z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

H-2-U

by AllyHowell


My name is River. We live in the year 2075. In this modern world, water is the second most needed thing in the world. Aside from money. I work for a water delivery service known as H-2-U. A long time ago, juices became too difficult to make due to climate change and the lack of people willing to grow plants. Not long after, a wealthy leader decided that water was extremely profitable and kept it from the general public. The only way to obtain drinking water today is by paying me for the water I deliver, which feeds the corporation even more. No money, no water. But, honestly, sometimes I find it okay to bend the rules a bit.

Today is a Monday morning. I grab my six boxes filled with water bottles from H-2-U, put on my shoes, and leave to keep the world moving and hydrated. My first delivery is to a light blue painted home with a well-kept lawn in the front and a beautiful white door with a large glass oval window in the center of the door. Next to the door was a small white doorbell. I pressed the button gently and heard a subtle ring. As I saw movement through the sparkling glass, a woman opened the door and reached for money from her pocket. She handed me enough money for a box worth of water.

“Just one box, please.” She said softly.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, giving her a box.

I helped her carry the box into her home since she was alone and seemed to need help. She gave me a generous tip for doing so. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case with everyone. After all, I’m just water delivery. I’m no angel.

“Will you be back again tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “Five days a week.”

“Okay,” She said as she smiled at me. “Thank you.”

“No problem, ma’am.” I said. “Have a nice day.”

“You too.” She said as she closed the door.

This was the average exchange between me and a customer. I appreciated the normalcy.

However, the next house seemed like a home to someone with more money than they knew what to do with. It was a massive white house with big, open windows lit up with golden lights from within the house. It was such a big house that I almost had trouble finding the front door. But when I did, I had to walk for a while until I reached the entrance. The door was in perfect scale to the rest of the house. It was two tall double doors in dark, gorgeous wood. Next to these doors was a glistening golden doorbell. I carefully rang the doorbell. I heard five loud and luxurious rings echo throughout the home. A man in a suit opened the door. I was supposed to tell him why I was there, but the man who opened the door intimidated me to the point where I froze in place for a moment.

“Hello,” He said firmly. “Are you the water delivery?”

“Yes,” I said. “How many boxes would you like?”

“I’d like five.” He said.

“Uh,” I said nervously. “Sir, we have a limit of-”

“I said I’d like five.” He said with enough money in his hand to buy twenty boxes if I had them with me.

“Sir,” I said, trying to stand my ground and failing horribly. “I can’t-”

“Listen,” He said while giving me a stern look and counting the money in his hand. “I can take care of this.”

“No!” I shouted. I calmed myself down before speaking again. “I mean, no thank you, sir. I’m just doing my job and-”

“It seems like there’s no speaking to you.” He said angrily.

He took five boxes from me in an instant and gave me the money for each one before I could react. I completely froze once again. No tip, but I was just grateful that all I needed to give up were two boxes over our limit. I went silent. I just took my final box and left. Oh well. I can’t worry about it too much. I moved on to the next and last house for the day. It was a worn-down light pink home with a few windows with a neat, beautiful, and growing garden in the front. I was impressed, as growing plants in this ruined climate was truly a task. Around the backyard was a swing set, a small slide, and toys playfully littered all over the grass.

I walked up to the front door on the sidewalk that was being invaded by grass through the cracks in the ground. The door was a faded white with paint peeling off, revealing the wood underneath it. I rang the doorbell. It was worn down and took a lot of pressure to ring. The doorbell created a ring that sounded like it was almost out of energy. The door slowly creaked open and a woman opened the door with children running and screaming behind her.

“Oh,” She said, almost half asleep. “Hello.”

“Hello, ma’am,” I replied, trying not to be distracted by the children behind her. “Do you need a water delivery?”

“Uh,” She said anxiously. “I… I do, but I’m not sure if I can afford it.”

“Oh, I understand,” I told her. “I could just-”

“No, no, please,” She pleaded. “Don’t leave with it, please… caring for my children since I lost my job has been a nightmare, just… please…”

She was quickly beginning to panic as she held her hands up to her chest in fear of what would happen if her family went without water. I was trying to sound sympathetic, but she must have taken it as being passive-aggressive. I wasn’t preparing to leave with what she needed, even if she couldn’t afford it. I understood her panic.

