Snoink - You know, I never would have thought to edit that way, but it's a really handy tip. Thank you.
AllHopeEclipsed555 wrote:Pervert the sewer’s angels
Flying with clipped wings
I really like the idea behind this line, although I'm not sure I understand the bit about the sewer. I think that you're starting to get some thing good here - I didn't like the first stanza at all - but then you move on and abandon it. Since you said the last line is the one the poem revolves around, you might choose not to expand on this section here, but it is rather nice and I think it would work well with a little polishing.
Also, I don't feel that the title of the poem fits with the poem itself. It's like false advertising.
This poem kind-of reminds me of Neil Gaiman's book, Neverwhere. (That's a good thing, by the way.) It might be something worth reading, both because it's good, and because I think it deals with something similar to this poem. (Or, the feel of it is the same ... I can't quite put my finger on it.)
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