Wolves of Stone Hollow (Part One)

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Number Ten tackled her sister Eleven in an attempt to steal the newly caught prey that the hunters had brought home. Tomorrow was their big day; they would join the rest of the pack as they went out to hunt, and Ten couldn’t wait to run with her pack, so she had to practice.

Their older siblings would no longer have to argue about which of the three litters had to watch the New Arrivals, as all young pups were called until the received their names on the day of their first hunt. Zany, Kimeroo, and Quinsy usually lost the argument simply because they were the youngest besides Ten and Eleven.

Ten and her sister liked Zany best of the three older Pack Members, as those who had earned their names by surviving their first hunt were called. Ten still wondered how her stillborn brother, who would have been known as Ten if he had lived, would have done on their first hunt. Ten had been constantly needling her mother trying to get some idea of what her name would be should she survive the hunt, would it be beautiful like Aria’s, exciting like Zany’s, or bland like Rhi’s? Her mother simply wouldn’t say.

Eleven rolled over in surprise showing her soft belly and giving Ten her moment to seize the large chunk of moose that her mother had provided them. She probably thought I was one of the Pack Members! Ten thought happily as she pranced around showing off the spoils of her surprise attack, a juicy chunk of moose meat. Eleven looked at her, eyes narrowed with annoyance; Ten was older and bigger than her sister, so to her sister she was huge. If you put them next to each other there was only a slight difference, but Ten was physically stronger and better fit for hunting. “Ten, Eleven,” said _____. It was their mother, the pack’s Alpha Female, Bess.

Ten ran over, Eleven hot on her tail. “What could Mother want? The sky isn’t dark enough for the tales of our ancestors, and we already ate. “

“Girls, there is an age old tradition in our pack, in all packs, that the day before the New Arrivals’ first hunt, their mother tells them of her first hunt. So, here it is,” Their mother stopped to take a breath, and then began:

“I was called Twenty-one in my pack, the Wolves of the High Hills, because I was the twenty first liveborn pup. The morning of that day seemed too ordinary to be as special as it was for me and my brothers, Twenty and Twenty-two. Then we heard the familiar howl of ‘Pack, assemble’. My father Roger looked straight at me and gave me a look that said, ‘You are different. You, my daughter, are special’. I had seen him give that look to my older sister Harriet, and she had been gone the next morning when I awoke. I felt a shiver go though my body. Then he called out, ‘Today, there is one pup that will not be joining us on the hunt.’ Every head in the pack turned and eyes bore into me and I shrank lower watching with confusion as my father continued, ’Twenty-one, you are not to live here in this pack, your mother and I have made arrangements with the widow in a neighboring pack, she is on her deathbed. She has a son who is to replace her deceased husband. But an Alpha Male needs an Alpha Female. One of her few remaining children came to us and we agreed to send you, Twenty-one to the falling pack, unfortunately the female died and all but the new Alpha Male fled the territory. Young Moscow awaits you impatiently, Bess; place far away. You will be escorted by Lorok and Likah.’ ‘Bess’ I thought. That was my name, so I would be an Alpha, that was every wolf’s wildest dream, and I was soon to live it. Lorok and Likah stepped in beside me and we raced away into the forest. We found Moscow at the edge of the Wolves of Stone Hollow’s territory.”

“So my daughters, that isn’t a first hunt story exactly, but it is all I need to do. Go off to bed now.” Ten and Eleven raced over and slid into the burrow and down into the single chamber. There was another way but Ten usually paid it little attention. Tonight though, she placed herself where she could see it. For some reason she felt like she needed to watch that tunnel, and sure enough just moments after her mother had come in and settled down to sleep, Ten saw her father walk down the tunnel and disappear into the darkness. After a very, very long time her father came out muttering, “Alessi and Rhila.” Over and over again, then she heard, “Rhila is Eleven, a strong fast river; Ten is Alessi, an odd name; it means She-Prophet, probably just a coincidence that her eyes are the same icy blue as our pack’s first and last Prophet, and our first leader. It’s just a coincidence.” Ten fell asleep feeling very confused.

The next morning she awoke and found her mother looking at her intently. “Ten,” she said stiffly. Ten had never seen her mother look like this. “Why did you spy on your father last night?”

“Wha, what?” Ten said startled.

“You where muttering names in your sleep, ‘Alessi’ and ‘Rhila’, and things like ‘same icy blue’. The only explanation is that you spied,” Her mother looked at her sternly.

“Well mother, I had a strange feeling deep inside of me that I needed to watch that tunnel that leads where no one goes, so I did. Father went in and when he came back out, he was muttering Alessi and Rhila and then he said, ‘Rhila is Eleven Strong Fast River; Ten is Alessi, odd name, it means She-Prophet, then he said something about blue eyes.’ It confused me, and I was wondering what a Prophet is and what role do they play, I’ve never heard anyone called a Prophet before.”

