the enticing glimpse of you
is only an ephemeral pleasure,
you're the new shining thing-
a random pretty boy I'll obsess over
for the hours to follow, hopelessly,
I know better than to indulge;
but desperate to be numb no more
my heart gives in to the idea of;
loving a fleeting stranger once again,
like it did back in my teenage days
I won't make promises I don't intend to keep;
you're just an eye candy & that you shall remain
the first boy I ever loved- you naturally are not;
neither the longest, nor the one who's here to stay;
even after you, I shall love guys just the same
after today, we wouldn't ever really get to meet;
and so, in the very little time that I have with you,
I shall cherish your fair looks, dear latest infatuation;
letting my eyes paint your features a million times over,
a memoir to remind me that you once existed
the first look of you struck like lightning,
your striking jacket- white as the snow outside;
and a height just right to make you desirable,
you appear a prince lost in the land of snow;
a handsome face, no doubt, made by the gods,
you came dressed as the perfect distraction,
the dark hair of yours resembles stormy waves;
in which, my composure is certain to capsize
your neck smooth except for the tempting bulge;
yet it's your irresistible charm that draws me in
I'm traveling; so are you, as it happens to seem;
but with a guy who compromises my view of you,
thanks to your impatience though, I don't endure long;
as you soon switch seats with him, out of boredom
some of my friends are with me too, but barely so;
all of them have turned invisible- I see nothing but you
from the very moment you walked in the same coach
least to say, I'd much prefer your company to theirs;
for much better is the sight of you I can't ever tire of,
I've got them for life, but not much time with you
you stand, all of a sudden, to walk towards me
I clench my thumping heart quiet in my tense fist;
as your firm back brushes past my neglected arm,
I can sense it get difficult to breathe, momentarily;
you left the scene unaffected, while I'm still shaking
when I see your way and you're already looking;
I turn red from the embarrassment of being caught;
hoping you'll think of it no more than a coincidence
your gaze is cold as ice but it burns something in me;
once been touched by it, I'm not the same ever again
now I'm questioning possibilities I earlier dismissed
but I know this is no more than a far fetched fantasy;
deep down, I'd never wish upon you- this cruel fate,
you're clueless to the truth & I hope it stays that way;
I can't bear hatred in the eyes of the guy I treasure so
you threaten to shatter the peace I've built for years
I know that you shall never return my affections;
but only if you knew of what I truly feel towards you,
I wonder how you'd react- would you be more careful?
or play me like all the heartbreakers are known to?
an unseen delay when fog surrounds our destination,
everyone else is dismayed; but I'm not one to complain,
whatever keeps me longer in your presence, I embrace;
I would even seize time, if nature were on pen's whim
out of the blue, I fail to spot you and begin to break;
apparently you changed your seat back to rest awhile
unable to see you, heart aches from the void that's left;
the corridors inside it where your footsteps used to be
alas, our ride halts and I realise the hourglass is up
what I wished to stall forever has turned to reality;
the Sun of home is rather harsh on my freezing skin,
but the sting can't compare to the pain of your loss
no words exchanged; I don't even know your name,
yet the passing looks between us caused earthquakes
delusions & unreciprocated love is all we ever were
finding you unexpectedly, I struggle to catch up;
walking alongside knowing it's the end, ultimately,
we part; and as always, with the Sun, the snow melts
Hey, Alex!
Oh my god, reading it honestly, really resurfaced emotions I had before on a crush but I think I interpret your work differently than you would. The first few verses to me felt like the character was convincing themself that the feelings that they have for their crush is mere infatuation.
I see it especially in the lines that follow:
"the enticing glimpse of you
is only an ephemeral pleasure,"
"you're just an eye candy & that you shall remain
the first boy I ever loved- you naturally are not;"
For me, I think I can see it like how a creature can't be without their food or entertainment, especially us since we're social beings. But omg, the moment where the character talks about not seeing him in the spot where they were and having that heartache only makes it so, on my previous statement, that they're convincing themself that it's just infatuation, that it's gonna go away, but the lines:
"out of the blue, I fail to spot you and begin to break;
apparently you changed your seat back to rest awhile
unable to see you, heart aches from the void that's left;"
Make me think otherwise.
