z

Young Writers Society



The Order of Atlantis: Rise of the Shadows (Ch.1,2,3,4!)

by Alteran


Chapter 1

A Life Once Normal

It was one of those days that made you look outside and drift away into a daydream about anything other than what you were doing. A day that made you forgetful and unorganized as more interesting thoughts came in.

Colin Banks stared out his window in an absolute stupor. He tried to think of what the next sentence of his essay would be. His daydreams interfered, as he thought about a girl he liked, the last football game he went to, and that note he missed at the last show.

Colin leaned back and stretched revealing a flat stomach with signs of muscle. His gray eyes watered as he yawned from boredom. His sixteen-year-old physique was not uncommon for an eleventh grade soccer player.

He’s supposed to be doing an essay for history. Not his favorite subject. His mind wandered in and out of different thoughts and ideas as he continued to stare out the window. Something nagged at him like he was supposed to be doing something other than the essay. But he couldn’t seem to remember.

A knock sounded from the bedroom door and Colin’s mother said from the other side, “Colin, Alice is here.” As the words were creeping into his ears he jolted back to reality. What is Alice doing here?Then it hit him, the nagging feeling was that he had a date with her tonight and she had come to get him and he still had to get ready!

Colin jumped to his feet knocking over his chair and ran to the closet. He jerked it open only to find that he forgotten to do his laundry. He turned to his dirty clothes hamper and started tearing through it, smelling his shirts to find the least smelly. He finally found a yellow shirt striped with white (An awful shirt that made him look extremely pale). He pulled it on and went to get some pants. The only pair in his dresser had been faded and ripped on the leg just below the knee. They didn’t really fit anymore but he had no choice and put them on. He grabbed his wallet and house key and looked in the mirror, he’d rather have gone naked, and went down stairs where Alice was waiting.

She paced the hall below the stairs. Looking up when she heard Colin coming. “You forgot our date, didn’t you?”

“No” Colin lied. She rolled her eyes. Not the best way to start the date.

“I bet. Well come on, I’d rather not be any later.”

Colin turned around and called, “Be back later mom”

“Okay.” He walked down the porch steps and got into Alice’s baby blue Ford Explorer. She cranked the engine and they left for the movies. A short drive but a very uncomfortable one. Anger had been etched on Alice’s face since she saw Colin. If looks could kill Colin would most surely be dead.

They lived in a small town in the middle of Florida. Alan Port was its name. Not much happened in this tiny town. It was what you called a dreamer town. A place to dream, to hope, and pray; a place where strange and unusual things happened even though no one paid attention to them. A place to run away from and never look back.

Colin had been trying for a year to get Alice to date him. She was blonde with crystal blue eyes. She wasn’t very tall but Colin didn’t care. They met in the band when they both played in P.I.T. It was like love at first sight even if it was one sided. For Colin she was perfection. The only thing he had to have no matter what.

The whole way to the movies they didn’t talk. Of course, Alice turned the radio up as high as she could, so it didn’t matter. She wasn’t exactly in a good mood and Colin thought maybe she’d had a bad day or something. He hoped she’d had a bad day before coming to get him. In the back of his mind he knew she didn’t really want to be with him but he hoped he could win her over. Even if she wouldn’t stay with him he knew she would never cheat on him. One of the few pluses in the relationship so far. She had been cheated on before and would never do that to someone else. At least, that was what Colin thought.

They finally reached the movie theater and Colin tried to think of a way to take some of her anger away. He quickly grabbed her hand as they walked through the parking lot. She didn’t stop him or jerk away. A good sign; though, she did squeeze his hand rather hard.

They walked up to the movie theater holding hands and this seemed to take off some of her anger, however, she still wouldn’t talk to him. The movie theater was a cinema four. The sign up top only showed two playing movies since two of the theaters were down for repairs.

“What did you want to see again?” Colin asked.

“Forget that too?”

“Can you please try to enjoy yourself? I know what a pain it must be to spend

time with me.” Alice fell silent.

He went up to the ticket booth, paid for the tickets and they went inside. Down a short hall, the last door on the right, and down the aisle to the third row of seats. Alice kept silent as they found their seats in the theater. A bitter silence.

When they sat down he’d had enough. “So you’re not going to talk to me at all now?”

“You forgot our date. I thought you were madly in love with me.”

“I told you I didn’t. I had a lot of things to do today.”

“I can see laundry was on the bottom of the list along with our date.”

“You know I am trying to make this better and all you do is snap at me.”

“Oh please. You always do that peacemaker routine whenever we argue. It’s always my fault because I don’t try. It couldn’t possibly be your fault.”

“Maybe it is my fault but you have done some really mean things to me this past year. You owe me.”

“No I don’t. Name a mean thing I did to you.”

“How about making me walk home after the Homecoming dance.”

“You were being a jerk. You wouldn’t tell me what your problem was. I don’t think you even had a problem.”

Colin was now extremely annoyed with her and his head was starting to ache. Everyone in the theater was listening to them fight. Great, this would get around the school fast.

“I had a good reason.”

“I don’ think you did.”

“Oh yeah. How about when the girl you’ve liked and tried to tell her for a year starts dating one of your best friends! When your friend goes behind your back and never even tells you until he starts dating you!”

Alice stood up with a scandalized look on her face. “Oh really. So the truth comes out. You were jealous of Mark and me. I guess you have good reason to be. He’s a much better boyfriend.”

“Then go be with him! Leave me out of your P.M.S. mood swing!” The whole movie theater gasped in outrage and not because of the movie. Colin’s head split with pain, but he didn’t show it. He was on his feet, so angry that his whole body shook.

“Good bye you stupid little boy. Have a nice walk.” Alice grabbed her purse and left the theater without another word. Colin sat back down and everyone was staring at him. “What!” he snarled causing them to turn back to the screen.

Who does she think she is? She’s not so great. Why did I even try? Not even worth my time.Colin played the fight in his head over and over again. ‘Have a nice walk,’ stuck out in his mind.

“Crap.” No sooner had he said this than he heard the sound of tires squealing in the parking lot. As fast as his legs would carry him Colin went back into the hall up to the entrance and out the doors to the parking lot. All he could see were her taillights speeding down the road. Alice left him stranded with no way home. She left me. She actually left me. I don’t believe it. Now what am I supposed to do.

He tried to think of what to do, he couldn’t call home or he’d have to explain what happened. He thought for at least ten minutes before it dawned on him, “Jason and Jared” muttered Colin, “I’m sure they’ll come get me. Let’s see, it’s about seven thirty on a Saturday and they probably have a party to go to. I’ll just call and ask what they’re doing, I’m sure they haven’t left yet.” He walked over to the payphone and got the change from the tickets, put in two quarters and dialed, Jared answered the phone and said “Hello.”

“Hey Jared, it’s Colin”

“Hey, Colin What are you doing?”

“Not much. Are you guys about to leave?”

“Yeah. There’s a great party out by the boondocks ”

“Could you come get me at the movies?”

“Sure, but I thought you were on a date with Alice.”

“I was until she got mad at me. We had a fight and she left me here. Told me to have a nice walk.”

“That sucks. Jason and me will be there as soon as possible. Just hang around outside for us.”

“Thanks, you guys are a life saver.” Colin hung up the phone with his spirits a little higher and sat down on a bench to wait, thinking, At least I’ll get to have some fun tonight.

* * *

The twins showed up in their old truck with huge mud stains down the sides from when they took it to the water hole last week. Jared rolled down the window and said, “Get in, Colin, we’ve got a party to get to.” This might be the last chance I have before the whole school hates me. I’m sure Alice ran off to tell all her friends what a jerk I am.

Colin climbed into the backseat and noticed that the twins had decided to wear the same outfit. Probably trying to appeal to the twin girls at the school. The girls usually wore the same outfit too. They both had on small dark green shirts, in order to show off their muscles, and dark blue jean shorts. They had a lot of gel in their messy brown hair, obviously trying to tame it with no success, and the same white sneakers. They had been friends with Colin since about sixth grade. They played football while Colin was in band so they were built with big muscle while Colin stayed rather scrawny.

“So,” said Jason, “tell us what happened.”

Colin told the story to them as Jason drove. When Colin finished the twins exclaimed together, “Who does she think she is?!”

“I mean, come on, that was no reason to leave you at the movies with no way home,” said Jared.

“And how dare she throw all that in your face,” said Jason, “You should have thrown some of her stuff back in her face.”

“I know how much you like her Colin, but I think you’re better off without her. If she was a really good catch she would have never acted like that.”

“I know,” said Colin sadly, “but I didn’t think she was the kind of girl who would do that. And I tried so hard to get a date with her. I guess I just can’t compete with Mark.”

“Don’t start that,” said Jared, “You and mark have always competed for something. You might lose but he’s a prick. I say let him have her. They match well together. Prick and…”

“Prickcess,” finished Jason.