“Oh, ma’am,” I said, speaking faster in hopes she’d let me finish my sentence and in hopes that she would stop pleading to me. “I wasn’t going to leave you, I was going to tell you I could give it to you and you can keep your money.”

“Really?” She asked me with a smile growing on her face. “I mean, you don’t have to if it’s an issue…”

“No, ma’am,” I said calmly. “I insist, honestly. I don’t want you to have to panic this way.”

I brought her my last box and she took it with a massive amount of gratitude.

“Thank you,” She said happily. “Thank you so much, sir.”

“Oh, you don’t have to call me sir,” I told her. “You can just call me River.”

“Well then,” She said with a bright smile. “Thank you, River. You can call me by my name too. My name is Emmallia.”

“Ah,” I said. “That’s a pretty name. Have a nice day, Emmallia.”

“You too,” She replied. “Thank you so much, River. I mean it.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, smiling for the first time today. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” She said, closing the door.

I walked peacefully down the sidewalk. The house had a different appearance now, knowing what goes on there. I left the home and made my way down the road to get to the facility I work at. At the end of every workday is a time for me to visit the water delivery company and give them their profits. I entered the daunting building. It was a glossy black exterior with a marble and gold theme inside. The ceilings were taller than the sky and the rooms stretched for what seemed like miles. I walked up the stairs and entered the office of delivery management, the person responsible for sending me out on my deliveries every day. I placed the money on the desk in silence and I almost left to go home when I heard my name being called.

“River.” He said sternly.

“Yes?” I said, turning around quickly and nervously.

“You sold seven boxes of water supply today, yes?” He asked.

I knew I couldn’t lie to him. There would be no working in the water delivery facility for me if I lied. So I was honest.

“Yes,” I said, trying to hide my fear. “I did.”

“Why is there only enough profit for six boxes here, then? What happened to the rest of the profit?” He asked.

Uh oh.

“Well,” I replied. “There was a woman with a familywho couldn’t afford a box. I gave it to her for free because she really needed it. Sorry.”

“You gave a box away for free? You don’t have the ability to do that!” He shouted.

“I don’t have the ability, but it was an emergency. I couldn’t leave her house without giving her the water her family needed!” I shouted back.

“You can’t be giving away water!” He said angrily.

“I had to. It’s a human necessity.” I replied, trying to keep calm.

“We decided a long time ago that it’s not. If you’re going to claim that it is, then you’ll need to find us something better to deliver, like juice.” He said, finally calming down.

“Juice?” I asked. “Juice is nearly impossible to make, how are we going to sell juice?”

“Exactly. If you can’t sell anything else, stop giving away what we have. Simple as that.” He said.

I froze for a few moments to think. Juice. What if we actually could sell juice to make water accessible again? I thought about how I’d even get juice. Juice requires fruit. Fruit requires growing. Growing requires someone with an ability to grow plants despite the difficulty. Someone like that would own a garden. A garden… just like the one that the woman in the pink house had in her front yard. At that moment, it hit me.

“I know how we can sell juice,” I said proudly. “I’ll be back tomorrow. You’ll see.”

“Whatever,” He said, rolling his eyes. “Good luck with that.”

I rushed back to Emmallia’s home and rang the doorbell with more pressure this time and excitement like a little kid. She opened the door and her face lit up when she saw me.

“Welcome back, River!” She said excitedly. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon! What brings you back here?”

“Emmallia, I have great news for you!” I shouted. “I think I might know a way for you to get a new job. A really, really good one.”

I told her about how we could possibly make juice to sell in place of water. As it turns out, I was right. She does grow her garden perfectly. She told me that all of her plants have been growing properly, including fruit that could be made into juice.

My plan could work and make water available again.

“So,” She said. “I would be able to work for the company?”

“If you can supply them with juice for the first time in decades, then yes, I’m sure of it.”

“Do they pay well?” She asked, looking back at the toys scattered on the floor inside.

She was more concerned for her family than herself, and I could tell. If I could get a woman like this a good job, I’d be happy for the rest of my life.

“Absolutely,” I said with confidence. “I’ve only known you for a short time but I feel like I know what you need. Can you meet me at my office at 11 am tomorrow?”

