"Eveline" Chapter 1

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The snow continued to fall, it had been falling for years. Twelve to be exact, I’d watched the snow fall heavily onto the ground since I was three years old. It didn’t appear to be stopping anytime soon.

The snowflakes would flutter around the air, playing tag with one another before plummeting to the ground.

I remember being very little and asking my dad why we never visited the beach. He had said “Eveline, I honest to god don’t know why! All I know is that I and your mother moved out here to this part of the world where it’s said to be sunny and bright!” I recalled a small version of myself scrunching up my nose and protesting. “But it’s always snowing!”

He just grimaced then murmured to himself about how it wasn’t likely to stop. Back then I had dazzling green eyes that shimmered like the moon on a starry night.

Now they were bright blue with shiny gold specks throughout them.

When my eyes were green, my hair had been brown. Now it was practically white.

The more it snows the more my hair seems to turn white, and my eyes turn bluer and gather more gold. My small family of me, and my mom and dad live in a cozy little house along the brims of the woods. I can stand on my front porch and see all the snow on the trees.

It’s beautiful, the trees look majestic and powerful. The county that we live in is practically isolated due to all of the snow. There hasn’t been one day that we haven’t gained at least two inches.

No one in our little county can get in or out of it. The smart people packed up and hit the road as soon as a flurry landed on the ground!

If you listen hard you can hear a tune that the snowflakes sing as they land. I call it the snow’s lament! The tune just seems to absorb all my sadness and replace it with warmth.

As the trees sway in the wind they seem to dance to the tune. If I really focus and watch them they seem to sing my name in high pitched beautiful voices.

I tried to tell my friend Alissa about the trees and snow singing my name and she laughed. Well needless to say I laughed it off so that she wouldn’t begin to think I’m a freak as well as most of the kids in my tiny school do.

In seventh grade I had to switch to a school closer to the county so that a car could drive me there. I can recall the first day, my hair wasn’t completely white yet, but my eyes were bright blue with only a few golden specks.

The teacher’s voice was raspy, like fingers scratching a piece of sandpaper.

“Everyone this is Eveline Green.” I gave everyone my I-Just-Won-An-Award smile as he said my name to the class. Instead of smiling back most of them snickered.

So I decided to do a different approach and glared at one boy. “Does anyone have any questions they’d like to ask Eveline before we begin the class?” The boy I was staring down raised his hand.

“Mark?”

“What’s up with your name?” My already rosy cheeks turned red as I said “It means light.”

“Says who?”

“Celtic people and the dictionary.” The class laughed and I smirked at Mark. I shouldn’t have now that I think back on it.

“Well what’s wrong with your eyes? I mean no one has random weird specks of gold in them.” I bit my lower lip and looked out the window.

It was larger than my kitchen window and I could distinctly see the trees. The wind roared and the trees started to shake and dance.

Eveline…Eveline…Save us…Come to us…Eveline…

“EVELINE!” The teacher yelled, I was brought back to the classroom in a flash seeing that all of the students were now giving me funny looks. “Eveline are you alright? Mark asked you a question then you blanked out on us all.”

I smiled sheepishly then said quickly “I’m tired, sorry Mark.” The teacher raised his brows then pointed to a seat located in the back of the room. The seat was next to Alissa, my current best friend.

The rest of the day was full of trying to avoid nasty people and Mark, who had spread plenty of rumors.

My hopes of making friends died with him. Thank god for Alissa and her two friends Rachel and Bridget. The three of us bonded instantly, to this day they are still my only friends. Since my hair just got whiter and my eyes just got more golden as the snow fell. This meant I weekly got weirder, according to the population of Rocket Middle/High School.

Then there are the wolves. Their howls and moans filled the nighttime air. When I lay in bed at night their howls sound full of despair.

Everyone knows that the wolves aren’t to be messed with. They’ve attacked girls in the past, never boys.

They reside in the woods hidden throughout the trees. When I stand at the bus stop I can see their shadows rattling in the woods, with their golden eyes. They wouldn’t dare to attack anyone with a crowd around. Thankfully my bust stop counts as a crowd.

