Warning: This work has been rated 16+.
The streets erupt in blossoms, bright and bold,
Chasing away winter's grip, harsh and cold.
But deep thoughts are fading, lost in the gray,
Where your smile doesn't reach to chase them away.
Peaceful faces lost in quiet contemplation,
The world keeps turning, a waiting narration.
The heavens wait, breathless for a word you'll impart,
A silent symphony with a yearning heart.
Dreams, once vivid, lie scattered by your door,
Seeking something more, they can't stay here anymore.
But adrift in an ocean of longing so deep,
All I can think of is how your day did keep.
Did laughter touch your lips, or did shadows creep in?
Did joy light your eyes, or did loneliness begin?
These questions pierce me, a constant, sharp sting,
A love unspoken, a silent, fluttering thing.
The world may bloom, the stars may yearn above,
But for me, only you can ease this burning love.
Through the endless tapestry of time, my thoughts find their way,
Forever seeking comfort in your light, day by day.
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,840 Reviews
Hey friend! My name is Ellie and I am here with a review for the lovely poem of yours! I hope you are having a wonderful day. Let's not waste any time, and let's jump right into the review:
First of all, you did a fantastic job with the rhyme scheme in this poem. Your rhymes made it feel very elegant and easy to follow along with. It made me eager to see what was going to happen next, and how you could possibly rhyme some of these longer words.
I liked this part, were you talk about dreams that have been abandoned. I think of a messy bedroom with things all over the floor, like how in this poem, you describe dreams being scattered by a door. I really like that example because it lets me clearly picture it in my head. It's true, sometimes we abandon our dreams, and eventually they just get left behind us, and we forget about them, or treat them like they aren't as important as they used to be. I also loved how you use this ocean example, and described the longing as being deep. We often think of the ocean is this endlessly deep body of water, so seeing you connect that to a longing feeling was lovely.
This really is a love poem. It wasn't super obvious to me throughout the entire thing, but stands like this make it very clear. I love how you connect your love to the stars and the sky, and also things on earth that bloom. It seems like you seek this person constantly throughout all time. I hope that someday they can see this poem because it's very beautiful! Overall, I think you did a lovely job at capturing the feeling of love and desire for someone to love you too. You did this very beautifully with a lot of different metaphors relating to nature and space and time. Fantastic work and keep on writing!
Your friend,
Ellie
Your poetry beautifully captures the wistful longing and ache of missing someone dearly. The imagery of blossoms erupting on the streets, symbolizing renewal and warmth, juxtaposed with the narrator's internal grayness and longing for the presence of the person they miss, creates a poignant contrast.
The lines about peaceful faces lost in contemplation and the world turning as if waiting for a word from the person being missed convey a sense of time standing still in the absence of that connection. The imagery of dreams scattered by the door speaks to the feeling of searching for something that's no longer attainable.
The questions about whether laughter touched the lips or shadows crept in, whether joy lit the eyes or loneliness began, encapsulate the uncertainty and yearning for understanding that often accompanies longing for someone who is not present. The repetition of "a love unspoken, a silent, fluttering thing" adds to the emotional depth and resonance of the piece.
The final stanza beautifully expresses the enduring nature of love and longing, emphasizing how the presence of the person being missed is essential to finding comfort and solace in the world. The imagery of seeking comfort in their light day by day encapsulates the ongoing nature of longing and the hope for eventual reunion or resolution.
Overall, your poetry captures the universal experience of longing for someone deeply and the yearning for their presence to bring solace and comfort in a world that can feel cold and empty without them.
Hi, the poem you wrote is quite lovely.
It describes about how passionate and affectionate two lovers are for their love towards each other.
"Dreams, once vivid, lie scattered by your door,
Seeking something more, they can't stay here anymore.
But adrift in an ocean of longing so deep,
All I can think of is how your day did keep."
Wow, these lines only a true lover can write. The above lines literally describe that their love is really as deep as ocean and as vast as the universe.
"The world may bloom, the stars may yearn above,
But for me, only you can ease this burning love.
Through the endless tapestry of time, my thoughts find their way,
Forever seeking comfort in your light, day by day."
Amazing, I love the above lines, you really told each and every emotion you feel when you are in love.
You have done an awesome work, this poem maybe be short, but it has a very deep meaning. Every line in this poem describes different aspects of love.
Nice work, keep it up.
Waiting for more poems.
Thank You.
Thank you for your comment
It was my pleasure.