Published November 3, 2008
Hey guys, this is my first posted work. I look forward to sharing my work with you all, and reading your own.
"Of Lead"
I found only lead
raw and clandestine as the planted seed
through the hands attempting to perceive
that lead is all I’ve got
a cloud of proposed answers
for the arbitrary wonder
from this fine lead and its daunting potential
to the tree shaken free from leaves
to ask for control is to ask too much
look deep and penetrate the bare earth
find the control to stay in touch
release the Secret and hold the line
and it started with the crack of a pencil
shattered under the weight it bore
looking past the shield and into the world
can one perceive only that which they are told?
Write without weight
Dream without material
Touch the intangible
Disintegrate
to float through the looking glass
and enter the world
flawlessly interrogating the sun
I tried to face the paper with loaded lead
to write without the fear of breaking
and now I’m down on my hands
looking for my head
searching for room to expand
but finding only lead
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141,460 Literary Works • 674,479 Reviews
The clandestine as the planted seed made me start to think, that means that its the start of something good.
a cloud of proposed answers made me really wonder :}
These two stanzas were my favorites. Good work on your poem.
Wow. I really liked this too, even though I had to read it again to grasp it. My only critique is I think it would benefit from some more punctuation. It makes the flow better and easily distracted readers (like me) will focus on your words and less on that nagging feeling that a period or comma needs to be there.
Aside from that, great job! Keep writing!
yes, yes, i daresay i very much enjoyed this piece. It somehow took me until the second read-through to understand the meaning, but its very evident now. You have several lines that remind me of the great dylan, which i adored becuase it works very well in such a casual piece of writing. Very good language. It shows that you dont only have lead but talent too my friend. But really i enjoyed how you maintained the reference of the pencil as lead throughout the entirety. The stanza i enjoyed the most was
Write without weight
Dream without material
Touch the intangible
Disintegrate
I can truly identify the struggle of material that you present here in these majestic phrases. Well done, and i shall look for more pieces from you.
I am assuming that you are talking of writer, the lead references seem to point in that direction.
Please tell me if I'm right.
Your language is incendiary and honest. the rhythms are phenomenal and the subject matter admirable. There is not much left to say other than keep it up, keep it right up.
Pigs that ran strait away into the water, triumph of