But I know they’re waiting.

***********************

The wind thrashes my hair around my face violently. “You have to see my new shoes!” Alissa screams as she runs toward me with a huge grin on her face.

“My dad finally ordered some and they arrived!” Alissa shouts, the wind blows her brown ponytail from side to side as she smiles at me.

“They’re great.” I tell her, not exactly looking at them.

Her face goes into a pout as she says exasperatingly “It took forever to get them and you clearly don’t care!”

“Yeah, well sorry I have other things to think about rather than your shoes.” Alissa crosses her arms and asks defiantly “What? Trees.” I grimace and realize that I have been staring off at them since I’d gotten to the bus stop.

“They look like they’re dancing, I mean can’t you see the way they flow from side to side?” Alissa looks dumbfounded then shakes her head no. “Eveline you’ve been living here way too long if trees fascinate you.” I scowl as she begins to lecture me about I’m missing out on life.

The trees rattle and gain my attention again. I close my eyes and hear the tune, so I begin to quietly sing the words I added to it.

I feel the wind blow my face so I sing a little bit louder, each time the wind blows my volume increases.

I feel like I’ve left the bust stop and am amidst the trees. I can feel the wolves’ warm breath on my legs and the cool wind on my face.

Then I’m in a part of the wood that seems to have the light everywhere making the trees seem to be full of golden light. Eveline, light, you are close to your-

“Eveline! What are you doing?” I open my eyes and suddenly remember that I had been at the bus stop. Now I was about to walk into the woods.

“Eveline what are you doing? One moment I’m telling you about my shoes and the next you begin to murmur and you close your eyes and, and, and walked over here and you were about to go into the woods and I was just so scared!” Alissa yells at me, her face truly terror stricken.

“I’m sorry Alissa, I don’t know what came over me.” Alissa just stands there unsure of what she should do.

Finally she sighs and mutters “Don’t do this again. There’s the bus.”

“You go ahead, I’ll be there momentarily.” Alissa hesitantly dashes off to the bus.

I stand at the brim of the woods and look up at the tree tops wonderingly. As I get into the bus I could swear I heard the wolves howl, but when I asked Alissa she just gave me a look.

Nothing exciting happens during the school day, nothing exciting ever happens. Well besides the fact that I completely went into a trance again during first period.

I was hearing this strange woman’s voice in my head… She was in a room full of golden light and there were candles everywhere. She was holding fire in her hands and her eyes had golden specks in them. When she was about to speak someone threw a paper airplane at me and I was pushed towards reality again.

Mark and his friends were snickering at me and pretending to glance off into space. I grimaced and didn’t enter a trance again for the rest of the school day.

I pushed my hair out of my face as I opened my house door. I sighed then dashed to my room. No one is ever home when I’m home, my dad is out in the town building this new mall and my mom is, well somewhere.

So when I slammed my door shut and heard my mom screaming out in terror I was shocked. I could hear her moaning and groaning.

At the foot of her door was a wolf. Its eyes were taunting me, daring me to move. I screamed and yelled at it.

It snarled curling its lower lip before dashing out of the house.

I opened the bedroom door and was engulfed with perfume. My mom was laying on her bed with her eyes open wide, she was frowning and thrashing at the covers. To me she appeared to be seeing people and things that I couldn’t see.

“Mommy?” I whispered softly, she stopped thrashing and motioned for me to come to her. I put my hand on her head and she began to breathe smoother. She gasped for air, “I’m going to get you help!” I yelled and she shook her head no.

“You can’t… Eveline…It’s too late.” I ran out of the room and grabbed my cell phone I called the ambulance then called my dad.

“Mom’s seeing things! She’s in this state and there was this wolf! I’ve called the ambulance!”

“This can’t be happening! Not again!”

“She typically see’s things?”

“Eveline honey I can’t explain…”

“Try.”

“She claims that she see’s fairy creatures and thing’s that no one else can, she claims that they visit her during the day so she goes away from the house during the daytime.” I hung up the phone not believing my ears.