* * *

They pulled into the lawn at someone’s house and it was clear that the party had already started. Loud music filled the air, everyone had a cup of something, and laughter was abundant. They got out and walked up to the porch and into the house. Everyone there expected Jason and Jared, but not Colin.

As he walked he heard whispers follow him. He didn’t really care; he was just glad he got out of the movies without having to call his mom. Jason and Jared left him at the drinks and said to go sit down on the couch.

Colin grabbed a drink and walked over to the couch to sit down. He smelled it to make sure it was just soda and not alcohol. It was something you had to do if you went out with Jason and Jared. Why is everyone looking at me? Has the word spread that fast. Alice and her cell phone I guess. This is nice. I’m branded for life now. ‘Colin, the jerk who wanted to date Alice.’

A girl named Rebecca came up to Colin. She had a reputation for giving to any one who asked. The way she acted caused most people to avoid her but a lot of boys hung around her all the time. She might not be smart in school but she had a good since of time management since she dated six guys in three different towns and saw each of them everyday.

“Jason just told me what happened to you tonight,” she said, “I’m really sorry. How are you doing?”

“Fine, I guess.” She laughed and swung her curly brown hair.

“Oh Colin, your so funny.” She ran her hand along the inside of Colin’s leg. He failed to find the humor. He felt the heat rush to his face as she continued to giggle. Colin looked over and saw Jason and Jared watching him. They gave an encouraging thumbs up.

“Could you hold on? I need to go to the bathroom.”

“Hurry back,” she said with a wink. Colin went quickly to the foot of the stairs where Jason and Jared stood. He gave each one a punch in the arm on the way by.

I’m glad they want to help but geez. I’m not going to go screw some girl that I don’t even know. I thought they knew me better than that. What a night. I can’t wait to get home.

When he reached the second floor landing he looked around and saw Alice kissing the captain of the soccer team, her ex-boyfriend, and Colin’s ex-friend Mark Nelson. Colin could feel his anger rising. How could she leave me at the movies and come here to see him!

“You!”

Alice looked around and saw him standing there and a look of pure terror spread across her face. “Colin,” she squeaked, “Wh-wh-what are you doing here?”

“I had to find a ride home! I had to call Jason and Jared! You left me! You sped off and left me there!” His head was starting to ache again. No one heard him yell because of the loud music.

“Colin, I c-can explain. I was mad. I…” Her voice shook terribly from fear.

“You just had to come be with him! I should have known. You probably had this planned. ‘Let me dump Colin at the movies and then we can fool around.’ Right! Isn’t that how it went!” Colin’s voice shook too, not with fear, but pure rage. The pain in his head was getting worse, and he felt like it might burst open.

“You can’t talk to her that way!” Mark said getting in Colin’s face. Mark was much taller than Colin and much bigger as far as muscle goes.

Get out of my face.” Snap! Colin felt a sudden surge of strength go through him. It got stronger until… Wham! It felt like a brick smacked him in the head. At the same time Mark was launched into the air by an unseen force. He slammed into the wall with such force that the wall cracked. Mark fell to the ground along with all the pictures on the wall.

All of Colin’s strength left him. He could no longer support himself and he fell to his knees. Alice screamed with all her might. Mark looked dead as he lie on the floor motionless. Panic came over Colin. No. No. No. This cant be happening. My head. Oh myHeaaaaaaahhhhhhh…!The sound of a kettle whistling filled Colin’s brain. Louder and louder.

“Aaaaahhhhhhhh!” Whoosh! Another power surge went through him. The energy escaped his body and spread through the whole house and onto the lawn. The whistle sound stopped and the pain subsided. Colin was having trouble catching his breath and he shook like a leaf in the wind.

He looked up and saw Alice lying on the ground. He wanted to run to her but couldn’t find the strength. He watched and noticed she was still breathing. Alice was in a very deep sleep it seemed.

The panic left Colin as he regained some of his energy. There was no longer any music coming from downstairs. Or any sound at all for that matter. They must have heard Alice scream. Everyone is probably waiting to see what happened. I’m going to be in so much trouble. He held onto the wall for balance as he made his way back down the stairs.

All was quiet. No sounds anywhere. Colin looked down cautiously as he held onto the railing. His body was still shaking and he couldn’t seem to support himself. Everyone was one the ground. Each one motionless. On the couch, Rebecca had slumped over on another guy. She didn’t waste anytime. Poof! Five people appeared out of thin air.

“Holy drat!” Colin said as he stumbled backwards. Each person wore a white hooded robe that hid his or her faces. They all seemed to be assessing the situation. None of them noticed Colin or at least acted like they didn’t notice him.

The one standing closest to Colin gave the others orders. “We need a healer, six sleepers, and a telepath for memory alterations, Sharon and Will, go back and get them. We’ll wait here and keep watch for any witch activity.”

“Yes sir,” said the two hooded figures together and they vanished. The three remaining took chairs and sat down in front of Colin. He began to rub his eyes as though trying to clear a foggy picture. There is no way this is happening. People don’t just appear from thin air.

“We’re real,” said a cool female voice. “You can stop rubbing your eyes.”

“Sabrina!” barked the hooded figure on the far left. The woman named Sabrina sat on the right and then the man who gave orders sat in the center. Even with the hood over his face Colin could feel his eyes on him.

“What? I didn’t do anything to him”

“That is not the point; you shouldn’t do that unless you have permission! That was the first thing they taught you in school.”

“I didn’t! You need to lighten up Cain”

“It would be a lot easier if you weren’t reading every person’s mind that you meet. I thought you had better sense than to go any where near his mind, remember what happened to the last eight people who did. Not much left of them now.”

“I didn’t go any where near his mind, thank you. It was pretty obvious what he was thinking, what with the bewildered look on his face and him rubbing his eyes like that.”

“Quiet,” said the center person. “I think it is time we talked to Colin.”

They stopped arguing immediately and looked at Colin. All three of them lowered their hoods.

The center person was a tall man that resembled Colin a little. This man had a bit more height and muscle. He was handsome with dark blue eyes and short black hair that was spiked up in the front.

The second was an older man with thin, greasy white hair. His eyes were gray with an odd shine like gold. He had an x-shaped scar on his left cheek along with many others on his hands and face. It was obvious he had been around a while. He wheezed a little with each breath and acted a little jumpy.

The third was the woman Sabrina. Her long purple hair fell out of her hood and onto her shoulders. When her violet eyes reached Colin he almost gasped at her beauty. Her slender shape could be seen even with the robe on her.

“I’m Luke,” said the center man, “and this is Cain and Sabrina, but I’m sure you knew that when they started to yell at each other.” Colin gave a nervous laugh as Luke smiled at him. “We cannot tell you much until we return to Atlantis but…”

“Atlantis!” Colin blurted out.

“Yes. That is where we live. The Ancient City of Atlantis. We are operatives for an ancient order founded in about two thousand B.C. by the gods of ancient Greece. They are the ones who built the city.”

“I thought those were myths.” Stop saying things. This is obviously a dream. I must have passed out upstairs or maybe this whole day has been a dream. Please, oh please let it be a dream.

"Well yes they are myths but they are real too. We can explain everything once we return to Atlantis. It is far to dangerous here. The witches could come at anytime. They have probably sensed your powers by now."

“Witches?” Colin asked.

“Yes. They are our enemies. They serve the Evil to come.”

“What are you talking about, evil to come?” Colin felt a pull to the subject. As much as he wanted this to be a dream, the hope of it was fading fast. This all made a connection for Colin. Some odd connection to something he had long since forgotten.

“Something that this planet has not seen since the beginning of time,” Sabrina whispered, “Something the devil himself is afraid of, something that nightmares cannot imagine, something so horrific that it was erased from the memory of time itself in order to protect it from insanity.” Her description sent a shiver down Colin’s back. Even Luke and Cain seemed to get a chill. Whatever this thing was, it would be much worse than the boogieman or Freddie Cougar. It went beyond evil into a place no one knew existed

“Enough. Dont speak of it anymore.

The two who had vanished reappeared with about eight more people, causing Luke to stop what he was saying. The new arrivals had on different colored robes than the first five, one had on green, another had on a light shade of purple, and six of them had on dark blue robes with gold sparkling stars.

“About time,” said Luke. “All of you know what to do, right?”

There was silence and Colin felt an almost overwhelming surge go through his head. Yes sir! filled Colin’s brain. Some type of mental communication Colin assumed.

“Well, get to work. We don’t have much time.” The new arrivals spread out through the house. The two in the green and light purple went upstairs and the others stayed on the ground floor and started to bend over the partygoers on the floor.

“It’s time we go back.” Luke said to Colin. “They can handle it from here.”

“Back where?” asked Colin.

“To Atlantis, of course. Where else would we go?”

“Not to be rude but I don’t think I’ll go with you. Thanks for the help and all but I want to go back home."

“That’s not possible,” said Cain, “we can’t let you go back there. It is very unsafe for you there.”

“Why!?”