I told her about the H-2-U delivery building and where I would be. It wasn’t really my office, it was the place I pick up my deliveries, but I could call it my office for now.

“Yes I can,” She said excitedly. “Thank you again, River. You’re an angel.”

I smiled as she shut the door, and I went home. The next morning, I was at the office building at 10. By 11, she wasn’t there.

She wasn’t there.

I got worried. I left the building and searched for her outside. I couldn’t see her there, either. I began to panic.

But then, in the distance, I saw someone slowly walking.

It was her.

I ran over to her because she seemed like she was having trouble getting to the building.

“Do you need any help?” I asked, holding out my hand for her.

She took my hand.

“Yes,” She replied as she was trying to catch her breath. “I was up for hours trying to find a babysitter and I had to walk because I don’t have a car.”

I think she saw the empathy I had for her and felt bad that she mentioned anything.

“I mean, walking is good though,” She said, trying not to upset me. “Walking is very good.”

I could tell she was trying to act like she was okay, but I saw right through that.

“Oh,” I said, disappointed with the fact that I didn’t think of this being a problem beforehand. “I could have helped, you should have told me.”

“No, no,” She said, shaking her head. “You didn’t have to help me with any of that. You’ve helped me enough. Thank you.”

We walked together to the delivery building. When we got there, I began to tell her where she should go to present the idea of replacing water with juice.

“We should both go to the delivery management office,” I told her. “The delivery manager is my boss, so if our idea passes them, we can get to the manager of H-2-U.”

“The manager of H-2-U, huh?” She asked in amazement. “I can’t believe I’m here. I know I’ve said this a lot, but thank you, River.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, smiling at her. “But we really need to get to the office.”

We made our way from the delivery area to the delivery management office. Sure enough, the man who told me that selling juice was impossible was going to hear about our plan to sell juice. We both walked into the office.

“Hello, sir,” I said. “I have someone here that wishes to present an idea to you. If you approve of it, we will take it to head management.”

“Okay,” He said, looking into Emmallia’s eyes. “I’m listening.”

I asked Emmallia if she would like to present this idea herself, without me. She said that was fine. So I walked out of the room and shut the door, resisting the urge to eavesdrop.

“Thank you, sir.” She said as she walked out of the office, preserving her excitement. I could immediately tell by the look on her face that the idea was approved. In an instant, she started jumping up and down in absolute excitement.

“Emmallia, wait, before you start celebrating,” I said, trying to calm her down without killing the mood. “You still have to present the idea to head management.”

We walked through the building to the office of head management. Before opening the door, we both stopped for a moment.

“Can you present the idea yourself again?” I asked. “I don’t want to leave you on your own like this, but I really want you to take full credit.”

“Yes,” She replied. “I’m ready.”

She stepped into the office and she was there for a while. I waited patiently outside the door, trying not to eavesdrop again. I looked around the room and thought about how different the world would be if our idea passed. She was in the office for about half an hour. Then, she stepped out slowly before closing the door.

“Thank you, sir. I understand.” She said with a stern look on her face.

She closed the door and turned to me.

“So?” I asked nervously.

“So,” She said. “They approved my idea! They’re changing H-2-U to Juice-2-U. Not as good of a name, but we did it!”

Just as I thought her idea was denied, She began to jump, spin and cheer.

“So… water isn’t going to be delivered anymore?” I asked. “We freed water?”

“In a sense, yes, River.” She replied with a smile brighter than the sun. “We have freed water.”

We have freed water.


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169 Reviews


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Sun Sep 03, 2023 4:38 pm
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Rose wrote a review...



Greetings Storyteller!

Beyond my beloved horizon, I'm setting sail into uncharted pages with an itch for adventure. Through binoculars, I spy with my little eye a captivating story titled “H-2-U” that deserves a good review. So without further ado, let’s begin.

Image

I. It all begins at the beginning
Very first of all, your story starts with a compelling introduction. The narrative immediately radiates a sense of intrigue, drawing the readers in with a well-crafted opening.
The setting of “H-2-U” is in the future, the year 2075, this is something that definitely made me curious about the story. Using climate change as a topic is a smart decision, not only because it is something which awakes many debates, but also because it is a topic that makes many people inquisitive about your work.
The title presentation is effective and it perfectly introduces the themes we read about late rin the story.

