Published June 10, 2011
There are people, child.
People who dive into things they ain't ready to dive
into just yet.
They say they
don't need no help.
They can get themselves
outta this big ol' ditch they dug.
But when you in one of them situations, child,
you must promise me
that you will always thing twice about them things you say.
Especially them things you say yes to.
One day you'll say yes,
and you got to think them things through.
Now, your daddy don't like you hangin' round people like me.
But he gotta understand.
I ain't a bad person,
or am I a stupid one.
I am a person who made some bad
and stupid choices.
That's all he gotta know.
He don't have to like me.
He don't have to come and be my friend
ask me how my day goes.
But he gotta know.
I said yes to one of them drags,
I said yes to them bottles.
I ain't gonna give you no excuses,
cuz there ain't none for what
I did.
You ain't gotta like what I done,
but you and your daddy got to understand.
I ain't bad.
I just made bad choices.
I'll explain later... Don't spam me with PM's about what happened... Just enjoy.
~Allie~
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141,399 Literary Works • 674,387 Reviews
I love this poem especially the part that says:
I can play the scene in my head and the way the character speaks reminds me of the color purple(I love that movie).
Keep writing you are doing a great job!
Interesting...perfect Ebonics.
Overall, pretty good. I really enjoy poetry that tells a story or provides some sort of emotional story that I can get into. And with the speaker of this poem, I can tell that he regrets the choices he's made, but he's making the best of it. The dialect adds a nice touch, showing that he may not be book smart, but he's definitely street smart. I really enjoyed it. Kudos.
Some suggestions:
I thought this worked better as one stanza, since it is one complete thought. Spacing them out made it too awkward. I also fixed a spelling mistake ("thing" to "think")
Again, flows better when this is all one stanza. Also, line 4, I changed "or" to "nor." Doesn't quite fit the colloquialism of the piece, but it's a grammar thing I enjoy. Feel free to ignore that and tweak that line.
Story of my life. Perfect ending.
Keep writing. You're off to a good start.
kf
One thing that I like: you're captured the dialect perfectly.