“That woman you call your mother is a witch, she’s been pretending to be your mother for sixteen years. Her name is Cassandra.” “What!? No. My mom’s name is Helen Banks. It’s on all the stuff in our house. All her childhood awards, everything.” Liers!

“That is the cover name she uses. She is a witch. She will kill you dead if you go back. She’ll know your powers are back. You must come with us.”

“You're lying! This is just a dream. I don't believe you! I just want to go home!” A sphere of clear liquid pushed outward from Colin. It started slow and shaky. As Colin’s mind focused the sphere became stable. Home. I am going home. She's not a witch. This is just a dream. Liers!

“Stop him!” one of the blue and star robed people cried. “We can still block him!” Colin started to feel something trying to cut off the sphere’s energy source. It felt like pressure pushing on different parts of his body. Colin couldn’t make out what it was but it he knew it had to be stopped.

“Nathan stop!” cried Luke.

“I’ve got it,” said the man called Nathan. A surge went through Colin and a powerful energy collided with the thing trying to stop him. Nathan cried out before he was flung against a wall. The clear liquid started to close in on Colin. Luke stepped forward.

“Luke, no, it’s too late.” Cain said, throwing out an arm to stop him.

“We can’t let him go back there. He must come with us.”

“He must find the truth for himse…” and Colin could hear no more. The liquid closed in on him, turning his body into the same clear liquid. He closed his eyes as it over took him. Surprisingly He felt no pain. Only a refreshing cool feeling like water splashing his face. The sphere fell in on itself and Colin was gone.

In his room the same sphere appeared. Colin formed within in it and fell to the floor. He opened his eyes and found himself in his bedroom. He heard his mother’s snores through the open door and breathed a sigh of relief. What the hell was that!? I’m soaking wet!

Colin changed into a dry pair of underwear and a white t-shirt before climbing into his bed. As he tried to sleep he refused to believe what had happened. If I act like it never happened I would never have to worry. Hopefully no one at the party will remember what happened. I Just… Colin fell asleep before he could finish the thought. His newly awakened powers took over as he slept. Wandering thoughts reached out to the only other person in the house. His mother.

Chapter 2

The Dream

The ocean water sparkled in the moonlight. Colin flew at amazing speed over it. He felt the wind whip around his body and inhaled the salty air. In no time he had reached his destination. Off the coast of Japan, right above the Marianna trench.

“At last,” said a woman’s voice. “Here is the spot. Straight down into the water.”

Who is that? Is there somebody else out here? With a splash Colin found himself spiraling through the ocean. What’s happening? How did I get into the water? Deeper and deeper he went. The fear of drowning vanished as Colin saw the great shinning golden tower come into view. Sitting on the ocean floor in the very deepest part of the Marianna Trench.

Colin became suspended in the water as he took in the sight before him. Atlantis. The great tower stood high above all other buildings in the city. Nothing compared to the tower. The smaller buildings spread out ward from the tower until they reached a large park. Once past the park there appeared to be houses and small apartments. On the far side of the island like platform, the city sat on, was a large forest.

Colin went forward at the tower until he suddenly collided with a barrier around the city. It repelled him with backwards into the dark water. A crack formed where Colin had hit the barrier. Light shown through it. It became larger and then became a hole big enough for Colin to fit through. He wasted no time swimming through, into the dry city.

Hovering high above the city Colin saw three men in blue robes coming straight at him. Fear came over him and he couldn’t make a move to escape.

The three men went right past Colin to the hole in the barrier. Water was gushing in and falling upon the buildings below. They held up their hands and the barrier slowly sealed back up, stopping the water.

“How did a hole form in the barrier,” one of them said.

“I don’t know but we had better go and report it,” said another.

“We’re lucky the barrier didn’t collapse.” The three men flew back down to the city without every noticing Colin. A soft laugh reached Colin’s ears as the men vanished from sight. Colin looked around seeing no one else.

“Idiots, never thought a witch would find their precious city” Colin heard a voice say. Witches? “That invisibility spell has worked wonders. I thought they might sense me. Such pathetic excuses for Order members.”

He was off again and headed to the ground. He landed silently and crept along the path, watching for signs of life. Down the path he saw a house shaped like a half sphere. That’s it, that’s their house. These were not Colin’s thoughts. It sounded like the female voice with no source. It was frightening to hear the voice but Colin continued down the path.

Light came from the house’s windows; Colin crept slowly to the side of the house and ducked under one of them. He poked his head up enough to see inside the house. Three people where sitting down to dinner. One was a handsome man who looked about twenty-nine; he had short brown hair that was combed forward and eyes of a deep watery blue. The woman, Colin assumed was his wife, had long black hair that flowed beautifully. She was tall and had eyes that were bright pink. She was sitting by a highchair feeding a baby that looked about one year old. He had two different color eyes, one a light blue the other a darker shade of pink. He looked like a very happy baby. Soon. I will kill him soon. It was the voice with no source. Who is that? Why do they want to kill baby?

As he waited Colin noticed that the inside of the barrier reflected the sky from above the ocean. It was beautiful; the night sky mesmerized him. It was full of stars and a bright moon.

The lights in the house faded to darkness. Colin got to his feet and crept below the windows looking in each one until he found the baby’s room. He watched a moment before the strange voice sounded, “Waldras slip.” He silently slipped through the wall to the inside. Where did that come from? How did I get inside? What is going on? The house was completely silent as he stood up to look around. He walked over to the child’s crib.

“This is your last night child.” Colin felt a surge of hatred. If he could only see them he would stop whoever’s voice this was.

The baby became bundled in its blanket as the invisible woman lifted him out of his crib. Suddenly, the air by Colin’s cheek swirled and he looked around to see that the baby was awake. It did not cry but merely stared at the air above him. The woman became visible. A hood hid her face but it was obvious she had been caught off guard.

“How can this be? You are just a child.” Footsteps were coming up the hall and Colin turned to see a man standing in the doorway. He put his hand to his head; a large wind went through the room and out the window. Witch! sounded in Colin’s mind; it was an alarm that would soon bring aid to the man. Colin felt himself slip through the wall and outside. Fear filled him and he took flight as the wall blew apart and two figures came flying toward him. A loud siren rang through the city as Colin flew.

He flew towards the hole he had made earlier as he felt the air around him bursting; they were trying to hit him with some kind of force he could not see. It became more rapid and harder to dodge the closer he got to the barrier. Why are they coming after me? It’s that woman that has their baby. Colin looked down and realized that he was holding the baby. How… but I don’t understand.

As he reached the sealed hole, he shot a burst of energy at it and caused the hole in the barrier to reopen. Before the water could pour inside again he shot into the icy water and straight up to the surface. He was going up faster than he had come down. When he broke the surface of the water five people were waiting for him. They prepared to attack with fire, water, and ice but Colin put up his hand and said, “Stop!” All of them froze in midair. His original pursuers appeared from below the water and Colin sped off again to a small island about fifty miles away. He could barely see its glow on the horizon. While he flew the baby continued to cry and scream. “Silence,” Colin hissed and the child fell silent. He could no longer control what was happening. Why can’t I get a grip? What is going on? Someone please help me!

“Relax my child.” A sweet voice rang through the air. It was a female voice but one he had never heard before. “All will be explained to you soon. All you must do is watch.”

Colin reached the island and found where to go when he saw the dark circle in the middle of a lit town. All the lights were out except for the faint glow of darkness. He flew to it as fast as he could and landed. Suddenly the sweet female voice rang through the air again.

“You must watch from above and watch carefully as the truth is revealed to you.” Colin felt himself float away and stop in the air a few feet from his original position. Below him stood a woman with a small bundled child. She wore a black robe and had long black hair. Across from her two people had just landed from flight. Colin recognized them as the pursuers from the city

“Give him back, now!” cried the woman who just landed.

“No,” said the woman below Colin, “This child must not live any longer than he already has. He is a threat to all of my kind.

“Right now we are your biggest threat witch,” threatened the man across from the witch. “We will not let you harm Colin.”

Colin! Is that little baby me?

“You will not get this child back, and you won’t live long enough to save him.” At these words people started to rise from the darkness and surrounded the two. They all had on black robes and a buzz of laughter filled the air.

“We are his parents,” said the woman, “and you cannot stop us from protecting our child. It is our duty. We know more of what he is than you could imagine.”

Parents? Colin thought, [i]Are these people my parents? No, they can’t be, my mom doesn’t look like that. What he is? What is going on! His head started to ache with confusion. He looked down and saw the face of the kidnapper; it was his mother! At least whom he thought was his mother. This can’t be. There is no way. It just can’t be!

“That is not your mother,” said the sweet voice, “your true mother is about to save you and give back what was taken from you.”

They were closing in on them, ready to kill Colin’s true parents. No! A streak of lightning shot through the witches, knocking them all to the ground. The woman and man, Colin now believed to be his parents, were the only ones standing. Their hands surged with electricity.

“You can’t win,” said the witch, holding baby Colin. All of the witches on the ground got up at once. It seemed that the lightning bolt had little affect.