II. The Door to Improvement
Using symbols to indicate time skips for smoother transitions could elevate the storytelling.
To create an even more fascinating story, you could consider delving deeper into the background and emotions of the characters. But also expanding details about this futuristic world would be a great idea.
Don’t forget tension, tension is one of the many things that adds depth to the plot. Try mixing the tension with the conflicts. You have already used descriptive language which is a good thing, but think about providing more of that when describing the characters and their interactions with the protagonist.
These suggestions are offered with the intention of boosting the story’s depth and impact, so I hope they are helpful.

III. Confetti Moments!
The moment in the story where River encounters the man with the big house, it showcases your ability to make characters as well as situations relatable. This adds depth to the narrative and definitely keeps the reader engaged.
The setting you created for the story is remarkable, it was immediately drawn to the story.
Furthermore, I really like the name River, it radiates the kindness and hope in the protagonist himself. It also fits well with the most important thing in the story, water.

IV. When All is Said and Done
“H-2-U” is a thought-provoking tale set in a futuristic world where water is scarce. It effectively captures the challenge faced by the protagonist, River, a society where water is a luxury. The shift in focus from water to juice adds an intriguing layer to the plot, leaving me eager to explore how this will impact the characters and their world.
Your story has great potential and I hope you will continue it one day, someday, or maybe today.

V. Seek Inspiration Beyond
Feel free to check out Calamity and Her Whims, Chapter 1 by @KocoCoko for some extra inspiration and ideas to spice up your own storytelling!

That's it, that's all.
Hoping the review has been of value to you!
By the way, a little late but... Welcome to YWS!

Yours in Puzzling Shadows,
Rose




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Tue May 02, 2023 10:20 pm
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RazorSharpPencil wrote a review...



This story is AMAZING. Climate change is a big, big problem and I think this story shows (in a fictional sense) what could happen if we do not combat climate change and try to save our environment. Only 3% of the world's water is freshwater, and some 1.1 billion people in the world lack access to water. Water sanitation is also a problem, with 2.4 billion people around the world who are exposed to water borne diseases like cholera. Rivers, lakes, and other bodies of water are drying up or becoming too polluted to use. More than half of the world's wetlands have disappeared. Climate change is altering our environment, and agriculture is a lot more water. At the current water consumption, or loss rate, by 2025, 2/3rds of the world population may face water shortages. But enough with the stats. I loved how you wrote the story, and the wording you used. My mom is telling me to get off my laptop so I have to go. Keep Writing!




AllyHowell says...


Thank you for the review! I also feel very passionate about the topic of climate change and environmental damage, but the thought of this story potentially becoming a reality is scary.



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Tue May 02, 2023 4:42 pm
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AmayaStatham wrote a review...



Hey there,

Im here to leave you an review.

First impression: Wow! I think you did an amazing job here. This story is so sweet and diligently written. The fact that you chose water as a topic is even more bold. I really enjoyed reading your story, it was just awesome. (Great story, to escape my math homework in class)

I'm going to start of now.

My name is River. We live in the year 2075. In this modern world, water is the second most needed thing in the world. Aside from money. I work for a water delivery service known as H-2-U. A long time ago, juices became too difficult to make due to climate change and the lack of people willing to grow plants. Not long after, a wealthy leader decided that water was extremely profitable and kept it from the general public. The only way to obtain drinking water today is by paying me for the water I deliver, which feeds the corporation even more. No money, no water. But, honestly, sometimes I find it okay to bend the rules a bit.


I love the fact that you chose to start with his name. This beginning is about that water is not free. No money, no water. I think that's cruel, but great for a story. And the name you chose for the protagonist, River, is also very on point, because the story is about water too. Great thinking over there, Ally! You have written the story in River his point of view and that is also something that makes your story more fun to read. You also introduce River's great personality in here a bit already. The sentence where he says, "But, honestly, sometimes I find it okay to bend the rules a bit." Shows his emotion and emphaty for people who can't afford the water already. I like that. Great start off, I'd like to say.

