Storm, against all odds you won
You’re the nightmare that I lived through
What different could I have done
To not get pale the closer you grew
Let’s go back to the exam day
When in the car, relaxed I lay
Answering phone calls from teachers
Who I thought didn’t know my name
We reached the place & I could feel
Something amiss, the storm that came
Mom stood in the heat to give me shade
As I left, her face in my head wouldn’t fade
Gone are the chilled rooms, behold broken benches
Comically, my bottle opens & the floor drenches
All strategies fail within half an hour
Time kept slipping, beyond my power
Right then and there, I knew I couldn’t win
But if I failed, how’d I face my kin?
While I fought, a million thoughts raced
Sidelining friends: if it’ll be worth it or a waste
How all my dreams are shattering to dust
But for the sake of my loved ones, I try- I must
I do what I can knowing it won’t be enough
Unaware I was too close to calling the exam’s bluff
Everyone around me was too composed
My mind was in utter chaos, as opposed
Finally the clock’s almost done, over’s the tycoon
Of depressive fatigue, I quit a minute too soon
As the bell rings, the crowd walks out
All that surrounds me is fear & doubt
As a boy who’d needlessly wail
How could I face a mother who didn’t fail?
But her ungrateful son who did
Despite my reluctance, in the crowd I slid
Heart screamed to turn back and run
Feet didn’t obey, facing what couldn’t be undone
Eyes searched for mom, just to get it over with
But how do I muster up the courage to break her myth
She found me & her eyebrows raised
I shook my head sideways, still dazed
After it, she didn’t utter a word
Clearing the way for me in the herd
Walking, not knowing, where to go- felt hell
After what felt decades, tears fell
I wonder when mum saw them last
“Wanna get something to eat?”, she asked
She insisted when I said no, but then dropped it
All my after exam plans went down the pit
Fast forward, we’re at home, me in her lap
Thinking how to start again from scraps
And even if next year will be worth this
Will another attempt really lead to bliss?
Mom & Dad comfort me but I hear nothing
Except mum’s phone that starts buzzing
It’s the teachers, trying to consult too
The entire room breathes anew
I get up, with effort much
In the fingers that tremble, the pen I clutch
Takes me all night to figure where I stand
Nothing really went as planned
Throat’s still closing up, though its next day
Hands just can’t keep still, come whatever may
The damp eyes know no rest
A strange fatigue within, lost all zest
Light burns skin, water stabs as ice
To what sin do I owe this price?
Day blends into night, this into next
When the noise echoes around
The mirror, doesn’t as much vex
The perpetual silence stays
But the nerve calms down
Bonfire’s out, remains the haze
Each morsel that I bite
Doesn’t seem like poison anymore
Getting out of bed takes lesser might
Now that storm’s gone, closer’s the shore
None of it has gotten any easy
But the world moves on
Heart's hopeful, though head’s dizzy
Packing my things at dawn
A change of place might do some good
I’ve got plans to follow through
Can’t dwell any longer on what would
I’ve got to make the visits due
Wish to leave this melancholy behind
To some peace and joy find
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139,241 Literary Works • 672,522 Reviews
Hello, My Friend!
Hiya, Alex! I spotted this poem in the Green Room and thought I'd give it a quick review. Hope you don't mind!
Oh wow, this poem was so interesting! At first glance, at least from what I could interpret, you think it's just talking about the stress that comes with being a student. But then you really think about what's being said here, and you start to get a feel for just how deep this stress runs, with the weight of expectations from parents, from teachers, even society at large to succeed at all costs. And there's this fear of disappointing your peers, that you're wasting their efforts if you fail. Overarchingly, it comes across as a relatable situation in so many ways, I really liked exploring all the layers here.
*ahem* As far as a more technical review goes, I don't have much to say! It's a well-written poem, and the rhyme scheme, though a bit chaotic at points (swapping from AABBCC and so forth to more of an ABABCC sort of setup depending on the verse), did work nicely. The main thing I wanted to bring up—bearing in mind that this is PURELY my opinion—were just a couple of moments here and there where I thought the wording felt just a little iffy, like here:
It felt like here, rhyming and metric might have been prioritized over general wording and tidiness, and the lines wound up sounding a teeny bit odd toward the end. The first one I think would sound better even just reversing "relaxed" and "I" (relaxed I lay), and as for "I try must," that's a bit trickier...But an em dash makes a good cheat! Something like, "For the sake of my loved ones, I try—I must".
But of course, bear in mind that this is purely my own opinion and I am not a pro in any sort of writing, much less poetry lol. Take only what you want from that analysis, and consider the rest just the mad rambling of an internet corvid!
As for favorite lines and parts, ooo...I would have to go with:
I love the metaphor of the storm in this poem! It feels like the perfect way to embody that mix of emotions you go through here; that strange mix of stress, fear, hope, a touch of excitement and a LOT of anxiety as you hope you'll be able to pass and make your peers proud.
Likewise, I LOVE that line, "Mom stood in the heat to give me shade." This literally reminded me of my mom camping out in sweltering California sun, when I was little, to ensure I got into a decent school. And there's something about that very idea, knowing that your parents have worked hard to be able to give you this opportunity, that is both incredibly touching and inherently adds onto that pressure to succeed.
I feel like this part spoke to the social isolation that some students put themselves through, when they're overcome by that pressure. Sidelining friends, losing touch with your social life, and losing track of what you enjoy outside of school. Very interesting!
I like this moment as it feels like, as it says, "moving on." It shows that the stress, the pressure, that "storm" doesn't last forever, even if things don't turn out the way you hoped they would. And indeed, over time, these things don't become easier (quite the opposite most of the time), but you do learn to go with the motions, cope, and strike a balance.
What a fantastic ending! I loved this idea of a change of scenery, taking a break, leaving that stress behind to find some peace and joy. God knows we could use more moments like that in our lives!
Overall, this was a super cool poem! Nicely done!
"They who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night."
"Words have no power to impress the mind without the exquisite horror of their reality.”
"I would define, in brief, the poetry of words as the rhythmical creation of Beauty."
Hi, Raven. Omg you're a lifesaver! Those lines you pointed out have been bugging me since I wrote them but I didn't want to compromise the rhyme scheme I built in the rest of the poem. Your suggestions are so perfect, I'm definitely using them! Thankyou so much for your help. I'm glad you could relate with the bit about your mother's role too. I really appreciate you leaving such a detailed and thoughtful review!
Of course, no problem! It's a great poem!
Hey there!
I was intrigued by the title, them read that this was about exams. The emotion you put into this is so real, there are uncountable people who will relate to this. I myself understand that fear of disappointing people who put their trust into your capabilities to make them proud.
There is nothing in your poem that a person cannot understand. There is no mask on the depth of the poem either, which is nice because it openly speaks the heart out.
And the end is just as true, A change of place is always good. I'm glad I could read this poem.
Hope to read more from you!
Hello, thank you so much for giving this a read! Appreciate the review, as well