or not. There are also many misspelled words, also don't know if that was intentional.

If you were going to make this into a real story (which it has lots of potential, you could write in detail your character in those situations and show, not tell.) I would reccomend adding more characters such as your brother and the people who jumped you in the bathroom. Add dialogue and lots of emotion. If written well, this would be an amazing story, could even get published in print.

You don't have to take any of my advice, this is just what I think. But your life story is amazing, and I think it has real potential to create a brilliant story.

This is one of the most touching stories I have heard and it sounds like you really took your life back! I don't know what I would do if I was in your position. Sorry you had to go through all those hard times but I am glad your better.