Today is a Monday morning. I grab my six boxes filled with water bottles from H-2-U, put on my shoes, and leave to keep the world moving and hydrated. My first delivery is to a light blue painted home with a well-kept lawn in the front and a beautiful white door with a large glass oval window in the center of the door. Next to the door was a small white doorbell. I pressed the button gently and heard a subtle ring. As I saw movement through the sparkling glass, a woman opened the door and reached for money from her pocket. She handed me enough money for a box worth of water.

“Just one box, please.” She said softly.

“Yes, ma’am,” I said, giving her a box.

I helped her carry the box into her home since she was alone and seemed to need help. She gave me a generous tip for doing so. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case with everyone. After all, I’m just water delivery. I’m no angel.

“Will you be back again tomorrow?” She asked.

“Yes,” I replied. “Five days a week.”

“Okay,” She said as she smiled at me. “Thank you.”

“No problem, ma’am.” I said. “Have a nice day.”

“You too.” She said as she closed the door.

This was the average exchange between me and a customer. I appreciated the normalcy.


I like your vivid descriptions of the house, it makes your story seem more lively and that way the reader can picture himself/herself in your story and relive everything that is happening. Nice, nice. The simple dialogues you used here are very fitting in this setting and scene and I have nothing to complain about here. This scene shows that not a lot of people seem dull these days. They're just about working, making money (to buy water &) to survive. Sad, that we're going to such an world, but once again it makes an incredible story.

However, the next house seemed like a home to someone with more money than they knew what to do with. It was a massive white house with big, open windows lit up with golden lights from within the house. It was such a big house that I almost had trouble finding the front door. But when I did, I had to walk for a while until I reached the entrance. The door was in perfect scale to the rest of the house. It was two tall double doors in dark, gorgeous wood. Next to these doors was a glistening golden doorbell. I carefully rang the doorbell. I heard five loud and luxurious rings echo throughout the home. A man in a suit opened the door. I was supposed to tell him why I was there, but the man who opened the door intimidated me to the point where I froze in place for a moment.

“Hello,” He said firmly. “Are you the water delivery?”

“Yes,” I said. “How many boxes would you like?”

“I’d like five.” He said.

“Uh,” I said nervously. “Sir, we have a limit of-”

“I said I’d like five.” He said with enough money in his hand to buy twenty boxes if I had them with me.

“Sir,” I said, trying to stand my ground and failing horribly. “I can’t-”

“Listen,” He said while giving me a stern look and counting the money in his hand. “I can take care of this.”

“No!” I shouted. I calmed myself down before speaking again. “I mean, no thank you, sir. I’m just doing my job and-”

“It seems like there’s no speaking to you.” He said angrily.

He took five boxes from me in an instant and gave me the money for each one before I could react. I completely froze once again. No tip, but I was just grateful that all I needed to give up were two boxes over our limit. I went silent. I just took my final box and left. Oh well. I can’t worry about it too much.


This part is very nicely written and you did a great job showing that there were Rich people who abuse their position and just do what they want to. Because what they think is better. Even if the government/company policy/ River or anyone is against it, if they think it's good, it's good. (Jerk that guy, but he paid so yeah) The fact that you have put River in a position where he can almost do nothing, but just agree of go against his will, is good. That shows that there are ups and downs in the business. I love this line: "“No!” I shouted. I calmed myself down before speaking again. “I mean, no thank you, sir. I’m just doing my job and-” This is just very funny and made me laugh. Great job over here!

I moved on to the next and last house for the day. It was a worn-down light pink home with a few windows with a neat, beautiful, and growing garden in the front. I was impressed, as growing plants in this ruined climate was truly a task. Around the backyard was a swing set, a small slide, and toys playfully littered all over the grass.

I walked up to the front door on the sidewalk that was being invaded by grass through the cracks in the ground. The door was a faded white with paint peeling off, revealing the wood underneath it. I rang the doorbell. It was worn down and took a lot of pressure to ring. The doorbell created a ring that sounded like it was almost out of energy. The door slowly creaked open and a woman opened the door with children running and screaming behind her.

“Oh,” She said, almost half asleep. “Hello.”

“Hello, ma’am,” I replied, trying not to be distracted by the children behind her. “Do you need a water delivery?”

