Their voices filled my ears with delight
The melody of cheery vocals
I listened in with all of my might
My friends were all of the locals
Everything began to distance
My ears rang out in a strong pain
The teachers helped my with assistance
I couldn't even hear the droplets of rain
A long static filled my hopeless mind.
There was nothing, but people with moving lips
All of the children just left me behind
I took all of my time to write up scripts
The only thing I cherished left me alone
I live upon a broken castle throne
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,827 Reviews
Hi Alok!
I'm Shadeflame, but you can call me Shade. I'm going to review your poem.
First, I admire you for writing this! It must be hard to share some of yourself with complete strangers, especially because this is about a very hard subject for you.
I didn't see that many problems with the poem, so good job writing!
However, one was that sometimes the poem lost some of its rhythm. You could fix this by maybe not doing a rhyming poem, but it's not too major so if you don't want to, it's fine.
This poem also made me really sad for both you and any other people who struggle with hearing loss. The imagery at the end was also really good. The last line "I live upon a broken castle throne " was a great ending.
Keep writing!
-Shade
Hey!
Just thought I would pop by and leave a review on your poem.
I can tell this is a very personal topic for you and this is evident within your writing. I feel that you are so deeply ingrained in this story. This is an amazing skill to have as an author, you are able to make everyone feel like they are the one experiencing what you are writing about. I am a teacher and have a boy in my class who is verified hearing impaired. The struggle he goes through daily is heartbreaking and yet he comes to school everyday with a smile on his face and steps up to the plate knowing he is facing an uphill battle.
This poem really made me understand the loss, one minute it is there, the next it isn't.
Thank you very much for writing this wonderful piece of poetry.
Keep writing!
-Delirium Nervosa
Hey there! Alpacas comin' at you with a review!
First things first, welcome to YWS! I joined recently as well, and I can't wait to see what you do in the future.
This poem is beautiful, and I can tell it came from a very personal place (and not just because the title told me). The imagery in spot on, but the meter is a little off. If you aren't sure what I mean by that, it's almost like the rhythm or flow of the poem. There are a few lines where I can see that you understand the gist of it, but you weren't quite able to perfect it. For example, the line "All of the children just left me behind". This fits fairly well, but the use of "just" feels like a band-aid slapped on to make it fit the meter. I'm also guilty of this in my poetry, but it's a habit we'll have to learn to kick.
Other than that, this poem was phenomenal, and I look forward to reading more of your work!
-Icon
Thanks! I'll work on that.