But to me I found it possible, I mean I think trees and snow talk to me so why wouldn’t imaginary creatures talk to her? I go into her room again to find her eyes wide and her murmuring under her breath.

So I sing the snow’s tune to her, not knowing what else to do. She starts to calm down and say’s to me “You are ready.”

I don’t bother to ask what she’s talking back so instead I keep singing.

“When you are sixteen in two days time it shall begin.” I ignore her and keep singing. “Eveline.” I stop singing and listen and look at her eyes.

They were bright blue like the ocean, but it lacked golden specks. She reached out for my hand and said “Do not be afraid.”

“I don’t understand…” She sighed and continued to squeeze my hand “The ambulance is here.” Then a fire man ran into the room scooping up my mom into his humongous arms leaving me standing in the door way. Then my world changed.

That night they took my mom to a mental hospital. A helicopter had to come and take her away. I wasn’t there when it happened but the sound of its blades chopping the snow and the air could be heard for miles.

I felt so empty inside, when my dad got home from work he sat in his recliner and sobbed.

I couldn’t bear to watch his pain flow out of him through his tears so I went down to the coffee shop. Everyone there refused to meet my eyes.

Now I was the oddball, parents everywhere probably believed their teenagers now that Eveline Green was crazy.

If her mom was crazy then why wouldn’t she be? I ordered a latte’ and sat in a booth near the back window. I drank in silence thinking about the trees.

They looked so cold and cruel, covered in snow during the night. I couldn’t bear to look at them. I ran out of the coffee shop and sat on the snow covered bench out front.

Then I allowed myself to cry, if I hadn’t called the ambulance she wouldn’t have been taken away and life would have continued on as normal.

“It was meant to be.” Said a voice from behind me. I turned around surprised to see Mark standing there holding my unfinished latte’. I scowled and continued to cry as he sat down next to me.

“What do you know about this?” I asked his through my quiet sobs.

“I know that it wasn’t your fault and that today was planned.”

“PLANNED? What have you been planning to poison her since you decided to make me a school outcast?” He looked at me silently then said quietly

“What happened today was going to happen whether or not you called the ambulance or if someone else did.”

“How would you know? Why are you even talking to me right now?” I asked standing up and getting ready to walk away from him. From this, from everything.

Mark stood up and took my wrist so that I was facing him “Look Eveline I know that we haven’t exactly been all that tight in the past-“

“All that tight? You jerk you spread rumors about me and threw things and made sure thing’s fell on me! I can not believe your guts to even try and talk to me about what happened today being planned! I need to go far, far away from this place!”

“Listen to me!”

“NO!” I said before dropping the latte’ and running back to my house. I entered to find all of the lights out and my dad still in his recliner.

“Should I turn on one of the lights?” I asked my dad tiredly. He stood up and looked at me sadly, before he shook his head no.

“But it’s so dark in here-“

My dad cut me off yelling “Your mother would always keep the lights on!”

I stifled a sob before going up to my room and saw that my phone was beeping.

“Hello?” I asked quietly not sure who was on the other line. “Eveline listen to me something else will happen tonight-“

“MARK STOP TALKING TO ME!” I yelled before throwing my phone against the wall and falling down onto my bed.

I laid there for hours trying to sleep. I couldn’t though, I was longing for sleep to come and swallow me up where I wouldn’t have to worry about anything for a good nine hours.

Eventually I gave up and went downstairs to find my father sitting in the recliner. “You should try to get some sleep.” I told him tiredly. He yawned before muttering “Leave me.” I went outside leaving him in his dark room.

The moon was shining brightly like a million fireflies. I suddenly remembered that I had forgotten a coat, but oddly I was sweating and full of heat.

At that moment I wanted to be cool and not steaming hot so I ran into the town square and sat on the brim of the well.

Then I saw the gleaming yellow eyes and heard a growl. I froze feeling his presence, the wolf was in front of me.

It snarled and barked at me showing off it’s pointed fangs. The wind blew the trees and they danced inviting me to go into my trance state. I focused on the wolf and yelled. What happened next shocked and confused me.

