Heard
The sun sat on the edge of the Earth, spilling it’s beauty, pouring warmness in the horizon. Feeling dampness on the grass refreshed me from a long day of work. There Anaya sat giggling and little bugs crawling through the grass squirming in fright from her big eyes watching them. Reaching for the last moment of sun, I stretched my arm high as could be touching the sun’s rays. Anaya, my little sister, had just cupped her hands to catch fireflies, but she squished them instead. Crunching, squashing and smothering the firefly, the small bug was never to be seen again.
We walked home in silence, hearing only our footsteps. Anaya looked at me questioning why we weren’t talking, with her giant round brown eyes.“Anaya?” I whispered. “Yes?” she replied. “Do you think mother is trying to tell us about how we should probably not be out at night? I asked her. “Well, I don’t really know because she hasn’t talked to me since dinner.” She told me.” “Well I don’t have a good feeling about standing here in the middle of a desert by ourselves.” Anaya thought I was crazy. Thoughts raced through my head “Should we run, should we hide? I have no clue, maybe we should just keep walking.” I thought.
The ground shook forcing me down, pulling me closer. An ear-piercing sound blasted through my eardrums making me scream in terror.
Bright lights peeked through my eyelids making me close them even tighter, but it hurt even more than my head already did. Pain jolted through my ears to my neck making it difficult to breath without hurting even worse. The soft cushion beneath me, soft and fluffy supported my frail body. I felt nothing except sharp pain flowing throughout my head putting pressure on my skull.
Something touched my side, gently tapping me. I opened my eyes seeing nothing but light, blinding as could be a shadow appeared to help me see. My sister appeared above me looking at my face. Her eyes were diamonds, shining in the light starting to cry. She hung her head like a dying flower, sitting my bed. “Smack” a bottle fell on the ground like a teardrop, shattering on the floor. The nurse sat on the other side of my sister writing out a note and showed me what had happened to me. The note said “Dear Amelia, You are at the hospital and you will be fine but your eardrums were damaged very bad you have to go to The United States to get very special hearing-aids.
Tomorrow you will be loaded on the African airlines and be exported to California.” I tried to talk but they put their hand over my mouth. My throat was swollen from the explosion.
4 days later I arrived in California and I had been put in a big huge fancy hospital for children. I was now in a room, doctors came in and looked in my ears. They waved me over to another room to measure how bad the damage was. In the afternoon they came back into my room and put these hearing-aids in my ear. They really hurt because of my surgery had been done a couple days before I came here.
Anaya and I went outside to go sit on the bench, and look at the flowers. It started to get dark so we looked for a little bit longer then went inside. The sun sat on the edge of the Earth. Spilling it’s beauty, pouring warmness into the horizon. And then I could hear again.
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138,085 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hello there!
A few nitpicks:
its*
I'd replace "warmness" with "warmth".
I'd go with something other than "dampness". Try describing the dew instead.
Unless the narrator is a telepath (which I doubt), then they can't possibly know what Anaya is thinking, only that she's giving the narrator a confused look. Reword this.
Mother is a noun. Capitalize the M.
I don't think this is the terrain you want to be going with. You just went from dewy grass to the desert? Where are you, exactly? If you want to go with the desert, then you need to write things accurately, such as the girls sweating and panting and needing water. If not, then try a new location.
You have more errors, such as missing commas, bunched paragraphs, and such. The biggest issue is your dialogue. Each time a different person speaks, you need to make a new paragraph for that. Example:
Despite the technicalities, your story needs work.
First off, what in the world happened? An earthquake? Some medical issue? Some soprano being came along and screamed into the narrator's ear? I don't understand how they lost their hearing. You need to go back and tighten that entire section up, because it made no sense at all. Even if the narrator doesn't understand what happened, it still needs to be stated.
Second, did you do your research with sending the narrator from Africa to America? And just for "hearing aids"? Are you even sure that really happens, because I don't think it does, unfortunately. Please look into that and see if you're doing that right, because I feel that you didn't do any research for that part.
Finally, what's up with the ending? If the narrator's eardrums are so badly damaged that they have to go to America to get hearing aids, how does simply going outside and looking around magically cure them? Miracles are good and all but this just seems like one of those "blind faith" moments. This doesn't happen. Make the ending make sense or lose your readers because I'm not very pleased with the ending and wish it'd turned out better. I would fix the ending if I were you.
That's really all I can think of right now. I hope something I said helped.
~Iggy
Hello!
Great job! I'm glad it's "not like the others". 
It's very unique. 
Here's what I found...
Though every once in a while you should, because it can get a little confusing. 
)
Anyway, moving on... 
I really enjoyed it! 
Great job on this, and keep writing! 
This is a very nice idea for your story!
Paragraph 2- Whenever a different character speaks, a new paragraph should begin-
"Anaya?" I whispered.
"Yes?" She replied.
(Also, you don't always have to add replied, said, or anything like that. You can just have her/him speaking. Since it's in quotation marks, your readers know what's going on.
Paragraph 2- "Thoughts raced through my head. 'Should we run, should we hide? I have no clue, maybe we should just keep walking.' I thought."
Since it's a thought, I think you should italicize it instead of putting it in quotations. Otherwise the reader might thank he is saying it aloud.
Paragraph 3- It may just be me, but I think this happens a little abruptly. Or maybe it's supposed too...
Paragraph 5 and 6- I think you can just merge these together, is all.
Paragraph 8- "And then I could hear again."
I don't think you should start a sentence with and. Maybe you could write-
"Then, I could hear again."
Or add a bit of description to go with the already lovely description you gave about the sun-
"Then, sounds slowly met my ears. First a whisper, then the sound of a keyboard clicking...I could hear again.
Other than that, this is awesome!
~Snazzy
Stay Awesome