Luminous (Old Version)

Hi! This is the first story that I'm putting up on this site! It's the first chapter and part of the second chapter of a book I'm working on. I won't be putting the rest of Luminous on this site (probably, I might post more later). I just need feedback on this piece of it. Keep in mind that since I'm planning on this being a long book, not a short story, the magic system and Ryn's past are intentionally vague and more will be revealed about them later on. By the way, the italicized words are the main character's thoughts. If anyone reviews this, don't be afraid of being too harsh or nit-picky! I'd  also like you guys to try and predict what's going to happen. I don't want this to be the usual cliche fantasy story or anything and if you guys can easily predict what's going to happen- then.. it's probably too cliche and predictable. :)

Well.. here goes!

Chapter One - The Forge

The Forge wasn’t just a shop. It was a prison.

Low, squat, and made of large muddy-grey blocks of stone, the Forge’s walls were stained with the years of grime, smoke, and ash that people had given up cleaning off. If you stepped inside, the first thing you’d notice would be the heat. Rows of furnaces and workbenches, crowds of apprentices and smiths, and condescending noblemen customers all seemed to wade through the boiling heat. The air was constantly permeated with the smell of sweat, metal, and smoke.

If you couldn’t already tell, no one in that little mining town wanted to end up working at the Forge. But somebody had to supply the nobles with more magic glowing toys, right?

So, though I hated the aurin-smith’s trade with every ounce of my being, I ended up in that grimy, smoky dump of a smithy. In that, some of the apprentices were like me. They were just bored teenagers doing their jobs and getting through the day. The only real differences between me and them were that they could leave. I couldn’t. They learned things that would help them survive in the big wide world someday. I didn’t. They were the apprentices. I am the Forge slave.

Well, maybe not an official slave. But everyone knew he’d never let go of me. He had held on to me since taking me in ten years ago- out of the “kindness of his heart”. Ha.

“Ryn! What are you doing staring out the window, girl?? Get that bond fixed and make it work this time!” The Boss bellowed from the other side of the Forge. At the sound of his voice, every apprentice bent lower over his work, determined not to catch the attention of the Boss. “Yessir Uncle Thord, sir!” I yelled army-style, jerking out of my daydreams and trying to look alert. He wasn’t my real uncle- he wasn’t related to me even distantly- but that’s what he wanted to be called. Big Boss still liked to pretend that we were family and I didn’t hate him.

I grumbled something to myself, not entirely sure what I was saying, but completely sure that I was very annoyed, and turned back to the furnace full of dying embers before me.

The fire in the furnace- used to melt down the aurin-metal that the Boss’ forge specialized in- had died down to a sizzling mass of embers and ash. I briskly pulled open the pouch at my belt and took out a gently glowing stone. The aurin-stone’s smooth surface seemed to pulse with a dim silvery-blue light- almost as if it was alive. I rolled my eyes. Don’t be stupid Ryn... It’s a chunk of rock.

Then, focusing intently on the stone, I breathed in pure energy. The light in the stone faded like the sun moving behind a cloud, though it still retained enough of its glow to fuel the fire for the next hour- hopefully.

Holding some of the stone’s energy, I suddenly felt strong. Confident. The smoke smelled stronger. The light of the glowing furnaces became brighter. Thord’s rumbling voice across the room became louder. Though I couldn’t see it myself, I knew that my eyes were glowing pale bluish green. I am Luminous, I thought with a quiet satisfaction. I quickly went over my own instructions to create an aurin bond. Before the power fades, create the bond. Think clearly of your action. Picture it.

I imagined the action perfectly. I had done it hundreds of times after all. White-hot forge fire flickered in my mind behind my closed eye lids and I breathed out. I felt a sudden blaze of heat hit my face and knew it had worked. Good. At least the bond hadn’t snapped right away.

I opened my eyes to see the furnace burning bright once again and slipped the pale silvery-blue aurin stone into a small wooden slot built into the side of the furnace, on top of the dark stone that was already in it. The closer the source, the longer the bond would last, they say. I could sense my eyes dimming and I sighed as the feeling of power and strength trickled away. How many times have I done this? This whole place depends on me since I’m the only fire Luminous for miles, but my bonds are almost free when others like me charge a fortune. I can’t let Thord keep me in this cage for the rest of my life…

A bellowing voice broke through my thoughts, “Ryn! Get over here! Another bond snapped and we need this furnace- now!” Eleven snaps in one day? Just my luck. I didn’t need to be physically strong to fix and create bonds, but if I used aurin-magic too much it gave me headaches. I shuffled over to the other end of the Forge anyways. “Yessir… coming over right now…” Who knew somebody could hate having magical powers so much?