“Uh,” She said anxiously. “I… I do, but I’m not sure if I can afford it.”

“Oh, I understand,” I told her. “I could just-”

“No, no, please,” She pleaded. “Don’t leave with it, please… caring for my children since I lost my job has been a nightmare, just… please…”

She was quickly beginning to panic as she held her hands up to her chest in fear of what would happen if her family went without water. I was trying to sound sympathetic, but she must have taken it as being passive-aggressive. I wasn’t preparing to leave with what she needed, even if she couldn’t afford it. I understood her panic.

“Oh, ma’am,” I said, speaking faster in hopes she’d let me finish my sentence and in hopes that she would stop pleading to me. “I wasn’t going to leave you, I was going to tell you I could give it to you and you can keep your money.”

“Really?” She asked me with a smile growing on her face. “I mean, you don’t have to if it’s an issue…”

“No, ma’am,” I said calmly. “I insist, honestly. I don’t want you to have to panic this way.”

I brought her my last box and she took it with a massive amount of gratitude.

“Thank you,” She said happily. “Thank you so much, sir.”

“Oh, you don’t have to call me sir,” I told her. “You can just call me River.”

“Well then,” She said with a bright smile. “Thank you, River. You can call me by my name too. My name is Emmallia.”

“Ah,” I said. “That’s a pretty name. Have a nice day, Emmallia.”

“You too,” She replied. “Thank you so much, River. I mean it.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, smiling for the first time today. “Goodbye.”

“Goodbye.” She said, closing the door.

I walked peacefully down the sidewalk. The house had a different appearance now, knowing what goes on there. I left the home and made my way down the road to get to the facility I work at.


This part is a very emotional scene. River did such an kind deed here. The poor lady was starting to panic wether she's be able to afford the water or just let her children starve. (I wonder why she lost her job, maybe that can come clear in another part/chapter of this story. Who knows.) River is very sweet now I see why he said, he bends the rules sometimes. :) He's very kind and sweet. You did an great job brining that part of him forward, nice job. (The name Emmallia, is also very sweet and fits her character. <3) You dialogs are simple but yet with so much content in it, that I just love reading them.


At the end of every workday is a time for me to visit the water delivery company and give them their profits. I entered the daunting building. It was a glossy black exterior with a marble and gold theme inside. The ceilings were taller than the sky and the rooms stretched for what seemed like miles. I walked up the stairs and entered the office of delivery management, the person responsible for sending me out on my deliveries every day. I placed the money on the desk in silence and I almost left to go home when I heard my name being called.

“River.” He said sternly.

“Yes?” I said, turning around quickly and nervously.

“You sold seven boxes of water supply today, yes?” He asked.

I knew I couldn’t lie to him. There would be no working in the water delivery facility for me if I lied. So I was honest.

“Yes,” I said, trying to hide my fear. “I did.”

“Why is there only enough profit for six boxes here, then? What happened to the rest of the profit?” He asked.

Uh oh.

“Well,” I replied. “There was a woman with a familywho couldn’t afford a box. I gave it to her for free because she really needed it. Sorry.”

“You gave a box away for free? You don’t have the ability to do that!” He shouted.

“I don’t have the ability, but it was an emergency. I couldn’t leave her house without giving her the water her family needed!” I shouted back.

“You can’t be giving away water!” He said angrily.

“I had to. It’s a human necessity.” I replied, trying to keep calm.

“We decided a long time ago that it’s not. If you’re going to claim that it is, then you’ll need to find us something better to deliver, like juice.” He said, finally calming down.

“Juice?” I asked. “Juice is nearly impossible to make, how are we going to sell juice?”

“Exactly. If you can’t sell anything else, stop giving away what we have. Simple as that.” He said.

I froze for a few moments to think. Juice. What if we actually could sell juice to make water accessible again? I thought about how I’d even get juice. Juice requires fruit. Fruit requires growing. Growing requires someone with an ability to grow plants despite the difficulty. Someone like that would own a garden. A garden… just like the one that the woman in the pink house had in her front yard. At that moment, it hit me.

“I know how we can sell juice,” I said proudly. “I’ll be back tomorrow. You’ll see.”

“Whatever,” He said, rolling his eyes. “Good luck with that.”


