A broken heart,
in an almost fixed life.
A thousand reasons to cry,
not a single tear shed.
A giver and a lover,
for all her life.
Bound to help others,
before herself,
if she thinks of herself at all.
She sits alone,
she doesn't cry.
She sits alone,
wishing she were there.
Where there is she doesn't care,
as long as she wasn't here.
Her life is a desert,
devoid of emotion and empty.
She hides who she truly is,
letting nobody in.
Fear is her live,
she fears for others.
But never herself.
Yet of all of this,
all she sees,
is the selfish girl she's grown to be.
She says they're better off without her,
but refuses to let them go.
They could survive without her,
probably thrive.
But she would crash,
she would burn.
Although they're not the best,
they're all she's got.
This is a prose/poem, whichever it is.
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140,907 Literary Works • 673,717 Reviews
What an interasting poem. I like this allot. Some ryming.
And I noticed if you look at this poem really hard and really read it through. You can find the message.
Good job. I agree with everyone about those errors (no point on repeating them)lol.
-- M.B.Author
Hey Auth! First, this is a poem, not prose. Prose is like a book.
For me, the main problem with this was that I've heard it before. Not exactly the same, but I've read countless poems with a very similar theme. If you can take an old theme, and spice it up, make it your own, that's wonderful. I don't think that's what happened here, though. See what you can do to add your own, personal twist, maybe?
Another thing that I think might improve this is if you regulated your stanzas. See if you can use the same rhythm for each one. It could make it easier to read and nicer to look at.
I don't understand this stanza.
Sorry about the harsh critique! I think with a little editing you could have a fine poem. Don't give up, and keep writing!
I have to disagree with Azure in one of her quotes.
Instead of nobody, I think no one would sound better. That's just my opinion.
I loved this poem. It was beautiful. I think I see it that way because I feel like I can relate to it, and that's something you want in a poem/prose. Great work.
Hello there! I saw you say that you posted your work and so I went to have a look
I noticed these errors:
This part got me confused, what do you mean when you say "where there is?"
I think that it would be more appropriate to change in to know so that it would come out as "She hides who she truly is, letting nobody know"
live should be life
I think that it would sound better if you will change the second line, or maybe just omit the "she would" part.
About the overall.. it was good but I don't know if it's only me but it didn't really strike me.. it kind of lacked the intense emotion that should be present in a prose like that. But it's still good! I hope that my suggestions will help!