The next thing I knew fire was shooting out of my hands and it felt so good. It felt like I was meant to control this living, breathing substance. It shot out at the wolf and people began to come out of their houses to see what was causing all the disruption.

They saw me and screamed out in terror and dashed to get water. I turned around to tell them it was alright. Then the houses caught fire, then another and another until they all were bursting with flames. The night air turned red and the fire danced mocking all the frightened people.

The fire abruptly stopped leaving me in the middle of angry people cursing and yelling. All the houses and buildings in the whole county had been destroyed. I collapsed and cried. What had I done? How had I done it!

Something furry grabbed my shirt and dragged me out of the crowd. It was the wolf, he knew it would happen. Just like Mark said something else would happen.

I let the wolf drag me wherever he wanted knowing that I didn’t have the strength to fight him off. Besides, now I had nowhere to go. People here despised me now.

Then the wolf stopped and barked, I swear the thing was motioning for me to get on its back. I climbed onto him wondering how he could stand my body weight. Then the wolf ran faster than I thought they could go.

He seemed to melt into the wind and ride it wherever he pleased. He rode it to the wood’s entrance and paused for a moment. Then he dashed into the woods.

I felt branches and moss brush up against me as we flew around trees and avoided other creatures.

Suddenly we came to an abrupt stop and I was thrown off the wolves back.

“How courteous of you.” I muttered as I hit the ground. When I hit the ground the cold attacked me and I began to have trouble breathing. The snow and the cold seemed to be going into me and absorbing all of my warmth. Even the snow’s tune wasn’t working to warm me up.

I yelled out in distress for help and was only responded with empty air. The wolf was gone. I began to feel numb and slowly forget how I had gotten there. I couldn’t feel anything, no air, no warmth. Only cold. The blistering cold. I closed my eyes and let it take me.

I woke up in a room that was full of candles. They flickered and danced like the fire I had held in my palm’s the night before.

If that had happened the night before, I had no idea how long I’d been lying in the snow. Now I was in a room that seemed oddly familiar to me, then I realized that I had seen it once when I was in a trance state.

I felt the warmth from the candles and sighed, I was sitting on a white chair that was across from the wolf. It looked at me as if to say now you’re awake.

Then it jumped off of the chair and left the room, motioning for me to follow him. He led me down a hallway that was full of candles everywhere.

“Why don’t you use light bulbs?” I asked the wolf. It simply growled, wow now I think I can talk to wolves.

The hallway seemed to get longer with every step I took. I began to hum the tune and think about the fire that had shot out of my hands. I would never do that again. Never.

It got out of control to easily, and it destroyed my whole tiny little county! The cold at least numbed you and made you forget what you were doing. The fire destroyed things.

The wolf growled and I glanced at him, he had stopped and was standing in front of a door dressed in candles.

I sighed as it opened on its own. The wolf poked my back pushing me into the room. I stepped into the room and was blinded by light.

The light filled the room and swallowed the wolf and I up in it’s warmth. I giggled and the light seemed to get larger.

It dimmed down and revealed another room that was full of large windows and candles attached to the walls.

In the center of the room was a circle of candles, inside the circle was a woman. She was wearing a plain white dress with golden sandals. If she noticed me and the wolf she didn’t show it. She kept her eyes closed and breathed smoothly.

The wolf walked forward and the woman stood up. She smiled and the candles flickered.

“Eveline, we have waited a long time for your arrival. Welcome to the realms.” She waved me over to her and I walked over hesitantly.

“Who are you…” I asked as she took my hands into hers. “I am Annaleasse, retired queen.”

“What are you talking about? We have a democracy not a monarchy.” The woman smiled and straightened her back.

“You are no longer in your dimension Eveline, you are in the realms.”

“Well explain.” I said as I pulled my hands from her and placed them on my hips.

“This shall take a long time so I suggest we find a more comfortable environment before the explaining.” I sighed then nodded. The wolf walked over to us and met the woman’s eyes.

“She shall know soon and will be very grateful for your services.” The wolf barked in response, to whatever that might mean.

The woman walked out of the candle circle and clapped her hands.