I like that you made the manager kind of uninterested in River's story and ability to change their company from a water company to a juice company. It makes the story more realistic and relatable. And then you have River over there trying to convince him that it is possible, he's doing his best so hard. I gave the feeling he's not very old, maybe in his early twenties or just eighteen, nineteen years old. River's character is very sweet, kind, caring and not afraid to try new things. (he does fear to lose his job a bit, but that's alright. Everyone is afraid of losing their job when it comes to desperate times) That is something which makes your story more relatable and a succes.

I rushed back to Emmallia’s home and rang the doorbell with more pressure this time and excitement like a little kid. She opened the door and her face lit up when she saw me.

“Welcome back, River!” She said excitedly. “I didn’t expect to see you so soon! What brings you back here?”

“Emmallia, I have great news for you!” I shouted. “I think I might know a way for you to get a new job. A really, really good one.”

I told her about how we could possibly make juice to sell in place of water. As it turns out, I was right. She does grow her garden perfectly. She told me that all of her plants have been growing properly, including fruit that could be made into juice.

My plan could work and make water available again.

“So,” She said. “I would be able to work for the company?”

“If you can supply them with juice for the first time in decades, then yes, I’m sure of it.”

“Do they pay well?” She asked, looking back at the toys scattered on the floor inside.

She was more concerned for her family than herself, and I could tell. If I could get a woman like this a good job, I’d be happy for the rest of my life.

“Absolutely,” I said with confidence. “I’ve only known you for a short time but I feel like I know what you need. Can you meet me at my office at 11 am tomorrow?”

I told her about the H-2-U delivery building and where I would be. It wasn’t really my office, it was the place I pick up my deliveries, but I could call it my office for now.

“Yes I can,” She said excitedly. “Thank you again, River. You’re an angel.”

I smiled as she shut the door, and I went home. The next morning, I was at the office building at 10. By 11, she wasn’t there.

She wasn’t there.

I got worried. I left the building and searched for her outside. I couldn’t see her there, either. I began to panic.


This part is also great, I can feel the excitement of your character about his new idea. Also the way hew presents the idea to Emmallia is very enthousiastic and awesomly written. Nice job. ((On the other hand, I think that Emmalia's character could use some more character development, she feels a little empty sometimes. That's just a suggestion, it's completely okay, if you don't want to change anything.)) Good job on creating the disapointment too. The way River just goes: She wasn’t there. Hit's very on point! I mean, you know just when you think everything is going to go okay it just falls back in a puddle. Amazing!

But then, in the distance, I saw someone slowly walking.

It was her.

I ran over to her because she seemed like she was having trouble getting to the building.

“Do you need any help?” I asked, holding out my hand for her.

She took my hand.

“Yes,” She replied as she was trying to catch her breath. “I was up for hours trying to find a babysitter and I had to walk because I don’t have a car.”

I think she saw the empathy I had for her and felt bad that she mentioned anything.

“I mean, walking is good though,” She said, trying not to upset me. “Walking is very good.”

I could tell she was trying to act like she was okay, but I saw right through that.

“Oh,” I said, disappointed with the fact that I didn’t think of this being a problem beforehand. “I could have helped, you should have told me.”

“No, no,” She said, shaking her head. “You didn’t have to help me with any of that. You’ve helped me enough. Thank you.”

We walked together to the delivery building. When we got there, I began to tell her where she should go to present the idea of replacing water with juice.

“We should both go to the delivery management office,” I told her. “The delivery manager is my boss, so if our idea passes them, we can get to the manager of H-2-U.”

“The manager of H-2-U, huh?” She asked in amazement. “I can’t believe I’m here. I know I’ve said this a lot, but thank you, River.”

“You’re welcome,” I said, smiling at her. “But we really need to get to the office.”

We made our way from the delivery area to the delivery management office. Sure enough, the man who told me that selling juice was impossible was going to hear about our plan to sell juice. We both walked into the office.

“Hello, sir,” I said. “I have someone here that wishes to present an idea to you. If you approve of it, we will take it to head management.”

“Okay,” He said, looking into Emmallia’s eyes. “I’m listening.”

I asked Emmallia if she would like to present this idea herself, without me. She said that was fine. So I walked out of the room and shut the door, resisting the urge to eavesdrop.