“You’re wrong,” said Colin’s father, “we will protect our child from you, no matter what.” He grabbed his wife’s hand and said, “Are you ready Karen?”

“Of course Lewis,” she responded.

At her words Colin’s parents began to glow a brilliant golden light that overwhelmed the witches. It pulsed outward in waves of as his parents became the light and were engulfed in it with smiles on their faces. The witches were trying to run, but they weren’t fast enough. As the light swallowed them, they screamed in pain as the light seemed to burn their skin and they melted into nothingness. Colin cringed at the sight.

He looked at the witch who kidnapped him and was shocked to see her holding the baby like a shield in front of herself. When the light pulsed and destroyed the witches it started to get sucked into the baby. All the light his parents released absorbed into the baby’s body. It acted as a black hole, pulling in all the light. All the witches were destroyed and the light was sucked away, leaving only the kidnapper and baby Colin. Colin’s last gift from his parents; pure light.

The witch screamed and dropped the baby. The light surrounded him like a loving parent and carefully placed him on the ground. The witch made a ball of fire in her hand and launched it at the baby. It merely bounced off of the child.

“I need more!” she cried and twenty more witches appeared, “Kill him!” Twenty balls of fire were shot at the child and they all bounced off him harmlessly. “No!” she screamed. The baby smiled and giggled gently. A dark form suddenly appeared in front of her. A shadow of a man that had yellow eyes and black hair that waved like fire.

“You can’t kill him now,” it said, “but you must seal his power. We need more time.”

“Yes master,” she said as she bowed to him. The form vanished and the witches formed a circle around the baby. Strange strings came from their foreheads and tried to connect with the baby’s head. Colin watched as five yellow lights shot up five strings and saw five of the twenty witches fall to the ground screaming. Three more lights and three more screaming witches, but now two of the strings were connected and the baby screamed. A pain shot through Colin’s head as he watched. The memory came back to him. Such pain. It was blinding him. He felt as if he might die.

“Power of the dark come to me.” She motioned her hands in a complicated pattern, “seal this child’s powers for all eternity.”

Purple light went along the two strings that were connected and a seal formed on the top of baby Colin’s head; it was the shape of a star with too many points to count. It illuminated for a moment then vanished. Baby Colin’s eyes faded to a gray color from their original blue and pink.

“That will have to do for now,” said the witch, “The rest of you, take what’s left of those witches to the master.” The image faded and the pain subsided.

* * *

Colin jolted awake from his dream. His chest heaved as sweat ran down his face. Sunlight was coming from his windows that signified it was early Sunday morning. I remember it all. It seemed like a fantasy but in my heart I know those people were… are my parents. That means last night wasn’t a dream. I have to get out of here, it’s not safe. Why oh why is this happening? Colin got up to put on his shoes. Suddenly his door was blasted of its hinges and hit the wall by his bed. The explosion knocked Colin to the floor.

“Thought you could get into my head!” screamed the woman he once thought was his mother, “Thought you could get your powers back with out me noticing, did you!

Colin got up trying to think of a way out. No. This can’t be happening. She can’t…kill me. Can she?

“No matter. I’ve wanted to kill you for years” She raised her hand level with her chest and a fireball formed in it.

Colin felt the fear being replaced by an indescribable fury. Her! It’s all her fault. As he looked into her face he remembered how she survived his parents attack and could not contain his anger. I will kill her! I must stop her! “You’re the reason they’re dead,” he whispered with disrespect and rage. Something raw and powerful started to flow through Colin’s body.

“What was that you little wretch?”

“You’re the reason they’re dead. You! I hate you!!” The fireball in her hand exploded and caused her to scream and clutch it. Colin’s eyes were burning with white-hot fury, His chest heaved as he breathed heavy with anger. A great power filled Colin. On the verge of swallowing him but he refused to let the witch live. All his anger and rage were focused on her. His eyes allowed him to see the darkness that surrounded her. There was a look of terror on her face as Colin felt the furious energy going through his body. His hands had begun to glow with a white flame. “I will avenge them.”

He clapped his hands together and a screech filled the air as a beam of energy shot toward her. This raw energy ripped at the very fabrics of existence. She jumped out of the door just in time. There was a hole in the wall that went all the way outside and Colin smiled with satisfaction. The house gave a shuttering creak as it felt its destruction nearing. He walked out into the hall and said, “Is the witch sacred?” there was no answer, “Well! Answer me!”

“Ye-yes.”

Colin found her when she spoke. He blasted the wall she hid behind but she ran before he could get another shot at her. Colin walked around the small pile of rubble and saw a black mist that went through another wall; he knew that she had slipped through the wall like in his dream. He clapped his hands together again and pulled them apart, causing his energy blast to expand as a shockwave and destroy the entire wall; the ceiling creaked as its support was taken away. It started to crumble as Colin’s unnatural powers of rage pulled at it.

A dozen fireballs came through the dust at Colin. He raised his hand and all of them stopped and turned to the same white flame that was burning around him. The dust settled and the witch had a look of triumph that quickly faded to horror. Colin closed his burning hand; the twelve balls became one, and he fired another beam of energy that hit her in the shoulder. She hit the ground and tried to slip through the floor but Colin was too fast, “You’re not going anywhere.” He focused his thoughts on her. She was halfway through the floor and stopped; she was stuck. She struggled wildly to get free like a fly on flypaper. He raised his hand and pointed it at her. “This was fun, but you’re done now. At last you will pay for your crimes.”

“Please,” she begged, “I was your mother for sixteen years!”

“No you weren’t! You were a murdering witch that lied for sixteen years. My whole life has been a lie and I want payment for the crimes you’ve done to me!”

“Please.”

“Shut-up,” he spat, “you might have survived what my parents did to save me, but I’m still here to show you what you missed.” He lowered himself down to her, raised his hand to her face, and said, “Look into my hand.” She did, his burning hand changed to the same brilliant golden light that his parents had used to save him. It grew brighter and brighter and the witch began to scream as her face seared from the burning light. Then Colin heard someone behind him.

“Colin, don’t do it!” The light faded away as Colin got up and turned around to find Luke standing in the rubble of the wall.

“Colin,” he said with a look of fear and panic on his face, “don’t do it!”

“I must avenge them! She must die. After all you told me last night why should I let her live.”

“Colin, your parents would not want you to do this.”

“What do know about what they want?”

“I know more than you. Your father was my brother!”

“She must pay for her crimes!” Colin yelled with impatience. He raised his hand ready to strike, but he couldn’t; his power was draining and he couldn’t stop it. He could actually feel all his power and energy being pulled out of him like a straw were in him and he was being drunk.

His mind lost focus. The witch managed to get out of the floor and stand up. She pressed her hands into Colin’s chest and muttered something under her breath.

He was launched into the air and landed on the remains of the wall. He was woozy from the power drain and made no attempt to brace himself. He landed on a board with nails down the side, they went deep into his back, and he let out a scream of pain. He tried to move but the witch had done something to his body and he was unable to. His muscles were all tense and constricted. The place on Colin’s shirt where the witch touched him was burned away and tattered. His body was terrible pain. He was helpless. All Colin could do was lie there.

“Colin!” Luke cried. He ran over to him as the witch tried to hit Luke with a fireball.

“You should have let him kill me,” she said as she closed in on them, a fireball ready to strike. “You Atlantians and your sense of honor will be the end of all of you.”

Suddenly a lightning bolt, that seemed to come from now where, struck her in the chest and she flew back against a wall.

“You don’t fool me Cassandra,” said Cain. “Get up you old witch!” He walked up from the stairwell to face her.

She sprang to her feet, “How nice to see you Cain.”

“Allow me to take care of these two and we can get down to it.”

“I don’t think so.”

“You don’t have a choice witch.” He held up a hand and she froze. He walked over to Luke and Colin. He lifted Colin off his back and pulled the board out; Colin was bleeding badly. Cain placed his hand on Colin’s back, “That should stop the bleeding, but he must get back to the station. Janet can fix this easily.”

“All right,” said Luke.

“Go downstairs, get Sabrina, and then take Colin back to the station.”

“But what about her?” Luke nodded his head in the direction of Cassandra. She was still frozen but the hold on her was starting to loosen.

“I’ll handle her. Just get Colin to the station.”

“Be careful Cain.” He put Colin’s arm around his neck and dragged Colin down the stairs where Sabrina was waiting.

“What happened!” she exclaimed.

“I’ll tell you later. We have to get outside!” There was an explosion upstairs and Luke added, “Now!”

Sabrina helped Luke drag Colin outside. She looked into Colin’s eyes. “I’m going to show you where were going. Close your eyes please.” He did and a mental image of a beautiful garden filled his mind. As his eyes opened there was a huge explosion. They turned to see what had happened; the entire top floor of Colin’s house was gone. Cain and Cassandra where in the air locked in a heated battle. Cain shot a lightning bolt at her; she blocked it and threw a fireball. Cain turned it into a ball of lightning with another bolt, sending it hurtling toward her.

