This story is based off of the song Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol. I placed some of the lyrics in the story and they should be in italics if it worked properly. Anyways these are three completely different storries I was inspired to wright because of the song and I hope whoever reads this gets something out of it too.
“I hate you!” Enmity coming up my throat¸ burns like flaming oil. “I hate you!” I scream again. I swing my fists against his chest, wrapped in camouflage as the rest of his body. I don’t mean what I say. It’s simply easier to say I excreted the man ripping my heart out than to tell him I love him even after he’s gone. Heavy and towering, he stands against the door, an impassive expression painted upon his face. “Just go.” I leave my tone calm, but at the same time, strong; rage boils through my bloodstream. Without argument, he makes way out the door as I slam it shut behind him. Sliding against the closed door and onto the cold floor, I am now left alone to drown in my own pain. As I pull my knees up to my chest, the inside of my stomach turns out. I can feel every drop of blood in my system rushing to my heart and the urge to cry perking up inside my eyes, but I can’t. I don’t’ have the strength to cry. Instead I sit inside the darkness of the empty house, cradling my body as I wish everything (including myself) would vanish from this earth.
As is slide my eyes shut, I remember the days and nights we spent together before he was drafted; when the sunset was aglow inside our skins and the wind played with our smiles. Barefooted, we danced in the forbidden grass. I am scared. How am I supposed to live with myself once he’s gone? “I’ll be home in eighteen months,” he had told me, but that was a lie. I risk the chance of losing my husband forever. Except now, I realize, no matter what I decide to do, that factor will never change. Picking myself up off the floor, I reclaim my keys and leave with my 1995 industrious truck, my strawberry blond hair untamed and feet naked. Once I fall into place inside the vehicle, instantly I know where I’m going.
At 4:13 am, the parking lot is abandoned; a broad Blockbuster building lies lonely ahead. Leaving my truck, I stride onto the black-top and find a place to lie. Allowing my lungs a chance to breathe, a tear journeys down my cheek as the warm air blankets my chilled body. A touch brushes along my face so lightly I don’t believe it to be palpable, but as I turn to look over my shoulder, I find him there. It isn’t irony; this is the place where we first met. He slides into the space beside me, his dark skin clashing with my white. His wild brown eyes meet mine and I can no longer breathe. In the next moment, his lips are intertwining with mine. The warmth fallows through before my body goes numb, trembling like a child hiding beneath its covers. “I love you,” he whispers into my ear. Those three words are said too much. They’re not enough.
Peeling away the ends of my white spaghetti strap, he presses his lips against my bare stomach, carrying an angel from the Heavens. “I’ll be back on her first birthday,” he tells me. Suddenly, I feel as the wind has been knocked out of me. I close my eyes, not willing to watch as my husband walks away. He kissed me for the last time, his lips soft moisture against my head. When I release my blindness, he is already gone, leaving me alone with only the obnoxious cars and glistering stars for company.
* * *Those three words are said too much. They’re not enough* * *
The room was overtaken by silence; all except for the beep….beep….beeping of your heart being monitored. White wash walls compelled the minimum spaced room, cramped with your electrical bed and machinery that was keeping you alive. I held your hand tightly inside mine while you slept. I forced my eyelids wide opened. Sleep hadn’t even been a thought in the past seventy-two hours. I couldn’t risk falling asleep only to wake up and find you gone. I couldn’t face wasting another second without you while you still carried you breaths. After spending twenty-tow yeas of my life with you, I still longed for more.
You were there for me when my own mother wasn’t. You changed my dippers at age three and a half, chaperoned my mall trips, talked to my first boyfriend, and threatened to kill him when he broke my heart. My lips pressed against your bald head; tears struck across my heated cheeks as strands of my tattered brown hair stuck up in every possible way. Feeling my touch, you awoke, revealing those irresistible childlike blue eyes. “Baby girl, what are you still doing here?” you asked, your shaggy voice weakened, sending bullet holes through my chest.
I swallowed the resistance of falling apart once more. “The rest of the family is outside waiting for you,” I told you instead, wearing a fake smile.
I will never forget the light in your eyes when you heard those words. “Well, what are they waiting outside for? Let them in.”
Coming through the door three at time, your family filled up the rest of the room. Two of your eldest sons, three daughter in-laws, four sisters, Aunt Clarissa, and a gazillion of your grandchildren surrounded your bed with hugs and kisses to share. We all wanted to cry, but seeing your crooked smile and hearing your barbarous laugh, made it impossible. Stories were shared and hearts were exchanged, but as the day faded, everyone went home for the night, leaving me alone with you again. We kept the silence as I listened to your breathing for what I knew would be the last time. Once I thought for sure you were asleep, I buried my head into your chest and broke down again.
My body shaking, I was sure any second now I would no longer be able to hear your heartbeat until you spoke, “If I lie here…. If I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?” Squeezing out the rest of my tears, I curled up next to you as you wrapped your wired arms around my small limp body. I was ten years old again, lying in the warmth of my daddy’s arms.