Two grueling hours later, the apprentices were starting to leave the Forge and things quieted down a bit. A bond hadn’t broken for the past hour and a half, so I had been helping with menial tasks, more to keep me busy than because I was needed for them. My shirt was soaked with sweat and I envied the workers who could go around bare-chested. Wouldn’t be such a great idea to do that though. I smiled to myself and dealt with the heat- because the workday was almost over and tomorrow would be Sunday. Glorious Sunday! My one precious free day of the week, when the Forge worked on small projects with regular metal that didn’t need the fire of a Luminous to melt it…

I sat on my stool and watched the craftsmen working with their silvery-blue metal while I waited for another task to be issued to me.

The crafting of aurin weapons, armor, and tools was a tricky business. Normal metal was hard enough, I thought, but aurin-metal needed fire made with the magic of a luminous to melt properly. That alone made it rare, so the Forge’s customers were mostly noblemen and wealthy merchants. Aurin stones were hard to find, hard to mine, and hard to be smelted and shaped, but for those who could afford the stuff, it had special properties…

Suddenly Uncle Thord rumbled, “That’s enough for today!” A chorus of relieved sighs sounded around the Forge and the remaining workmen put away their tools. The group of laughing apprentices and workmen left the Forge moments later and suddenly the place was quiet once again. Only Big Boss and I were left. I absently went down the row of furnaces and mentally snapped the bonds on each one, like I had done hundreds of times before. The white-hot fires quickly flushed to orange-gold, then crimson, then finally burned down to handfuls of powdery black ash and brooding embers as they were broken off from their sources of energy. Thord scribbled something in his leather journal in the dim-lit corner of the Forge and yawned widely, completely ignoring me.

After I finished, I battled once more with the decision I had faced every night for the past two months. He hates it when I bother him… Just go upstairs Ryn… My self-imposed order finally made me move. Instead of going for the stairs up to the attic, where I lived, I walked towards the burly, hard-faced man who had apparently “raised” me for the last ten years. I will not let him intimidate me. Big Boss Thord, owner of the renowned aurin-metal Forge of Davet, our little mining town in the mountains of Acarias, looked down at me with a raised eyebrow. “What do you need, Ryn?” I gulped. Too late to go now. Just say it…

I cleared my throat and said, “Big Boss- err… I mean Uncle Thord, sir.” The aurin-smith rumbled loudly in the only volume he ever used, “Yeah? Out with it. It’s closing time and I gotta get home.” I suddenly mustered some courage from who knows where and said, “I’m sixteen, sir. An adult. So… when will I leave the Forge?” The man finally put down his journal and said slowly, “And why would you ever want to leave the Forge?” I felt my face flush and I spilled out suddenly, “Because I don’t want to be fixing bonds in the Forge for the rest of my life. Some days I never even go outside once. I can’t- I won’t- stay here forever!”

Thord’s mouth twitched and his face became hard. Harder, anyways. “Listen girl-“ Back to girl again… “-you have a life some people would envy you for. You’re lucky I didn’t leave you in the Ash Fields with what was left of your parents. I saved your life.” Shocked that he would mention that, I gritted my teeth and hissed with a sudden fury, “Don’t bring up the Ash Fields again. Ten years of being your free labor isn’t a life.” The smith’s black eyes stared at me for a moment and his expression was unreadable.

Then Thord’s voice unexpectedly became smooth, “Ryn, you’re not my free labor, you’re my daughter and I do pay you. What would you do if you left the Forge? Where would you go?” I hesitated, then said quietly, “I was going to ask you to apprentice me to a professional Luminous in Idenrae, the capital… I want to learn how to use my powers and make stronger bonds.” I added, “Luminous can make a lot of money if they know what to do.. So I-“

Suddenly Thord burst into laughter and interrupted, “Ryn, I wouldn’t be able to afford a professional Luminous to teach you even if I wanted to! Besides, you do fine with the bonds you create now! The Forge is running better than ever.” My confidence wavered and the smith seemed to sense it. I persisted, “But-“ The man interrupted with a slight smile, “This conversation is over. Good night Ryn.”

Thord the aurin-smith tucked his little leather journal into his coat pocket and left the Forge. Before he had found me, wandering like a wraith around the barren Ash Fields, he had paid a small fortune every month for a fire Luminous to come by and create new bonds. He didn’t care about me. He cared about the weight of his wallet.

