Young Writers Society

This poem was so beautiful! The poems I have written till now are mostly narrative so I realized that I like narrative poems cause they are fun to read and your poem was so amazing. Ah, I really liked how you used symbolism in your poetry. Purple and gold are royal colors and it was really wonderful how you used it to represent the king's royalness.

They tried to give him a goddess wife

She wore a dress of forest green

Hey there! Plume here, with a review! And a belated welcome to YWS!! I hope you continue to enjoy it here!

I really enjoyed this poem! I really do love narrative poetry, and I think this one especially appealed to the inner love for the royal aesthetic. A lot of the messages in it reminded me a lot of The Song of Achilles, what with the one person being a near god and the other doomed to serve him. I really enjoyed the story you wove throughout the stanzas and overall, I think this is a really great poem!

One thing I loved was your repeated usage of purple and gold and how you contrasted that with other colors. It was so interesting how you used those colors as a mark of the king's divineness and power and then repeated them with different actions at the end of every stanza. It really helped give it this distinct poetic vibe, rife with symbolism and repetition. With this, though, I would have really liked to see the bodyguard given a color or rather a lack of a color, too. Extending this symbolism and metaphor would be something really interesting to explore, I think. It's not required for you to do; I just think it would be fun to try out!

One thing I wondered about was how the poem would be impacted by the inclusion of a rhyme scheme. As I was reading, it seemed like my brain kept expecting there to be one. That might just be my brain conditioned to expect all storytelling poems to rhyme, but I think it might be worth testing out. It would work with several rhyme schemes, and honestly it works without rhymes, too. I just think it could possibly be elevated by a rhyming scheme.

Also, just a hot tip about the coding of the site: if you press shift+enter, it gives you a smaller space between your lines which lets you save the regular enters for in between the stanzas. You can also just press space around five to ten times in the places where you want white space to be but the site keeps deleting it (I assume that's why you have the lines in between stanzas, but if they were there on purpose rather than a preventative measure, just ignore this part).

Overall: nice work!! I really enjoyed your storytelling and symbolism and thought this poem was a really fun read. I hope to see more of you around the site! Until next time!