Nevertheless, I love your work! It really just gave me nostalgia of having crushes omg, I rarely have the time for that now T~T
Lots of love! <3
Thanks for such a sweet review, vanillavelvet!
You don't know how much this means to me. I believe you've interpreted it in the exact I was hoping a reader would. I'm glad you could relate to it. Thanks for taking out the time to read this, I really appreciate it!
Hello there, Alex! Mangled Soul here with a review.This poem honestly feels like one of those moments you never planned for but it just… happens. Like you see someone once, for a few hours maybe, and boom your brain won’t shut up. Nothing serious, nothing real, but it still hits hard for no reason. Very relatable, not gonna lie.
What I like is how self-aware the writing is. The speaker knows this is just a crush, just eye candy, just a passing thing but feelings don’t really listen, do they? That inner fight between logic and emotion feels very real, very human.
The details are simple but effective. The train setting, the snow, the jacket, the accidental touch ,small things, but they stay with you. It feels like watching someone replay a memory again and again in their head, even though it never turned into anything.
The language isn’t fancy or overdone, and that’s what makes it work. It sounds like thoughts, not a performance. The ending is especially sad in a quiet way like no names, no words exchanged, just separation and life moving on.
Overall, this piece captures fleeting attraction and unspoken longing really well. It’s soft, bittersweet, and kind of hurts in a way that feels familiar. Definitely one of those poems you think about after finishing.
Ahhhhhh thanks for this, MangledSoul! Your review style is so good, I love the way you weave words so beautifully. I'm glad you could relate to this, thanks for giving this a read. You caughr on a lot of the things I was hinting at. You just get it. Thanks for making my day a whole lot better.
The pleasure's all mine...
Hi Alex, I wanted to take a look at your poem and so here I am :3
Hm here’s how my process went: from the first 4 lines: school crush? Then celebrity crush (kinda thought of K-Pop stars idk)
“a random pretty boy I'll obsess
for the hours to follow, hopelessly,“
And then confused intrigue because it’s neither!
And I do like where this is going. This random attachment one gets with total strangers that the brain decides “we like the looks of this one”. I like how you express that!
I feel like something’s wrong with the grammar here: “etting my eyes paint your features million times over,” shouldn’t it be “a million times”?
I love that line: “a memoir to remind me that you once existed”
“I've got them for life, but time with you isn't much“ I rly like this explanation. Yes, my friends will be there tmr but YOU probably wont! Nice
I’m also not sure if “much” is the correct word here tho. Idk I’m not a native. *runs*
Aww “or play me like the all the heartbreaks are known to?” ☹
I wonder if this is the time to do a real life “call me maybe”
Hey, I just saw you and this is crazy but here’s my [preferred online platform] so write me maybe?
Interesting perspective. I can’t quite relate but always nice to learn something new :3
Thanks for another helpful review, Tikaya! Onto the things you said-
He was actually a train crush lol! Similiar to the famed concept of airport crushes?
And I wish it was just about their looks, wouldn't that be easier to leave behind. My mind picks up the way the carry themselves and any behaviour suggestive of interest to feed my imagination.
The grammer bit indeed sounds correct, such a small detail to observe! And I agree, much felt wierd to me as well as I was writing. 'long' sounds better, don't you think? Man, I'm no native myself so my confidence wavers.
Haha that sounds like what an ordinary person would do, but a brooding poet such as myself does nothing but stare and admire.
I think I covered about everything. Thank you for the compliments as well <3
Also, there are a lot of reasons for why a 'call me maybe' moment was shrugged aside here. But it's a little all too serious so read at your own will and interest-
I don't know if you're aware of the fact or not so let me just spill. I'm actually gay. If you didn't know before, now you did. I live in a rather conservative place where the society is yet to accept us openly. I'm currently in the closet, for the same reason. This story took place just a fortnight before so there's that. Straight guys make the worst allies here. I did not want to oust myself to my friends if the 'said' guy made a reaction/scene. Plus it's extremely rare to find queer people in the physical world so there were minimal chances he'd even be into guys. At least my gaydar gave a pretty clear no. Even after all this, what's to say he'd like ME just because (hypothetical) he's attracted to guys? At this stage of my life, I don't even look any decent. So really, all this was a losing game from the get go
Spoiler