Prologue
In one moment
everything changes,
we're taken away,
put somewhere cruel
and miserable.
They beat us,
if we cry we die,
work makes us free,
we watch them all
get taken away from us.
Left equals life,
right equals death,
many sent to life,
more sent to death.
woman and children.
We're seen as fit
we get to live,
we have to work,
or our life is taken,
we clear them out.
The victims of cruelty,
beaten by other inmates,
forced to give up our life,
forced to give them our clothes,
nothing else is ours.
We're the victims of distress.
I was taken away, taken to a place where nobody wanted to live, it was horrible. The second I got to this place, I was taken from my family, a female allowed to live unlike everyone else, what did they see in me that they didn't see in the other women. Before they were taken away they pleaded for me to help, I had to stay strong, no matter how much I wanted to save my own family from death I was being selfish so I had so save myself from death more than I cared about them.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,798 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Okayy..so this is an interesting little prologue. It seems we're starting off with what looks to be a bit of a poem there followed there by that one tiny paragraph which seems to detail sort of the inciting incident that ends up getting the main premise of this story actually underway. Its a very interesting structure here for a prologue, one that I haven't seen too many times before.
Starting off with this poem itself, I think you've done a wonderful job there. Its got a very nice sense of impending doom almost with the verses there and it sets the atmosphere wonderfully for the things to follow there. This goes very nicely with the paragraph to follow.
The end there certainly manages to seal this a properly awesome package here. Those few thoughts tie this whole thing nicely together and for a prologue that is as short as this one is, it manages to really bring across a lovely sense of excitement and mystery and there is certainly more than enough in this piece that you found yourself wanting to read on more as a reader.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I tend not to critique poetry as I'm less than a dab hand at it, but I do love the amount of historical references built into it. It's haunting. Moving quickly onto the prose....
", what did they see in me that they didn't see in the other women."
Can probably be in its own sentence, and finished with a question mark
"Before they were taken away they pleaded for me to help"
I understand the potency of ambiguity in this prologue, but I don't think the "they" is the same "they as the previous sentence. You may need to clarify.
"so I had so save"
to*
I think the last sentence is a little run-on. If you broke it down into shorter sentences it seems like less of a gush and more of the abbrasive staccato of remembered trauma. I think that's what you're going for.
Short and sweet, I hope that was helpful.