“We have to hurry,” said Luke.

“Right,” said Sabrina, “Colin do you remember last night when you wanted to go home?”

Yes.

“Good.”

Can you hear me?

“Yes. Now concentrate! We’re running out of time!” Just then a fireball came at them and Cain was barely able to stop with a bolt of lightning. “Picture that place I showed you and concentrate on it.” Another fireball came at them. Luke stopped it with a burst of water from his hand. “Now, all you have to do is want to go there. We will help you but don’t lose focus.” The ground started to shake as a rain of fireballs hit the ground.

Colin concentrated on the place Sabrina had shown him. He focused as hard as he could until it was a clear picture and thought; I want to go there. He felt the water bubble surround him. He kept his eyes closed and continued to concentrate as he felt the cool water wash over him. He could hear Cain and Cassandra’s fight, and then it was gone. Colin slowly opened his eyes as the soft breeze hit his face.

Chapter 3

The Warning

The image Sabrina had shown Colin was nothing compared to what it really looked like. Hundreds of different colored flowers covered the ground except for the stone path that led to the large green tent on top of the hill. Their sweet scent filled the air and Colin’s nose. Gigantic trees provided shade but also allowed the warm light to filter through the leaves. A warm breeze blew through the trees and a few leaves glided to the ground. Colin had never seen such a beautiful place that made him feel so warm. The fact that this place existed made Colin stare but then the searing pain in his back brought him back to his senses.

“Over here,” Sabrina called to them, “bring Colin over here.” She was standing by the entrance to the large green tent. She was dripping from the transportation; as were Colin and Luke.

Luke, who was still carrying Colin’s dead weight, made his way to the tent. The three of them went in together and a woman wearing a green robe came up to them.

“Bring him to the bed. Quickly.” The pain in Colin’s back had increased greatly and it obscured his vision. He couldn’t tell what was happening. All he could see were the white and green blurs moving around him. I’m gonna die. I can’t believe it. I haven’t even graduated yet and I’m gonna die.

Luke pulled Colin over to the bed and with the help of Sabrina’s telekinetic powers pulled him onto it. They laid him face down so that his wound was visible.

“Good lord,” said the woman in the green robe, “how did this happen?”

“He was knocked onto a board,” Luke told her, “it had nails in it.”

“Who knocked him into it?”

“A witch.”

“A witch! He is far to young to be fighting witches!”

“It’s complicated,” Sabrina interrupted, “just fix him up Janet.”

“Fine.” She placed her hands on Colin’s back and he felt warmth spread through his body. The warmth increased for a moment and faded slowly. All his pain faded with the warmth. Colin felt much better once it had vanished. His muscles relaxed and movement was possible again even if he was a little stiff. Luke helped him up, and he saw Janet’s face; she was a red head with bright green eyes. She was a little plump but tall enough that it was not noticeable. Her eyes had a fiery quality but still gentle and caring.

“How do you feel?” she asked him.

“Much better. Thank you.” At least I won’t die now.

“Anytime dear. I’ll go get some clothes for you.” She walked away toward another

opening at the other side of the tent. Colin forgot all he had on was his underwear and his tattered shirt.

Colin turned to Luke and said, “You’re my uncle?”

“You remember what happened?” Luke said with a look of shock.

“Yeah. I might have gone psycho, but my memory is just fine. Why do you have that look on your face?”

“Usually, psychics who lose control don’t remember what happened when they lost control. Their minds block it because it keeps the psychic from craving the power,” said Sabrina.

“I lost control? Of what?”

“Yeah, but that’s how we found you again,” Luke said, “You put out so much energy we couldn’t help but feel you. It was like a big neon sign that said ‘Colin is here’. I thought we already told you about your powers.”

“Even Cain has never produced that kind of power.” Sabrina said, “I’m impressed.”

“Now, back to the uncle thing.”

“Um, right,” said Luke, “I am your father’s younger brother, that makes me your uncle. I’ll take care of you when we get back to the city. I hadn’t planned on telling you like that but I had to buy some time.”

“So we’re not in Atlantis?”

“No. This is just a station that takes us to Atlantis.”

“What do I call you?” he couldn’t keep his thoughts straight and he was asking any question that popped in his head. He had a lot to ask. If I’m going to be living with these people I better find out as much as I can now.

“Just Luke is fine, uncle makes me feel old.”

Janet came back and handed Colin a bundle that had a t-shirt and a pair of jeans in it. “They’ll have some more permanent clothes for you in the city,” she told him, “and since that could take a while, you need some sleep.”

“I feel fine.” Colin put the t-shirt on.

“You are not!”

“Janet! There is no need for that,” Luke said.

“Who knows when Cain will be back, and until then this boy needs to get some sleep! I am in charge of his health and I will not let him exert any more energy on speaking.”

Luke nodded reluctantly and looked at Colin. “We’ll wake you when Cain gets back.”

Colin lied down on the bed and felt a little bit like a baby. Janet was right; his body was exhausted. All that energy going through him seemed to have burned his insides a little. This bed is so soft. I wonder what will happen to me now… Within minutes he fell asleep.

When Colin opened his eyes it was dark outside. A few lamps lighted the tent. He raised his head ready to get up, but when he saw Luke and Sabrina talking by the mouth of the tent he laid back down trying to listen to their conversation.

“I’m worried about Cain,” Sabrina said in a hushed voice.

“He can take care of himself,” Luke tried to reassure her.

“But he knew that we couldn’t get to the city until he got back. It was very

irresponsible of him.”

“He’s fought Cassandra before and he told us to take care of Colin. He knows how important Colin is and you do to.”

“I guess you’re right. I shouldn’t have drained him of so much energy. It seemed endless. I pulled and pulled and never found the end. It was frightening.”

“We had no choice. If you hadn’t he would have killed her. We can’t allow that to happen…not yet anyway.”

“Zeus will want see him when we get back.”

Luke gave a sigh. “I know, but I want Colin to get settled before he meets him. This is such a big change… for everyone.”

“He might not give you a choice.”

“We’ll see.”

Colin’s head began to ache, Sabrina drained me of my energy and Zeus, would want to meet me. Who is Zeus? As he was thinking he heard Sabrina cry, “Cain!”

Colin sat up and looked at the tent opening. Cain walked in with a large gash on his forehead; it was bleeding and dripping down his face. His robes were burned and tattered from the battle.

“Are you alright, Colin,” Cain said to him. Colin nodded; Cain gave a faint smile. “Good.”

Sabrina and Luke were behind Cain looking very worried. “You need to get that looked at,” said Sabrina pointing at Cain’s forehead.

“Shut-up.” She wore a look of hurt at his words. He sat down across from Colin. “I need to talk to Colin…alone”

“Fine, bleed to death, see if I care.” She stormed out of the tent.

“What a silly girl.” Luke nodded to Cain and followed Sabrina outside. Cain turned to Colin, “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“You weakened Cassandra a great deal. It made it much easier to keep her at bay.”

“I lost control.”

“That is true, but even the best of us lose control sometimes. Always remember that you control your emotions not the other way around.”

“I’ll try.”

“Just one more thing. Cassandra made an interesting comment about you. She told me if my powers were not like yours, I didn’t stand a chance of defeating her.”

“You mean the uncontrollable power I had when I was angry.”

“No, I mean the power of light.”

“Light?”

“Yes, right before your power was drained, I felt a surge of something that I hadn’t felt since the night you were taken from Atlantis. I’m sure a lot of people felt it and did not realize what it was.”

Colin thought hard for a moment and he remembered the dream. You absorbed the light from your parents and then you were going to use it on Cassandra before Luke came in.

“Do you remember?”

“Yes.”

Cain let out a sigh. “Very well.” He looked around and leaned in closer to Colin. “Don’t tell anyone about the light.”

“Why?”

“Just promise me you won’t.”

“Okay, I won’t say anything.”

“Good. I’ll go find Janet and get healed.” He pointed to his forehead. “Will you go tell Luke and Sabrina that we’ll leave in the morning?”

Cain walked out of an opening at the other end of the tent and Colin went through the front opening. When he walked out of the tent he felt the cold night air hit his face. He looked up to see the beautiful night sky full of twinkling stars. He walked down the stone path that was lit by small torches and heard Sabrina’s voice from behind a tree.

“He always treats me like a child.”

“I know, but he really does respect you.”

“Yeah right. What fool told you that?”

“He does He knows how valuable you are to the Order. He was one of the people who told Zeus to let you join early.”

“He could give me some encouragement every once in a while. A ‘good job’ wouldn’t kill him.”

“He’s old and stubborn, but he’ll come around one day.”

“We’ll see,” she turned around and saw Colin, “Colin! How long have you been there?”

“I just got here. I came to tell you that we’re done talking. Cain said we’d leave in the morning.” That was close. I don’t want them to think I’m an eavesdropper.

“Great. We should all go to bed.” They walked back to the tent in silence. Sabrina acted as if she had said nothing. Luke seemed happy for the subject to be dropped.

