The table that we reached was holding different sized sacks of food, some were large and others tiny. There was a tall man with a crooked nose and pointed ears running the table. He flashed a smile at us revealing his pointed teeth.
“What are you ladies after today?” Celia crossed her arms and said “We need light weight traveling food.” The man picked up a medium sized sack and then sprayed dust over the silver of an opening before handing it to Celia.
“That’ll last you a month if you ration it out well. Is this the new one you’re training Celia, because I can smell her fire it’s very strong… almost unbelievably strong.” I felt Orland tense at my side as the man inspected me. His eyes were a deep green and he suddenly looked shocked.
“It’s her…” He whispered to himself, as he opened his mouth to shout out Celia jumped at him. Standing on the table she covered his mouth and pushed her fist into his stomach. The man struggled and Celia pushed harder, I could see fire in her hands and the man stopped moving.
“If you yell out, if you gossip, if you tell anyone about her being here I will come back for you.” The man nodded his head roughly and Celia’s grip loosened.
She jumped down from the table and threw some coins into the man’s hand, before leading me away from the table.
We fled from that table and saw Mark over at another area looking at several different maps. “They can smell her.” Celia muttered worriedly. Mark’s eyes widened in alarm as he grabbed three maps and paid for them.
“Then we must leave now, the nearest forest begins somewhere in the east.” Celia nodded and began heading in that direction. I started to follow and then stopped.
“Don’t we need water? Or tents or sleeping bags?” I yelled at them. Celia looked at me as if I had just told her that it was raining milk.
“We’re carrying everything on our backs, unless you’re offering to carry a whole tent and three heavy sleeping bags for the next three months. And there’s no time it’s no longer safe here people are beginning to smell you, and store owners gossip.” Mark nodded and he continued speaking for Celia.
“Your fire draws people to you because it sends out strong vibrations through the elements. Therefore it’s pretty obvious who you are making you easier to find.”
I shuffled the dirt at my feet as I took it in, it now made sense why they were in a rush to leave. Then Celia and Mark began running towards the forest in the east.
As we ran we zipped past all sorts of people. Some had pointy ears, others had wings. Several stopped and watched us run and pointed at me whispering under their breath.
Celia’s bird followed us in the air and my wolf ran next to me. Side by side we ran threw the air, I wasn’t riding on his but it felt as if we were combined running from the same life source. I didn’t tire as we ran although Mark appeared to be out of breath.
I began to see massive pine trees lined up side by side, as the wind moved them I could the song being sung in my head. I closed my eyes and suddenly I was in the forest. The forest held a sense of protection that I hadn’t felt in the market place.
Celia motioned for Mark to lead the way and he began searching for a path that we could follow. If you wouldn’t mind I’d appreciate some time to hunt and eat.
“My instinct would like to go hunting.” I told Celia and Mark, they shrugged and Mark pulled out his lizard. “Could mine ride on your wolfs back?”
“I don’t know…” I said scowling at him. “You’d have to ask him.” Mark got on his knees and began combing through Orland’s fur. I shall carry the lizard. Mark placed his instinct upon Orland’s back and he barked, then bolted upright and dashed off into the woods.
Celia’s bird, which had been resting on her shoulder, spread out its beautiful wings then flew after Orland.
Celia looked at me and informed us that she would go out and search for some water if we could find a cave to begin training in.
“We’re not going to train tremendously hard today but there are some basic skills you need to have down.” I nodded in understanding and Celia dashed off to hunt for water.
“There should be a cave up North here.” I looked at Mark and sighed saying “Lead the way.”
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125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Okay... I'm sorry if it seems that I didn't bother to take the time and "separate my dialogue," for you see this is simply something I'm writing on my computer in word. When I post it to YWS I am simply copying and pasting my writing onto this site. My writing is seperated and has the correct paragraphs on my word document, since I'm unable to simply upload the document onto the site I don't always remember to reinsert all the paragraph spacing and such things. So I'm sorry if you find that bothersome, as for not engaging the reader into the story I apologize. Typically it probably would if my updates on the story were longer, however I got complaints about the length of my updates so I shortened them.
Well thank you for taking your time and reviewing this!
Hello there
I thought that I'd do the honours
This is all wrong and should be like this
Remember to always separate your dialogue. What one character says should not be in the same line as the other character.
I read this and I thought that you did not do much storytelling. You did not take time to engage the reader into the story. Your writing was also a bit all over the place. For the parts where you were narrating, it felt as if you were making an entry into a diary or telling a friend the events, it was at time informal.
Keep writing though, practice makes perfect.