* * *If I lie here… If I just lie here, will you lie with me and just forget the world* * *[/i
]Fog inhales the morning air, calm and non-reluctant. As the trees bury the sun’s rays, darkness takes its advantage. A single set of tracks are seen to be dead, overruled by the newly made earth. Although worn and no longer in use, each track hides away the spirit of the train, engine roaring to the sky, bells chiming high. Death haunts its year once too many times.
He comes, carrying weights of guilt over his beat shoulders. She stands with nothing to give him, but those last lines. Her dark golden hair fallows through the shadows, the completion of her face finding the moonlight. Seeing her identity, makes a child out of him as chills crawled up beneath his skin. She takes one step near him, her heart throwing a tantrum against her chest. Approaching releases agony, proves hatred, and recognizes love. Words are forbidden as breaths are stolen, but conflict battles between their eyes.
He backs down, surrendering all. As he breaks the silence, his tone barely heard. [i]“I need your grace to remind me to find my own.” She stands firm, but what comes across her isn’t love or sympathy, but the one thing we strive to do throughout our entire life: forgiveness. It is in our human nature to lie, cheat, and abuse, but it is also in us to forgive the undeserving. “I don’t think I can live without you.” The truth reflects as a smile, nobody has seen in three weeks, curves the edges of her jaw.
And she replies, “Don’t worry; ‘cause neither can I.”
Her words paints pictures along his face as tears welt down his cheeks, soon followed by hers. Pulling her into him, he steals her every breath as if it were his own. “I love you,” he whispers. She replies the same, pushing her head up beneath his. Weakness prevails, now she is the child, squirming in the warmth of his arms.
He strides over to the tracks to lay by its side. She rests her body along the other side, their arms stretching out just enough for them to overlap. The trees overhead drawl out a pattern for them to read as the wind blows through their skin. And he tells her “Let’s waste time chasing cars around our heads.” As light seeps in, the sun pushes away the fog and darkness. Catching the spotlight, the tracks are heard, roaring at the sky.
* * *All that I am, all that I ever was, is here in your perfect eyes I just couldn’t see. If I lie here…If I just lie here, would you lie with me and just forget the world? Forget what we’re told before we get too old. Show me a garden that’s bursting into life. Let’s waste time, chasing cars around our heads. * * * - Chasing Cars- Snow Patrol
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125,022 Literary Works • 672,757 Reviews
To answer everyones questions all the stories are different with different characters. The only simulartity they have is their meaning twords the song. I was told that I should put som of the lyrics in between each story and that would help divide them, but obivousely not. Any other sugestions without seriousely intervering with the story????
Yo, Alfredo. Cool name
Pink here, to review.
Alright, your first opening paragraph rhymes a bit in some places and it was almost like it song. Well, to me anyway. It was like a theatrical play. Instead of someone calling out "STELLA" it was like, "I HATE YOU!" Funny but awesome and I have no idea why I thought of that. Just something that popped into my head.
twenty-two years? Typo I'm guessing, one that's not easily caught by spellcheck.
I can understand that her husband has a duty, that he has to leave but I thought the part where they left each other in the parking lot was bit hasty and fast. Like, he said a couple words and she doesn't see him for another whatever months until she has her child which I didn't even see or hear about afterward. I mean, you have beautifully written words and an amazing story line and plot but you failed to clarify the transitions between one event in her life to the next. For example, while she was laying there in the hospital bed next to her father, I was sure she had just had her baby but you didn't mention one thing about it. Then suddenly I thought she was dying of a major illness while waiting for him to come in and lay next to her or something. Confusing.
So, what you really need to work on is how to blend these events together without confusing people on what's going on. Where is she, how much time has passed, why is she doing what she's doing. Although, I must say this was very nicely written and you do have talent. I think a good solid polishing session can do this piece wonders.
Keep writing,
-Shear
These stories are so touching. I could not have written them any better. I really think you have a lot of potential as a writer because your word choice is fresh and unique. Maybe you should think about writing a novel??? Idk... Anyway, keep up the good work. I don't really have any criticisms
That was a great story. There wasn't really any errors except for a few things that I pointed out. The diversity of words was great and it left I never felt like I don't want to read this anymore. The only questions I have are
Are the first and third stories the same?
I understand how it goes from the first part to the second part, But I was a little lost by the third part.
Other than that it was an amazing story and you are an amazing writer!
-lilgreendots
This story was so a touching, I could feel it manipulating its way into my heart. But I still am left wondering:
1. Is this entire thing one story? Or is this a compilation of different stories?
2. In the first bit, does he ever come back? Is that the ending?
3. In the second, is this still the same character? If so, please clarify. The writing and dialogue in this bit really tore me up. Such good writing, I almost started crying. Good job.
Keep up with the writing and I hope my advice bears sound results.