• Home

Young Writers Society

To Hera, From a Fellow Sufferer

by AlexNoelle

This is written by my sister! Not me!!! I just wanted an opportunity for her work to be seen as well. It's really good, please leave reviews for her.



T o   H e r a. F r o m   A   F e l l o w   S u f f e r e r 


Hera, darling, did you know at first?

Could you tell how the future would be?

Did your goddesse's mind and your women's heart

tell you what you couldn't see?


When it first began, did you pretend not to see?

Did you act like you didn't know?

You stayed with him, loved him,

protected his name, as if he were pure as snow.


Did you laugh when he joked, smile when he spoke,

and blush when he touched your face.

Did your heart yearn as it broke, but still fill for him 

with love you could never erase?


And when you snapped it was finally time 

for him to face what he'd done

But then... to your shock, he shrugged it all off 

and said, "You knew you weren't the only one."


Your tears ran gold, and your heart poured out,

as you felt as though you couldn't go on.

But you picked yourself up, and you took it in hand

and the battles lines were drawn.


You gave him a line, you gave him choices,

You laid down his future route.

and he swore up and down he'd be faithful to you,

and he thanked you for calling him out.


But then... as you knew it would, it started again.

He left you for weeks at a time.

And when he came home, in his beautiful hair,

were other scents softly entwined.


You simply could not pretend this time 

and you told him right out that you knew.

and he promised again, and again, 

and again, that he always would love only you.


Tears were falling again, but your voice remained strong

and you told him to "just keep right on"

Instead, you would punish anyone that he loved,

and the offspring of each liaison.


You kept your word the best that you could,

and your name became one to be feared.

Hera the great, the avenger, the strong,

one to be greatly revered.


Hey, Darling, do you know how I know?

Do you wonder I I see your mind?

Oh, Darling though this may surprise you to hear...

Zeus is not one of a kind.



E. T. 4/10/18

Thank you all for reading!

Is this a review?



User avatar
33 Reviews

Points: 38
Reviews: 33

Sat Apr 14, 2018 6:55 pm
AnimalQueen wrote a review...

AnimalQueen here! First off, I'd just like to say your sister is amazing at poetry and she could definitely build a career off it. I love her use of words, and this poem is lyrical and beautiful.

Danni88 already caught all the mistakes that I can see, so I don't have any critiques for you. Your sister's poem is full of emotion and completely captures what heartbreak is like, and a human's desire for revenge.

I don't know who Hera is, but I don't really care. Again, your sister is a very gifted poet.

User avatar
104 Reviews

Points: 4417
Reviews: 104

Sat Apr 14, 2018 1:01 pm
Danni88 wrote a review...

Hey AnneTaylor! Danni here for a review!

OK, grammar:

Did your goddesse's mind and your women's heart

should actually be
Did your goddess's mind and your woman's heart
as in your version you used the plural form of both 'goddess' and 'woman'.

Do you wonder I I see your mind?

Simple typo.

Do you wonder how I see your mind?

Overall, THIS. IS. EPIC. It's so true, Hera did start off nice before she became spiteful and started killing all her stepkids. I love Greek mythology so much so this is especially special for me!

Keep up the good work, and tell your sister it was a great poem!


User avatar
10 Reviews

Points: 224
Reviews: 10

Thu Apr 12, 2018 9:51 pm
camusic says...

Loved this!! so fun to read!!

User avatar
52 Reviews

Points: 1689
Reviews: 52

Thu Apr 12, 2018 12:58 pm
LeutnantSchweinehund wrote a review...

Now, now, that's quite nice. Better than most amateur works I get to read.

I enjoyed her use of a stricter meter, something that many, many many many amateur writers completely drop from their work. Same with rhyme. The rhyme scheme is simple, looks like an A,B,C,B sort of deal. But it work. Rhyming anything at all is good, since it doesn't even come off as forced.

Saying that, however, the meter isn't perfect. There are times when the flow of her work really suffers, particularly in cases when she makes a line too many syllables long. Keep it at, say, eight syllables per line, get an iambic tetrameter going. That's a good one.

Other than that, the story it tells is actually quite alright. Better use of imagery than most amateur poets. Much better, actually. Most people just outright tell a generally boring story through their lens. She could've ranted on about her relationship issues, but instead, she put them in parallel to the same issues someone else faces. That's good!

So that'd be that. Fine work. Just have her work a bit on more consistent meter to improve the work's flow.

User avatar
104 Reviews

Points: 4417
Reviews: 104

Thu Apr 12, 2018 6:32 am
Danni88 says...


User avatar
212 Reviews

Points: 575
Reviews: 212

Wed Apr 11, 2018 1:57 pm
EverLight wrote a review...

Note: I am going to write this as though I was talking to you not your sister because I am used to that and will do my best review is that alright?)
Please feel free to ignore my advice, it is not meant to offend you or hurt you, or make your story seem bad or demean it. That said . . .
1. What I liked
You are right this is good. I enjoyed it you did well. I loved how you describe all the Gods.
2. Flow and Style
This flowed amazingly well. But I think a few words might be changed

And when you snapped it was finally time

Snapped, that seems a little odd. It fits fine but doesn't deliver enough emotion or impact.

Your tears ran gold, and your heart poured out,
I think that and should be removed it sounds better without it. It would read

Your tears ran gold, your heart poured out
See the difference?
as you felt as though you couldn't go on.

Once again try removing that as so it woud read

Your tears ran gold, your heart poured out
you felt as though you couldn't go on.

Finally you had double Is a the last line when you say how I see your mind?
I hope this helps

3. Overall and encouragment
Great job! I loved this. Only one question who is that fellow sufferer? Tell your sister to keep up the great work!

User avatar
806 Reviews

Points: 1883
Reviews: 806

Wed Apr 11, 2018 12:04 pm
Aley wrote a review...

Hey AnneTaylor's sister!

I think you have the poem pretty spot on when it comes to a discussion with someone. There is this thing in poetry that asks whether poems should be imagined as announced to a world or passive audience or spoken softly to just one person, and I personally like the one person approach, seems you do too. The speaker/audience is well done here.

I think you could get a little more emotion out of the content by being more in the moment, if that makes sense. For instance, this is all past tense, it could be present. That would make it more like this poem is a whisper on her shoulder rather than speaking to her and give room for the audience.

The other thing is maybe check your words a little closer. Is saying "cry" the only way you can explain that? My rule of thumb is you don't need to use the same word more than once in any poem unless it is closed class like "the" etc. If you are forced into changing words then usually there will be synonyms which are better than what your original word was due to connotations such as the difference between cry and sob.

Thats about all i have. Nice job on pov and consider changing tense and change your words potentially.

User avatar
25 Reviews

Points: 139
Reviews: 25

Wed Apr 11, 2018 4:41 am
AlexNoelle says...

@flumadiddle @DemonGoddess @MJTucker @Radrook @saentiel @Danni88 @KatieC @TheBlueCat @Lake @RavenLord @Falconergal9086 @WhosabellCanWrite @KatjaDawn @Silvernote54 @rosette @Iamawriter @Trashcan @Capa002 @LKSpinoza @Saruka @SpaceSnickerdoodle @wordwing @emolemon

Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen.
— Homer Simpson