Then the room changed into a room that had large sofas and tea kettles. The candles were on the walls, still.

The carpet twinkled and the room’s air just seemed to have a fragrance of roses. I didn’t even bother to ask her how the room had transformed and instead sat down on the larger of the sofas.

The woman sat down on the one across from me and the wolf stayed standing. She smiled as she poured the tea, she handed me a cup and sipped hers slowly.

I watched her as she drank her tea one tiny sip at a time then tried mine. It tasted like a sweet combination of sugar and honey. I chugged mine and watched as the woman set hers down.

“Well I think you deserve an explanation dear girl.”

“So do I.”

“Let’s begin with where you are. There are two dimensions in the world. There is the universe you’re used to, full of technology and space ships. Then there are the realms, which is five different territories’ that contain that lands main instinct.”

“Instinct?”

“An instinct is the creature that allows the people that live here, the faire people, to use their element. The element is the thing they can control; wind, water, air, and the most dangerous fire. As long as their instinct is safe then they can use their element. Of course they need to have training to master the element.”

“So I’m a faire person?”

“I’m getting there dearie, the people that live in ‘your’ universe don’t have instincts and aren’t faire folk so they can’t control an element.”

“Who’s my instinct?”

“The wolf that brought you here. When you turn sixteen in a day was when you were supposed to learn about all of this. Due to circumstances you discovered early.”

“How am I a faire person thing?”

“That shall be explained last.”

“Why?”

“You need to know other thing’s to understand that. I was the queen of the fire territory. For hundreds of thousands of years all five places lived in peace and so did the two dimensions. However a foolish young man somehow got into the realms and began a feud with the water territory.

Needless to say they cursed the dimension he came from that in a thousand years his dimension would freeze. They told him that the cold would creep up on them and slowly take over.

I was queen at the time and overheard of the curse, so I created a way to undue the curse. A girl who would be named after the light would be born and she would save us all from that dimensions terrible fate.

For if one of the dimensions fall, all of them fall.” Annaleasse stopped talking and looked at me. My tea trembled in my hand as I said cautiously “So is there more to the prophecy thing?”

“Yes. The girl would control fire and have the instinct of a wolf.”

I gulped and looked at the wolf, then at my hands.

“Eveline Green you are the light. You have come to save us all from the cold, the dark.”

“I don’t want to ever wield fire again. It destroyed my whole county! They’re isolated from the rest of the world! They’re all going to die!” The woman shook her head sadly.

“You need to be trained, you need to learn patience and the fire will do anything you command it to. In the long run those people will be saved along with thousands.”

“Well since I don’t even know how this whole ‘saving’ thing would work I don’t know what to say.” The woman refilled her tea cup and took a long sip.

“You would need to travel through all five territories to reach the water territory. Once you arrive there you would need to duel their queen. No one is positive what must be done after that.”

I was hyperventilating. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Oh god. This sounds impossible. I don’t even know how to do any of this. I began to tremble and sobbed. The wolf, my instinct apparently came over and sat his head on my lap.

I patted him gently and could smell the woods in his fur. I wiped my tears and said softly “How do you know it’s me.”

“I can feel your spirit, your bravery, how powerful your element is. No one’s element is ever that powerful. Also you’ve always been able to hear the trees and the song of the snow.”

“The snow’s lament?”

“Exactly, it’s actually an ancient song of the fire people.” I grimaced, that would make sense.

“You would not take the journey alone, there is another in your county that also controls an element.” I glanced at her over my cup of tea. “Who?”

Annaleasse smiled and smoothed her skirt as she said “There is a boy whom can control the air, his name is Mark.” My eyes widened in disbelief as I began to shake my head.

“That’s just not possible, I mean…Mark?” Annaleasse simply nodded her head and said “He can accompany you on your journey.”

“I can’t stand that guy!” I said angrily as Annaleasse continued to sip her tea. “How can he control air?”

“His mother was a faire woman who was in love with a normal man, he was the result.”

I stared at her in disbelief. That guy was an absolute jerk, and here he was supposed to help me save thousands of people. I sighed and closed my eyes.