When they walked in they found Cain healed and fast asleep; Luke and Sabrina climbed into the two beds on either side of him after taking their robes off and Colin lay back down in his bed. It didn’t take long for Colin to slip back into his dreams; he was still extremely exhausted.

Colin awoke the next morning to the sound of birds singing and warm sunlight coming through the mouth of the tent. He sat up and saw that he was the only one awake. He got out of bed and walked out of the tent into the warm morning sunlight. He decided to take a walk down to the flowers since it would probably be his last time here.

As he walked down the path, the sweet smell of the flowers drifted through his nose. He found a nice place where the sun shined the brightest through the trees and laid down. He stared up at the clouds not a thought on his mind. It was the most peaceful feeling he ever felt. A nice change since Saturday.

The sun started to grow brighter. Colin didn’t really notice until light shot outward from it and covered the sky and overtook him. The next thing he knew he was in a white room that was incredibly bright.

“Colin,” said a sweet and calm voice. A familiar voice. I know who that is…I think.

He turned around and saw a gorgeous woman in front him. She had long flowing black hair and pink eyes. She wore a white gown that touched the floor.

“Do you recognize me Colin?”

Colin looked at her and his dream came to him, “Mom?”

“Yes my child. I had to see you, to warn you. This is my only chance. Your father wanted to come too but he is distracting the others.”

“Warn me?”

“Yes.” She walked up to him and placed her hands on his head, pressed her forehead against his, and her energy started to flow into him. It became extremely hot. Colin felt as if his skin would melt off of his bones.

Colin sat straight up and opened his eyes; they were white as snow. Luke and the others rushed to his side. They had tried to wake Colin with no success.

“Luke,” Colin said, but his mother’s voice came through too. Their voices had blended together and came through as one.

“Karen?”

“Yes.” C


Note: You are not logged in, but you can still leave a comment or review. Before it shows up, a moderator will need to approve your comment (this is only a safeguard against spambots). Leave your email if you would like to be notified when your message is approved.







Is this a review?


  

Comments



User avatar
647 Reviews


Points: 9022
Reviews: 647

Donate
Mon Sep 04, 2006 6:12 am
Alteran says...



Well. This is the last chapter i'll be posting on YWS. The novel is finished but i should stop now and work on agents and such...ugh...

But if anyone really wants to read the whole thing for personal enjoyment i'd be happy to send you a complete copy.

anyway. CH. 4 this isn't the best version of this chapter but the good version is on a juimp drive i currently have no access to. Just wanted to see what you guys though of the original version. have fun. :)


Chapter 4
The Meeting

Colin didn’t wake up until Luke came back for lunch. Even though he only slept a few hours he felt completely rested and ready for anything. He hadn’t eaten for about a day and the lunch was something Colin couldn’t help but enjoy. Luke distanced himself while they ate. He seemed to be thinking of other things.

After they finished lunch Colin had to ask, “What are you thinking about?”

“What we have to do today.”

“We?”

“Yeah. We have to go into the city later. Zeus ordered me to bring you in to see him after lunch.” Luke sounded resentful that he had to take Colin to see Zeus.

“What does he want to see me for?”

“I have no idea; he wouldn’t tell me. But don’t worry, Zeus is nice as long as you’re respectful.”

Colin changed into a blue button down shirt, blue jeans, and white sneakers. When they left Luke’s apartment Colin dreaded going back to the ground floor; he dreaded meeting Zeus even more. The way down couldn’t be any better than the way up. Luke got in first.

“Ground floor.”

Colin got in next. “Ground floor.” He was pulled straight down and felt his insides being pushed up; it stopped as fast as it had started. The second time wasn’t pleasant, but it wasn’t as bad as the first; Colin could still walk.

Colin stepped out and Luke said, “Are you ready to go?”

“As ready as I can be.”

“Alright, we’d better get going. It’s a long walk to the tower.”

Colin followed Luke out the front door of the building and onto a main road. As they walked Colin could easily see where they were going. A giant golden tower stood at the end of the road, and it was also in the center of the city. Colin remembered seeing it in his dream. It was dark the last time he saw it; now in the daylight it was amazingly bright. “What is that place?”

“That,” Luke said pointing at the tower, “is the headquarters of the Order and the very first building built in Atlantis. It is three hundred stories high and can be used as a giant cannon.”

“It’s a weapon?”

“Yes, it can be used to channel the psychic energy of every person in Atlantis into a concentrated beam of energy. It is also the home of the Elders. They live in the very top and that is where we’re headed.”

Colin had a sinking feeling in his stomach. We have to go to the top. That means I have to ride on another one of those things.

* * *

They finally reached the tower after an hour of walking and sat down for a rest before going in. They sat on the grass in one of the many yards around the tower.

Colin followed Luke trying to ready himself for another ride. There were a lot of people inside the tower; they all had on different robes like the ones Luke and the others had on when he met them. Luke walked into a circular room and stepped onto a stone platform. Colin stepped up on the platform and it started rise. The platform rose higher and higher as other platforms with people on them went up and down all around them.

“It’ll take a while for us to get to the top,” Luke said as they continued to rise.

As they continued to rise Colin started to feel light headed and queasy. He looked down and his eyes unfocused, stomach churning. He started to lean to the side about to fall off. The lift stopped just in time. Luke grabbed Colin’s arm and pulled him to the landing.

“Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I just lost my balance.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m fine.”

“Alright. Lets go.”

The landing they were on was a hallway lined with doors. Each door had a label but Colin was more interested in the door at the end of the hall; it was gold and emitted a light that lit the corridor. Colin finally realized that this was the door they were going to and felt his stomach start to do somersaults.

Luke knocked on the door and a deep voice responded, “Enter.” Luke opened the door to a brightly lit room full of shelves covered in pots and vases; they had pictures of ancient Greek myths on them. In the middle was a stone desk with old runes carved into the front.

“Ah,” said the man behind the desk. He stood up and revealed his great height. He had white curly shoulder length hair and golden eyes. He had on a gold colored robe that matched his golden eyes. “Luke, I’m glad you’re back. This must be Colin.”

“Yes sir,” Luke said.

“Good, you may leave”

“But Zeus sir…”

“I said you my go.”

“Yes sir,” Luke said. He left, shutting the door with a snap.

“I’m very happy to see you, Colin. I haven’t seen you since you were a baby; I thought, after you were taken, you were lost to us forever. It was a great relief when we sensed your powers becoming active.”

“I don’t want to sound rude but why did you want to see me?”

“That is simple. I wanted to explain a few things to you. First I will start with your eyes. I’m sure you have not looked in a mirror since you got here.” Zeus pulled out a small mirror and handed it to Colin. He took it and looked. His mouth fell open when he saw his eyes. One was a light blue and the other was pink. It looked like the child’s eyes he saw in the dream.

“What happened?”

“When your powers were sealed your eyes dimmed because you could no longer touch your power. Then you broke the seal after sixteen years and your eyes returned to normal. A psychic’s eye color gives us some insight into their powers. You have two different colors, which is very strange. The pink connects you Karen and the blue we thought was from your father but now I am not so sure.”

“What do you mean?”

“I think the blue is a connection between you and something else. I’m not really sure but I am the only one who thinks so.”

“I don’t really know who I am anymore. I thought I would finish school and go to college. Now everything is different.”

“You will learn who you are. You are very special. Cain told me about your power of light.”

“What about it? I can’t control it and I only used it that one time.”

“You are the only one who can use the light. I don’t even know why you have it. No one has used light since he came the first time.”

“Who is he? My mom said that when she warned us at the station.

“I do not know. All we know is he is coming back to cover earth in darkness. Apollo saw him coming in a vision and that was when we built the city. Gaia found out what Apollo had seen and altered humans so they could control certain powers.

Everyone on earth has power but it is dormant. We have a certain gene that allows us to use our powers. We are here to stand up and fight him when he comes. You are our best chance for victory because you have the light.”

“So I’m supposed to be some great warrior sent to fight this great evil?”

“Do you understand how distressed the earth is right now? Your mother told you; she sent you and Luke the warning. The light is dying on this planet and you must see it.”

Zeus got up and stepped out from behind his desk. He raised his hand and the lights dimmed. The pots on the walls started to glow a faint green and a projection of earth appeared in the center of the room.

“This is the earth as we know it,” Zeus said, “now watch.”

He waved his hand and the projection showed a sphere covered in light and dark spots. Light was scarce in the globe. A large light spot was in the ocean by Japan and Colin figured it was Atlantis. Darkness was all over the globe except for a few light dots here and there.

“This is the ratio of the darkness to the light. As you can see the darkness is much greater. Gaia feeds off of the light of her people but the witches have been polluting the light and causing the darkness to spread.”

“But how? Wouldn’t the people notice the witches.”

“They use the governments of earth. They corrupt each country’s political system and monitor it to make sure the darkness grows. They plant the seeds of darkness and try to cover the planet in hatred, anger, and suffering. We have tried countless times to undo it, but the witches are always ready for us. They cover their tracks well. Even though we know they are in the governments we do not know which ones are witches and which ones are normal people.”