“A Prophet is a wolf who speaks with the ancestors through dreams and visions, they are very rare, so rare that usually, a whole pack only has one before it falls maybe even none. Our pack already had a Prophet our first Alpha Male Feronshe. Your father and I believe there is a chance that you are a prophet, because as you already know, you father consulted the ancestors and of every name out there we got Alessi, she Prophet.”

“I see Ten is truly showing the signs of perhaps being a Prophet,” Her father entered the small chamber, “Today is your first hunt girls,” he said raising his voice to wake Eleven, “Eleven are you excited? Ten told me she was ready to hunt last night.”

“Yes father,” she spoke as she stretched, “I am ready.”

“Good,” Moscow said with a smile, “Let’s go then.”

Moscow turned and ran out of the den he let out a howl “Pack, assemble!” The pack gathered around and stared at Moscow intently. “Before we begin, I have an announcement, everyone knows my young pup Ten, well she has been showing signs of being a Prophet Wolf.” The pack was silent.

Then Rhi called out, “I thought we already had a Prophet Wolf.”

“We did, he was our first leader,” he said giving her a stern look. Rhi didn’t seem to notice because she pressed him further,

“But I thought a pack could only have one Prophet.”

Bess growled softly, “So did we.”

Realizing she had gone too far, Rhi carefully tucked her tail between her legs and was quiet. “Anyway it is about time we got on with the hunt. When we return, Ten and Eleven shall receive their True Names, if they survive,” The pack was silent; this was the most important time of a wolf’s life. “Follow,” Moscow said softy. The pack filed out into ranks, Bess at the head with Moscow, then Boreo, Aria, and Rhi. Then Reeleea, Lianna, and Lillyanne, Zany, Kimeroo, and Quinsy assumed their new spots one line ahead of the last. Finally Ten and Eleven slipped in behind their siblings. The pack set off in a wild run, racing though the trees. “Eleven, what do we do when we find the prey?”

“I don’t know, ask Zany,” Eleven answered.

“Zany, what happens when we find the prey?” Ten queried, pulling ahead so Zany could hear.

“Well, Reeleea, Lianna, and Lillyanne run ahead and block the prey’s path while Boreo, Rhi, and Aria cover the back. Mother, Father, Kimeroo, Quinsy and I surround the sides and you two run in for the first attack. We will run in after and finish it off.”

“We have to attack first?” Elevens eyes where wide with fear, “but what if it attacks us?”

“That’s why father said if you survive,” Zany said softly.

“Prey!” Moscow’s howl filled the air.

Reeleea, Lianna, and Lillyanne ran ahead and cut off the moose’s path. Rhi, Boreo, and Arian covered the back. Their parents and Zany’s litter covered the sides. Ten and Eleven raced forward their hearts pounding. Ten leapt onto the moose’s back and bit its scruff. Eleven tripped it and it tumbled to the ground. The rest of the pack raced in and killed it. They dragged the moose back to the clearing and ate what they could. They covered the rest with wet grass from the nearby pond.

“Pack, assemble.” Moscow called. “Ten, Eleven, come forth. On this day we gather to name the two young pups Ten and Eleven. They have survived the fist hunt, and deserve their names. I have consulted the ancestors, and they have told me the names. Eleven, under guidance of the ancestors I pronounce you Rhila, strong fast river. You will spend your first night out of the den tonight. Ten, under the guidance of the ancestors I pronounce you Alessi, she Prophet. You will not sleep tonight; you will travel down to the naming chamber, and find your way to the Cave of the Prophet from there.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Nephthys
Review

This is quite long, so I can't do an in-depth critique.

I really like the tone of this piece. I found it interesting (if a bit long), and I enjoyed the in depth description of the way the wolves live. The first sentence was great, because right away I wanted to know why they were named Ten and Eleven.

However, I think that you introduce too many characters all at once. Rather than naming all of the older siblings at once, call them "the older siblings" as a group, and introduce them more slowly.

I wanted to see a more vivid description of setting. I have no idea where the story takes place. What country? What time of year?

Also, I noticed that there are a lot of punctuation errors in this. I don't have time to correct them all, but I noticed that you like to use commas instead of periods, and you often have run-on paragraphs. Try having a teacher proof read it for you.

There are a few small suggestions I have:

In the first sentence, the phrase "newly caught" is VERY awkward. I would cut that out.

The mother's story does not completely make sense. Try to explain it a little better, or break up the speech with comments from the kids or descriptions.

You should never describe anyone's eyes as "icy blue". That phrase is VERY over used. Even if your character has eyes that are the exact shade of blue that could be called icy, you should find another thing that is the same colour, and use that word instead (Cornflower Blue for example).

Also, I think things happen too quickly in the second part of the story. Ten's parents mention one minute that she shows signs of being a prophet, and the next minute they're sure and she's off to the cave? Try to slow down a bit.

This "white storm" thing sounds like it's getting perilously close to being extremely cliche, so watch out for that.

Overall, I think this story has a lot of potential!

User avatar
Allessandre Comment

This is my third time writing this, so its better than the original.



I write because I don't know what I think until I read what I say.
— Flannery O'Connor