“Well how would I be trained?” I asked her wanting desperately to change the subject.

“Typically I was the one whom would train you, but due to the circumstances a girl named Celia is willing to travel with you and train you. She’s around your age.” I rolled my eyes “So I’m being taught by someone the same age as me?”

“She is one of the more powerful teachers that we have who aren’t busy trying to prevent the cold front in case you fail.” I stiffened, in case I fail… I was terrified of that. I’d only known about my fate of saving everyone for about a half an hour or so and already I was scared.

“Is it a long trip?”

“Indeed it is, and in three months you’ll be out of time.” The wolf cried and Annaleasse glanced at him. He was drooling and sniffing at the door.

“I believe we have a visitor. You may enter.” The door creaked open and, my current least favorite person entered the room. Mark.

He was blushing and swaying nervously, as he walked into the room. Annaleasse smiled and gestured for him to take a seat next to me.

He sat down awkwardly and said “Hey.” I crossed my arms and wouldn’t meet his eyes. Annaleasse gave him a cheesy smile and said “Eveline is just taking in a lot of new things and please ignore how rude she’s being.”

“I’m sure after all the time we’ll be spending together we’ll leave friends.”

“You wish.” I muttered as the wolf shut the door with his nose. Mark reached into his pockets and pulled out a lizard. He sat the lizard on the table and it began to crawl around and jumped into my cup of tea.

“That was mine!” I protested and Annaleasse shushed me pulling out another cup from the air, handing it to me. I sipped it silently. No one said anything for a good three minutes before Annaleasse stood up clapping her hands.

All the furniture disappeared so Mark and I fell on the floor. I stood up and crossed my arms.

“I’m sure everyone’s tired after the night’s events. So your instincts can escort you to the guest rooms.” She opened the door and I started to follow the wolf down the hall when Annaleasse called out “Oh and Eveline, dreams mean things.” I sighed, of course they did. As the wolf escorted me to a guest room.

Mark’s lizard walked him down to the room next to mine. As we went into our separate rooms Mark spoke.

“Look I have reasons for what I did at school. It’ll make sense eventually. Eveline you need to trust me so that we can save everyone.” I nodded and went into my room without saying anything else.

My head felt as if it was pounding against my skull threatening to break it. I was suffering from information over load, learning that you can shoot fire out your hands, there’s another world, and oh I’m supposed to save everyone.

With Mark. Mark, the boy whose main goal in life appeared to be; make Eveline miserable!

I looked up from my thoughts and examined the room. The walls seemed to shimmer and glow like the light from fire flies. I was enchanted by how soft the bed spread was; I rubbed the quilt on my face then noticed the wolf. I mean my instinct.

He was standing near the door watching me. I kicked off my shoes cautiously and couldn’t help but think out loud.

“So can you like talk?” The wolf licked its lips and lied down.

Telepathically. I fell off the bed in surprise. “Holy crap! You’re talking to me… in my mind!”

Yes, oh smart one. “Do you understand my thoughts? Can I talk to you that way?”

Of course I can, I’m an instinct after all? What good would an instinct be if I don’t know what I’m supposed to be an instinct for?

“Well then… Can I just talk to you that way?” Sure, I’ve heard that people find it easier to communicate that way, so it doesn’t appear that you’re talking to yourself.

I forgot about that, it would look odd if someone just began talking to themselves. Indeed, now I suggest you attempt to sleep, tomorrow is sure to be tiring.

I yawned and looked at the massive bed again, “Is there a name you like to be called by rather than ‘wolf’ or ‘instinct?’”

Orland, I was named by the elves. I sighed and got into the bed. Soon I was overcome by warmth and let sleep come. Then I dreamed.

There was water everywhere, dastardly cold water. Orland was keeping Eveline afloat by letting her hold onto him.

Then she saw Mark, he was splashing intensely, diving under then coming back up gasping for air. Eveline opened her mouth to call out to him, but a deadly gas poured out, terrorizing Orland. The wolf whimpered then began to sink.

Eveline gained control of her mouth and shouted “No!” Then she saw Mark lifelessly beginning to sink. He was looking at Eveline pleadingly desperate for her help.