He waved his hand and the globe vanished; light returned to the room.

“Do you understand now?” said Zeus looking into Colin’s eyes, “You must help us fight. As it is, the Shadows will be here soon and we will need you more than ever.”

“But I can’t use the light,” Colin said, “How can I fight with a weapon I don’t know how to use?”

“That is the next thing you need to know,” Zeus said, “We will be training you to use your powers. Operatives of the Order who are the best in their field will start training you next week, and Cain has not only offered to train you but he will also teach you about our history. You need to know what has happened in the past history. Your powers span over almost every field we know of.”

“I’d rather learn to use my powers than lose control again.” He then remembered another question he wanted to ask, “Sir?”

“Yes.”

“How did I manage to break the seal?”

“It’s really quite simple. Every time you became mad you had a terrible headache, yes?” Colin thought for a moment. He didn’t really notice until Zeus said it but thinking back he did get bad headaches when his emotions ran high.

“I did,”

“That was the pressure of your powers on the seal and pressure can only build up so much before it bursts.”

“Thank you sir.”

“Anytime,” said Zeus smiling. “Don’t forget you can come to me for anything.” Colin was about to walk out the door, “Colin. I have one more thing to tell you.” Colin turned to face Zeus. “Your parents, do you know what happened to them?”

“They sacrificed themselves so the witches wouldn’t get to me.”

“They are not dead.”

“But I saw it happen!”

“You saw a gateway to the higher plane open. Your parents researched other dimensions and one was a higher plane than our own where beings of pure energy existed. They discovered how to open a door between the two dimensions and when they did light from the higher plane came through and stopped the witches.”

“That light was absorbed into my body,” Colin said

“I did not know that. Your parents gave you the power of light?”

“I think so.”

Zeus nodded to himself before looking back at Colin “would you go tell Luke I need to speak with him.”

“Sure.” Colin opened the door and saw Luke leaning against the wall. “He wants to talk to you.”

“Good,” said Luke, “wait out here, this wont take too long.”

He walked past Colin and shut the door. Colin walked over to the wall and leaned against it. He thought about what Zeus had said about his parents ascending to a higher plane of existence. As he thought a door opened and he looked up. A tall skinny man with short dirty blonde hair stood there wearing a light blue robe that seemed to show off his shoes, which were sandals with little wings on them. He was very pale.

He looked over at Colin and said in a happy voice, “Hello.”

“Hi.”

He walked over to Colin. “You must be Colin Banks I’ve been delivering a lot of mail about you.”

“Oh? What are people saying about me?”

“Not much, they just keep saying the same thing. They thought you were dead and now you’re not and everything will get better from here.”

“Figures.”

“I’m Bill.”

“Nice to meet you.”

“I wouldn’t worry about the letters. After the first day the number of same-subject letters drops.” He leaned against the wall beside Colin. “So, I guess you haven’t seen much of the city, have you?”

“No, I’ve only seen Luke’s apartment and that weird water gate. I did see the road on the way here but that isn’t much to see.”

“Just between you and me, I overheard Luke and Sabrina this morning and I think she’s going to show you around tomorrow.”

“That should be fun.”

The golden door opened and Luke came out, He looked over to Colin and saw Bill. Luke looked a little triumphant when he came out of the Zeus’ office.

“Hello Bill,” Luke said, “So, have you been talking to Colin?”

“Of course. I have to talk to the subject of so many letters.”

“Well, maybe you should get back to your mail runs, Bill. You’re our messenger and you can’t get behind.

“Sure thing. I’ll see you later Colin.”

“Bye.”

Bill walked down the hall and jumped off of the landing. He zoomed up a
little before shooting back down. Colin was very interested in Bill. He acted a little funny but he was pretty nice.

“We should be going,” Luke said.

They walked to the end of the hall and stepped onto the platform; it started to descend. Colin didn’t notice the long way down, as he was more interested in watching the people and wondering which one of them would be teaching him about his powers. He was shocked that he was actually excited about being trained. They stepped off at the ground floor and walked outside. It was dark and the sky was blanketed in stars.

“I didn’t realize how late it was,” Luke said, “When we get back I’ll fix us something to eat.”

“That sounds great, “Colin said, “I’m starving.”

They made it back at about seven-thirty. Luke started to cook hamburgers and Colin took a shower.

Just as Colin got out of the shower, he started to smell smoke. He threw on his pants and opened the door to see Luke, his face covered in soot. He was standing over the stove blasting it with water as the flames got bigger. Colin grabbed the salt off the table and unscrewed the top. He poured the salt in his hand and threw it on the fire. It made the fire dwindle long enough for Luke to get a bigger container with salt and put out the rest of the fire.

“Luke! You don’t put water on a grease fire! Who taught you how to cook?”

Luke looked at Colin and said, “Maybe we could just have sandwiches?”

“That depends. Are you going to touch the stove again?”

Luke laughed. “You get the stuff for the sandwiches, and I’ll get cleaned up.”

Colin pulled out all the things for a sandwich: lettuce, tomato, mustard, ham, turkey, cheese, and bread. Luke didn’t take long before he was ready to eat. Colin went to his room and put on a white t-shirt. They made their sandwiches and ate as fast as possible because they were so hungry. Once they finished, Colin helped Luke wash the dishes.

“I think I’ll go to bed now,” said Colin once they had finished cleaning, “ I’m pretty tired.”

“Yeah,” Luke said, “ I’m tired too.”

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow”

“Oh wait. Zeus wanted me to give you this book.”

Luke pulled an old tattered book from his robe, which lay across the couch, and handed it to Colin. It had no title and was held shut by an old rope.

“What is it?”

“I have no idea. Zeus said it might not open right away and you should read it without any one around.”

“Alright. Good night.”

He walked into his room and shut the door. He set the book down on his dresser and changed into a pair of shorts. He lay down on his bed, and as he drifted to sleep the old book’s pages started to glow with a faint light.




User avatar
820 Reviews


Points: 890
Reviews: 820

Donate
Mon Jul 24, 2006 9:20 am
Myth wrote a review...



Right, this is the crit from TSR.

“That sucks. Jason and me will be there as soon as possible. Jason and I will be there as soon as possible. Just hang around outside for us.”


The green part is the suggestion.

“Don’t start that,” said Jared, “You and mark have always competed for something...


'Mark' should have a capilised M as its a name.

“That woman you call your mother is a witch, she’s been pretending to be your mother for sixteen years. Her name is Cassandra.” New paragraph --> .“What!? No. My mom’s name is Helen Banks. It’s on all the stuff in our house. All her childhood awards, everything.”


I’ve only read the first part so I’ll make it short.

I didn’t get much from the beginning, it didn’t interest me much as the party incident.

Now on to the description of the newcomers robes:


The new arrivals had on different colored robes than the first five, one had on green, another had on a light shade of purple, and six of them had on dark blue robes with gold sparkling stars.


This could be shortened into two sentence, I’ve given an example of how you could have written that part:

The new arrivals had on different colored robes than the first five. One was in green, another in a light shade of purple, and the rest in dark blue with sparkling gold stars.

There are a few typos and commas you’ve missed out at the end of a dialogue, you’ll find them when you scan through.

Give Colin a bit more feeling. Does he just stand there while these people are talking to each other? I know he’s thinking this a dream but at least have him maybe trying to get a look at these people. Or looking to see why the kids at the party have frozen.

The arrival of these people reminded me of HP 5 when Harry met Tonks and the other characters (no idea what their names are).

I love the idea of the sphere, we seem to have the same idea of that. For one of my stories walking through a portal feels like having water splashed over them.

I’ll be back to critique the next part. So far I like the middle to the end.


Colin became suspended in the water as he took in the sight before him. Atlantis. The great tower stood high above all other buildings in the city. Nothing compared to the tower. The smaller buildings spread out ward (should be outward) from the tower until they reached a large park. Once past the park there appeared to be houses and small apartments. On the far side of the island like (island-like) platform, the city sat on, was a large forest.


Colin went forward at the tower until he suddenly collided with a barrier around the city. It repelled him with (take out the with) backwards into the dark water. A crack formed where Colin had hit the barrier. Light shown through it. It became larger and then became a hole big enough for Colin to fit through. He wasted no time swimming through, into the dry city.


“How did a hole form in the barrier,” one of them said.


This is a question, it should have a question mark before the end speech marks.

He was off again and headed to the ground. He landed silently and crept along the path, watching for signs of life. Down the path he saw a house shaped like a half sphere. That’s it, that’s their house. These were not Colin’s thoughts. It sounded like the female voice with no source. It was frightening to hear the voice but Colin continued down the path.


Colin should be more curious about this unknown person, he doesn’t appear to look around him to search for this person. And try not to repeat his name too often, you can just use he.

Light came from the house’s windows (how about: Light came from the windows of the house); Colin crept slowly to the side of the house and ducked under one of them. He poked his head up enough to see inside the house.


