Young Writers Society

Somehow this poem gives me a nice, memorable feeling. Which is warm and cute. I like memories, and I like the way you describe one in this piece. I can vividly imagine where the narrator is, what he/she/you see.

There's nothing else I can say, really. You've perceived everything beautifully. One thing I would like to say, though, is that if I wrote this, I wouldn't repeat the word 'trees' twice, especially in the same stanza. But, nobody seems to notice that and think it's a flaw, so it's up to you. Personally, I think another word would suit the second 'tree' word. Perhaps branches? Or other synonyms.

That's all~

Happy Writing~!

AliceAfternoon,

Wow. Just wow. This is a great poem. I love your techniques to paint a picture in my head of what you were seeing. It was great. My only suggestion is that you divide this poem into a few stanzas. I would suggest that you divide it at every "I want to remember..." That's literally my only suggestion. This was a really great poem and it was beautifully written.

Absolutely beautiful Alice. One of your best yet.

Very beautiful and picturesque. I think it perfectly captures a lazy summer night. The imagery is breathtaking. I know I love seeing the silhouettes of trees on a dusk/dawn sky, and you very clearly captured that.

I want to remember the way the moon
reflects in the ripples of the water.
the way the trees create shadows in the sky