Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
I quickly hid deep within the forest and crawled behind the bushes trying not to make any noise, but leafs ruffled as I weaseled. Sticks tweaked and dirt mushed under my palms when I moved breathless and scared like never before. The screams dimmed into the night; my throaty breathing was the only sound I could hear.
Out of nowhere, I heard something behind me hissing like a snake; no, a far more terrifying sound that chilled my very bones. My heart thudded rapidly against my chest. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and turned around in the ground slowly, now bracing for my fate.
This makes for a fairly decent start to a prologue. You're clearly focusing on establishing the atmosphere at the start along with the system and I think that is going along rather nicely here with what you've got. The only issue that I could maybe see was the description happened in some pretty short sentences there, so you might want to look into perhaps making it longer. Cause at the moment, it conveys a frantic which I think you're shooting for, but when you want to establish a bit of fear and really show this picture in a reader's mind, you've got mix in some longer and slower paced sentences to really let things sink in.
I gazed at his tall burly figure in the night; it was a growing shadow in front of me. His pitch black eyes penetrated into mine like an endless chasm of fury. The blood on his white shirt shined with the moon’s beam; it looked like a scarlet flower on a piano’s ivory. His beauty mesmerized me; he could be the embodiment of beauty. What frightened me most was that I knew he was only a wolf in sheep’s clothing. As beautiful as he was, as deadly he could be.
In a flash of a second his hand blurred and extended towards me; hesitantly, I placed my tiny trembling hand into his. I cried and shivered. He pulled me close into his arms and hushed me.
Now there's a sudden sharp contrast here...in this particular description it delves into a realm thats slightly too poetic to convey this current sense of haunting fear here...which is the opposite of the issue that we had in the very first paragraph. It still conveys a startling sense of fear and you get some nice chills down your spine especially in the latter paragraph, but you need to try and tone down the description a teensy bit for this part, or it just doesn't quite convey the feeling that it needs to.
I shut my eyes trying to wake up from this beautiful and horrible nightmare. One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three Mississippi…I reopened them, he was still there caressing my brown messy hair.
I didn’t know what to do or what to believe; now afraid, for my nightmares had finally come true. I was going to die...
Hmm, well the ending notes are quite nicely done though, I like that quite a bit..I think you manage to nail the fair quite well there and it makes for a lovely cliffhanger. The only issue I have judging from that is...well, whether this really needs to be a prologue, this sounds more like a first chapter where this next part, will continue from where this ended and that's not really what a prologue is meant to be...so uhh, you may want to rethink that one somewhat.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
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