You used ‘house’ three times in one sentence, rephrase this so its not too repetitive.

Three people where sitting down to dinner. One was a handsome man who looked about twenty-nine; he had short brown hair that was combed forward and eyes of a deep watery blue. The woman, Colin assumed was his wife, had long black hair that flowed beautifully. She was tall and had eyes that were bright pink. She was sitting by a highchair feeding a baby that looked about one year old. He had two different color eyes, one a light blue the other a darker shade of pink. He looked like a very happy baby. Soon. I will kill him soon. It was the voice with no source. Who is that? Why do they want to kill baby?


Colin sees these weird people and doesn’t think its weird? I know this is supposed to be a dream but Colin isn’t doing much, he’s just watching. If I saw someone with pink eyes I’d be a little surprised and then think about why this person has uncommon coloured eyes.

Plus the description of the people. You give an approximate age for the man and the baby but not for the woman. I think you don’t need to tell the reader how old the baby is, that’s only my opinion, as the reader will already assume how old the child is – just because we have been told it was sitting on a high chair.

Introduce whoever is inside the house with the first sentence, you don’t have to give names, just say there were three people in the house, a man, woman and their child.

So now onto the appearances. One parent has deep blue eyes and the other has bright pink, so why does the baby have ‘light blue’ and ‘dark pink’? Should it be ‘dark blue’ and ‘light pink’, one colour of each parent?

I think you wouldn’t need to say how old the parents are, if they aren’t important characters then its not necessary. You can say they were young though.


The baby became bundled in its blanket as the invisible woman lifted him out of his crib.


You didn’t give the baby a gender before, if it’s a boy there should be something in the room to imply that the child is male. If Atlantians don’t use blue for a boy then maybe something else.

Suddenly, the air by Colin’s cheek swirled and he looked around to see that the baby was awake. It did not cry but merely stared at the air above him. The woman became visible. A hood hid her face but it was obvious she had been caught off guard.

“How can this be? You are just a child.” Footsteps were coming up the hall and Colin turned to see a man standing in the doorway.


Was this man the father? If so then you would replace ‘man’ with ‘the baby’s father’.

He put his hand to his head; a large wind went through the room and out the window.


A large wind?

As he reached the sealed hole, he shot a burst of energy at it and caused the hole in the barrier to reopen. Before the water could pour inside again he shot into the icy water and straight up to the surface. He was going up faster than he had come down. When he broke the surface of the water five people were waiting for him. They prepared to attack with fire, water, and ice but Colin put up his hand and said, “Stop!” All of them froze in midair. His original pursuers appeared from below the water and Colin sped off again to a small island about fifty miles away. He could barely see its glow on the horizon. While he flew the baby continued to cry and scream. “Silence,” Colin hissed and the child fell silent. He could no longer control what was happening. Why can’t I get a grip? What is going on? Someone please help me!


Colin makes off with the baby and no one tries to stop him or even negotiate with him? Doesn’t the baby gurgle water as it has just been underwater with not protection?

“Relax my child.” A sweet voice rang through the air. It was a female voice but one he had never heard before. “All will be explained to you soon. All you must do is watch.”

Colin reached the island and found where to go when he saw the dark circle in the middle of a lit town. All the lights were out except for the faint glow of darkness.


Faint glow of darkness? I don’t think I understand what you’re suggesting here.

“Give him back, now!” cried the woman who just landed.


Use the baby’s mother. Otherwise there are two women on the scene and could cause confusion.

“Thought you could get into my head!” screamed the woman he once thought was his mother, “Thought you could get your powers back with out me noticing, did you!

Colin got up trying to think of a way out. No. This can’t be happening. She can’t…kill me. Can she?

“No matter. I’ve wanted to kill you for years” She raised her hand level with her chest and a fireball formed in it.


Remember to use speech marks at the end of each dialogue!

Colin closed his burning hand; the twelve balls became one, and he fired another beam of energy that hit her in the shoulder. She hit the ground and tried to slip through the floor but Colin was too fast, “You’re not going anywhere.”


Try to keep the dialogue in its own paragraph. You used ‘hit’ twice in the last two sentence, the second one can easily be changed to ‘fell’ or any other synonyms of fall/fell.


Sabrina helped Luke drag Colin outside. She looked into Colin’s eyes. “I’m going to show you where were going. Close your eyes please.”


We’re not were.


I like all the action in this part. However the dream needs work, Colin’s feelings and action.

He knows that the first Atlantians he met told him his mother was a witch and not his biological parent. Yet in the dream she is called a ‘witch’, he wouldn’t need to as he doesn’t yet know that the bay and its parents is HIM and his TRUE parents.

How is it that a baby can kill off loads of witches, don’t give him too much power. He is after all just in his first year, you can make his power grow when he is older, as a baby he needs to develop other things before ‘magic’. So I found this part a little unrealistic.

The other thing is in the dream Colin is the one who swims into the city, he is the one who watches the people inside the house, so why is he surprised that he is the one picking up the child and holding it? It shouldn’t take him too long to work that out.

Keep working on this. I’ll be on chapter three next.




User avatar
647 Reviews


Points: 9022
Reviews: 647

Donate
Sun Jul 23, 2006 5:12 am
Alteran says...



A superduper mega update. All three of my lovely chapters in one nifty post. YWS is back. happy. *exhalts* what a sec....can't do that here. ha ha.




User avatar
504 Reviews


Points: 5890
Reviews: 504

Donate
Thu May 11, 2006 6:20 pm
Dream Deep wrote a review...



I thought this was pretty good, but I do agree wth Duskglimmer on some things.

Pretty decent premise, but some of the character's reactions - at the movies, for example - seemed to drag; too much he did this and she did that and he thought this and she thought that...

Also, the meeting with the people from Atlantis at the party seems a little bit cliched - the kid has power that he doesn't know - doesn't want to know he has - and people from some other place try to explain this to him and only succeed in alraming him. It's really been done to death.

But I really do like the writing, so if you ever do post more of this, I'll be back to read it!

:smt006

PS - You don't happen to like Atlantis or anything, do you? Lol, seeing as you're from there.

-Dream Deep




User avatar
647 Reviews


Points: 9022
Reviews: 647

Donate
Thu May 11, 2006 4:23 pm
Alteran says...



Thanks. I see what you mean. A lot of t6hat is just silluy things i didn't catch when i edited. And a touch of dislexiea. The look like is a forshadow of the second chapter. Luke is Colin's uncle. I probably wont post much more of the novel so i dont mind telling you a few secrets.

:smt032
how did i miss this smiliy




User avatar
447 Reviews


Points: 2340
Reviews: 447

Donate
Thu May 11, 2006 4:04 pm
Duskglimmer wrote a review...



This was really enjoyable. However, I did have a few comments:

1) The idea of Colin forgetting his date with Alice after having a crush on her for a year seems a little out of place. It would seem to me that (and this is just from the guys that I know) she would be all he could think about, especially while working on an essay in a subject he didn't like. You even say that his thoughts drift to the girl he likes while he's working on the essay. Maybe you could come up with a different reason for them to fight beside him being late?

2) Colin sounds extremely nonchalant when telling Jared and Jason what happened over the phone. It would seem to me that you either need to add some description of the dialogue to that section to change the tone, or you need to have him more hesitant to say what happened.

3)

“And how dare she through all that in your face,” said Jason, “You should have thrown some of her stuff back in her face.”


"through" should be "throw" here.

4)Maybe it's just me, but I can't really imagine Jason and Jared going to a party in... shorts. It would seem to me that if they were trying to attrat the girls, they would probably wear long jeans. But that could just be my personal preference. Honestly, I would just leave the description at "they were wearing matching outfits and tight shirts to show of thier muscles" (better
worded than that, of course).

5)
“Get out of my face.” Snap! Colin felt a sudden surge of strength go through him. It got stronger until… Wham! It felt like a brick smacked him in the head.


The "Snap!" here (I think) is supposed to be a description of what is going on with the "power" at this moment, but it sounds more like Colin is thinking it. You, know, like somepeople use the word "Snap" as an exclamitory? I would probably get rid of it alltogether since you have a "Wham!" within a few sentences that basically does the same thing.

6)
“Quiet,” said the center person. “I think it is time we talked to Colin.”


Something about this line just sounds awkward.

7)
“That is the cover name she uses. She is a witch. She will kill you dead if you go back. She’ll know your powers are back. You must come with us.”


Saying that someone will "kill you dead" seems extremely redundant. And just a little bit like an eight-year-old that got really mad at someone. Could you possibly find a different way of saying "She's gonna kill you"?

Other than that, I thought that this was good. I really liked the whole description of him trying to write his essay and his mind wandering all over the place. It's such a good picture of just how hard it can be to write that essay for that one eubject that you hate. Great job.

Also, you meantion that one of the Atlantians looks like Colin, is this going to come up later? I'm just curious.





A classic is a book which people praise and don't read.
— Mark Twain