“Thank you, sir.” She said as she walked out of the office, preserving her excitement. I could immediately tell by the look on her face that the idea was approved. In an instant, she started jumping up and down in absolute excitement.

“Emmallia, wait, before you start celebrating,” I said, trying to calm her down without killing the mood. “You still have to present the idea to head management.”

We walked through the building to the office of head management. Before opening the door, we both stopped for a moment.

“Can you present the idea yourself again?” I asked. “I don’t want to leave you on your own like this, but I really want you to take full credit.”

“Yes,” She replied. “I’m ready.”

She stepped into the office and she was there for a while. I waited patiently outside the door, trying not to eavesdrop again. I looked around the room and thought about how different the world would be if our idea passed. She was in the office for about half an hour. Then, she stepped out slowly before closing the door.

“Thank you, sir. I understand.” She said with a stern look on her face.

She closed the door and turned to me.

“So?” I asked nervously.

“So,” She said. “They approved my idea! They’re changing H-2-U to Juice-2-U. Not as good of a name, but we did it!”

Just as I thought her idea was denied, She began to jump, spin and cheer.

“So… water isn’t going to be delivered anymore?” I asked. “We freed water?”

“In a sense, yes, River.” She replied with a smile brighter than the sun. “We have freed water.”

We have freed water.


I'm going to be completly honest with you here, the suspense building here is good, but it could use some more improvements.

I like the way you paced this story and the fact that you didn't use an actual narrator but just River's point of view is what makes this story even more engaging to read. You last sentence goes very far, "We have freed water." I can just hear a happy desperate mother, Emmallia, saying (screaming) that. Faboulous!

Overall, I think you did an amazing job writing this story. And if Reedsy didn't accept , they've missed out on a real story. I can say that. You did your best and your work reflects that. Your descriptions are very nicely done, some of your characters could use a little character development, but that's okay. Your ending is very sweet and nice.

I wonder if your doing a part 2?

Maybe create some conflict that there is a bad harvest of fruit or fruit flies ate all of the fruit? Who knows, maybe there is someone else who plants fruit too and wants to sabotage Emmallia's garden to use it for their own gain?

It's totally up to you!

Great job! Keep writing! Have an amazing day/ night!

- Rinisha




AllyHowell says...


Wow, this review is so detailed I'm not sure I can cover everything in this reply! I initially wasn't considering making a part two since I'm working on a much larger series, but now I'm rethinking it. If I do make a second part, I'll definitely work more on the characters. Thank you so much for taking the time to dive into all the little details!



AmayaStatham says...


aww, thats so sweet. You're welcome!



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Tue May 02, 2023 12:17 pm
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HB1103 wrote a review...



Hey there! Here's my review! :)

Firstly, you've done a great job of creating a futuristic world that is based on the idea that water is scarce and is therefore expensive.

It creates a sense of tension and desperation in the story, and it makes it more interesting how the characters interact and behave differently. Talking about how they interact, it's interesting to see the ways people are affected by this scarcity. Nice, nice.

I love the quote:

"I helped her carry the box into her home since she was alone and seemed to need help. She gave me a generous tip for doing so. Unfortunately, that isn’t the case with everyone. After all, I’m just water delivery. I’m no angel."


It's quite nice. It shows how precious water is and how grateful people are.

Anyways, your story has a nice plot, it give a slight Dystopian Theme which is good. I think you can add a bit more about the 'wealthy leader who decided water is very profitable', I'd love to hear more about this character too.


Just a suggestion to improve your story a bit further, the protagonist, River, is not well-defined and his motivations are unclear. Maybe she could be secretly angry towards the Leader? You could show how her motivations impact her in the story.

Overall, the story has some potential, but would benefit some further development of its characters and plot. It's quite a nice story, you've got a nice writing style too. I look forward to reading more from you in the future!

Good job!

- HB




AllyHowell says...


Thank you for the review! I wrote this story in the summer of last year, so hopefully my characters become more rounded, and I intend to work on this aspect of my stories in the future. Thank you for the feedback, I really appreciate it!




I want to see people turn and writhe; make them feel things they cannot see and sometimes do not know.
— Anna Held