Published June 21, 2011
Tonight
I am alone
Not only am I the only one here
But I feel solitary too
Maybe it should've stopped
Maybe it should've ended
Before all this
Maybe your love was pretend
But now I'm solo
Feeling so alone
Feeling so hurt
Now I'm all broken
If I should die tonight
Would you care?
If I should forever lie tonight
Would you know I was still yours?
I step into the bath
With a bottle of pills,
Cup of water,
And a blade
Tonight
I carve 'I love you'
In my arm
As I take the whole bottle of pills
I died tonight
Feeling all alone
Once you told me, weeks ago
You didn't want me
I died tonight
Feeling so ashamed
For ever loving you
For ever wanting you
With a note beside my bloody remains
You will always know
I am always yours
Even though I died tonight
The note said
'Maybe I did die tonight
Maybe you were with her tonight
Maybe you loved her again tonight
Maybe you have once again moved on from me
My pain is ended now though
I still love you nonetheless
And the next day
The boy wrote a note
'I never loved her
I might have made love to her
But I always pictured it was you
So now
Tonight I will die too
So I can be with you
For you will never be alone again'
She bled her love for him
He bled his love for her
They shared a second note together that said
'I bled my love for you'
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140,874 Literary Works • 673,696 Reviews
I really liked the poem.It was really emotional and touching.the emotions are very well-expresed through the poem.you have a great potential.But I also agree with SubjectBlue.it would have been better if you placed it in the lyric poetry forum as it sounded more like a lyric to me too.nevertheless it was a very good try.please keep writing!
It sounded like a real tragedy, very filled with emotion and pain.
One thing though, to me it seemed (from reading) more like lyrics then poem.
Anyhow, it was very touching and impressive.
That sounded really sad and really amazing please keep wrighting.
This was really sad and deep. The two people seem to have had a very complex relationship. The main thing that I noticed was that you repeat the word 'alone' alot and it just snags the flow a little.
This verse seemed to say a lot of the same things, maybe change it around a little?
Here I think you meant 'loved her', not 'loved he'.
You used 'though' twice closely, and it just interrupted the flow a little. Myabe try a different word or something?
Overall I liked your poem, it was very entrancing and beautiful, but at the same time immensely sad. There was really a lot of feeling and emotion here. I enjoyed it!
<..> Kat