Three starry cats gathered around a small pond
"Reedstar, are you sure this is wise, choosing a cat to know the prophesy?" asked a light brown she-cat.
"Webstar, he must know, he's the only hope for the Clans!" Reedstar answered gravely.
"Enough with this, why young Sandpaw, he's but an apprentice?" The dark brown tom stared gently at Reedstar.
"Bushstar, you have too much faith in Treeflower, she'd do anything to avert the prophesy and you know it!" Reedstar hissed softly.
"Alright, Reedstar, I hope Sandpaw is as trustworthy as you believe.
*
Sandpaw stretched, once again, Treeflower, his mentor as medicine cat, had gotten angry because he hadn't come to her soon enough to help with the elders aches. Slipping into dreams, he found himself by a silver pool, Three star-pelted cats stood across from him.
"Sandpaw, there is a new dawn of the Clans coming, Treeflower mustn't know about this, she'd do anything to stop the prophecy from fulfilling itself." the dark brown tom stepped forward as he spoke.
"What Bushstar means is that, there is a new prophesy," the gray tom's eyes went glassy, "From Silver Light and Gray Dark; will come a black flame; that may never leave the clans."
"A prophesy, but, Silvermist is expecting kits, Graycloud's kits..." it all came crashing down on him.
"One of her kits will live forever?"
"Not exactly, heer life will never stop encountering tragedies, she will never be at peace. Thats all I can tell you."
Sandpaw watched as the dream faded and he fell to the blackness of sleep.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,804 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Oooh, this is a neat start. We have what seems like a pretty intriguing conversation there. I certainly think it does a decent job of being more than interesting enough to get the attention of us readers here. You've done a pretty decent job of hinting enough at the promise of something vague yet intriguing without going too deep into infodumping.
Hmm...well threats of death and destruction are always quite fun to see in a story at the start. A little bit cliche especially when prophecies are involved in said death and destruction but certainly quite fun nonetheless. I think this is the start of something that could be quite intriguing here.
Well that was a pretty intriguing note to end on there. I think you did a pretty solid job of hinting at some very interesting things and although it doesn't feel nearly as unique as it should at the moment, there does seem to be some pretty good potential here for things to come. Overall, I'd say this is a decently solid piece here...I do find myself wanting to find out more.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Hi Aless, thought I'd help you out.
In the first sentence, you forgot to put in an end mark.
Then in the last sentence before the main text you missed
the closing quotation marks.
The ; after "Gray Dark" really isn't needed. Where it says "the dark brown tom"
you have a new sentence. Also, near the end of the prologue you misspelled "her."
Heres the link to chptr 1
topic63884.html
OH, duh.
Arent I smart?
i like is simlpy cause i love the warriors but starclan never explanes prophecies directly