She reached out for him, grasping the tips of his fingers when all the water froze. Mark gasped and whispered “This is it.”

Then the ice cracked sending Mark flying through the air. Smoke began to seep out of him as he flew and Eveline was drowned in the mysterious substance.

My instinct jumped up on the bed waking me up from the nightmare. I opened my eyes and felt sweat all around me. I held the covers up around my body for protection.

I reached out for my instinct, to make sure it really was only a nightmare.

“Will that happen?” Well if you don’t succeed there’s a strong possibility. I wiped some sweat off of my forehead and sat up. Orland sat down across from me on the bed and then licked my face.

I pushed him away then got out of the bed, the room was full of light and it hurt my eyes for a moment.

Once they adjusted I saw a pile of clothes sitting on a chair near the door.

I walked over to it and read the note attached.

Eveline,

Your current attire was not appropriate for what you’ll be required to do. Nor is it worn in the realms, I took the liberty of having these made for you.

&Annaleasse

I unfolded the clothes and examined them, there were black pants and a type of red skirt that seemed as if it was supposed to go over the pants, the shirt was a v-cut long sleeved and had a golden symbol on the front. There was a pair of black gloves that I threw on the ground, refusing to wear.

Then there was a cloak thing which looked like it didn’t belong in my time period. The shoes were golden boots, but the nice gold color, none of the tacky yucky gold.

I picked up the clothes and looked around for a place to change. There’s a bathroom behind you. “Gee thanks’.” I mumbled as I went in to change.

Comments & reviews · 5
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AllyGrLxOX
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Thank you everyone! With the length of this "Chapter" I'm not exactly sure how long the chapter will actually end up being, I was originally writing this on my computer and simply posted what I had written as one chapter!

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retrodisco666
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That's how i meant for it to come acroos. For a book i would be fine, but for a website it seems long.

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WordsInMyMind Review

Okay, this is really good Ally.

Thank god for Alissa and her two friends Rachel and Bridget. The three of us bonded instantly,

It says Alissa, Rachel, and Bridget. But then it says that the three of them are friends, including Eveline. So you need to change that to four.

And while I agree with fiction about the length of the chapter I'm going to have to say that for this website it's always better to post something a little shorter than that. People don't generaly like to read that much on a computer, despite the fact that this is a writing website. So even though I agree with fiction I think that for other chapters, which I do hope you make, are a bit shorter. If you're working on this in a Word document then it's fine but for this site you might want to shorten it up just a tad.

Other than that it's good. Can't wait to read more.

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fictionfanatic
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This description is really good Aly.

Personally, I don't agree with what Retro said about the chapter being to long. In an actual published novel it would be fine. In fact, it would be short. Keep up the good writing Aly.
-fiction

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retrodisco666
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Hello, I shall be your reviewer.

Right, i shall start with the positives.

It's amazing. I like your storyline and i think it could turn into an amazing novel. I think the description at the start is amazing and is very vivid. It is truly a very good piece, and i can't wait to read more.

Right

Then I saw the gleaming yellow eyes and heard a growl. I froze feeling his presence, the wolf was in front of me.
It snarled and barked at me showing off it’s pointed fangs. The wind blew the trees and they danced inviting me to go into my trance state. I focused on the wolf and yelled. What happened next shocked and confused me.
The next thing I knew fire was shooting out of my hands and it felt so good. It felt like I was meant to control this living, breathing substance. It shot out at the wolf and people began to come out of their houses to see what was causing all the disruption.
Personally i think the description of her using fire should be extended, as it kinda comes out of the blue and there isn't a build up to it, which it feels like there should be. Just something like she felt something going through her body, the snow sung louder that type of thing.

Also i think it is to long to be a chapter
The blistering cold. I closed my eyes and let it take me.

I think that is when the chapter should end.



Oh another good thing. I love the song idea, really good.

I hope the next chapter contains Mark's explanation.

Truly amazing though.
Can't wait to read more


~ Retro Disco666



Poetry is the art of creating imaginary gardens with real toads.
— Marianne Moore