My mind buzzed with a thousand things I wanted to yell after him. You have more than enough money to make me an apprentice or at least pay me a decent wage! If I learned how to make better bonds I would only have to work on the furnaces once a week! I could actually have a life! I don’t care about your stupid Forge!

I stood among the dying glow of the furnaces with tears of frustration running down my face, struggling with my emotions. “Why? Why me? Why did I have to be born Luminous?” I whispered to myself in a cracked voice, for once letting go of the mask, the disguise I wore. “I just.. want.. to be normal.” But as I’ve been told over and over again since that day I first opened my eyes to this big broken world, it doesn’t matter if I want something so much it physically hurts. The world doesn’t care. No one cares.

Finally, when the embers of each furnace had faded and the Forge was dark as pitch, I lifted a finger and a little gold flame burst into life above my fingertip. I sighed and rubbed tears and strands of my hair out of my eyes. With the hand that wasn’t holding a bunch of fire, obviously. “Okay- I’m calm now. That was silly. I don’t need to cry because of Thord.” I added with a weak smile, “Aaand… now I’m talking to myself.” I carefully composed myself, shoved those troublesome memories to the back of my mind, and pretended I was fine.

Holding my own little flame, I locked the door of the Forge like I did every night and headed towards the stairs. Then I pulled myself upstairs to the little attic I called home. I nudged the rough door with my foot and it swung open with a creak; the attic door didn’t have a doorknob.

I shot a burst of flame onto the candle sitting on my nightstand and the small cobwebbed room was lit with a cheery golden glow. My lovely attic bedroom consisted of one rickety straw-mattress bed, one rickety nightstand with a single drawer, one wooden chest with a broken lock, and one splintery stool that sat in the lonely corner. The only thing I liked about the bedroom was the round window above my pillow.

I tugged the window shutters open and blew the candle out. Then I pulled off my patched pants and sweaty shirt and put on a nightgown. I fell back onto my hard straw mattress and felt bliss. Closing my eyes, my bones seemed to settle and all my aches faded away. In seconds, I fell asleep to the noisy conversation of cicadas outside my window, hoping I was exhausted enough to have a dreamless sleep.

And that was just a day of work at the Forge. My home. My prison.

Chapter Two - Ashes and Ruins

I opened my eyes to a hazy world of red and grey. My short black hair was matted with dusty ash. My clothes were ragged, tattered, and coated with soot. My skin was stained with it and my lips were chapped and bleeding. No… I left… He took me… away… I can’t be…

I turned towards the only landmark on this barren world. A row of ruins sat on the horizon, impossibly tall. That one has to be at least thirty stories… What might have been metal centuries ago was now a flaking skeleton of red rust, towering over the dead plains. Over the Ash Fields.

A rough, dry voice rasped in my ear, “You know… they were once called skyscrapers… years ago. Before the old world fell. The Pillars, the four kingdoms, were formed centuries after.” The voice continued in a bitter hiss, “This world was devastated, broken… and it is still broken. And now… this is all that is left to us. Ashes and ruins.” The woman’s voice continued ruefully, “I failed. I failed him, and I failed you, but the others… Someday- you must… from the old world…” I whispered through dry lips, “I don’t know what you mean, mama. What is the old world?” I turned around to look at her, but there was nothing to see but miles of ash. On shaking legs, I turned in a circle. The ruins she had called skyscrapers were gone. There was nothing but ash. “Mama? Mama?” I was alone on the Fields.

Then I saw something. A speck on the horizon. I started to walk. I kept walking until I collapsed into a man’s strong arms. I didn’t care who he was. I didn’t care about anything. In the back of my mind I heard words. “Tell us your name.” I was in no state to understand them, but somehow a word escaped my chapped lips, “Ryn.” It seemed right.

Suddenly the world around me became darker and hot ash swirled around my bare, blistered feet. The man’s voice answered faintly, “Don’t worry child. I will take care of you now…” And I believed him. Why did I believe him?

I opened my eyes to see the attic’s cobwebbed rafters. Sunlight filtered through the open window and fell upon the rough utilitarian furniture of my room. I sighed and closed my eyes again. I had enough of the Ash Fields without visiting them in my dreams every night.

I got up and closed the window. Then I stretched and started to prepare for the day. The strange thing is that my mother actually said that on the Fields that day… About the ruins called skyscrapers. And I still remember. I thought I had done a good job of forgetting all that… I shrugged and turned my thoughts to other things. Brighter things.

No point dwelling on the past.