The child’s dopey, wide eyes followed the floating body as it glided languidly over the starry waters. The long, green tendrils beneath the water swayed and reached towards its feet and head, brushing against it curiously. The child dropped to its knees, the neon blue sigil on his forehead glowing brightly as he scooted towards the lake. Almost seeming as though they were under the boy’s influence, the aquatic plants stretched out towards him longingly. They curled around his fingertips, thumping their tails playfully on his small hands. The boy rose to his feet and walked beside the lake until he caught up with the floating body.
It was a human. He could tell by the color of its skin and its features. It seemed to be falling in and out of consciousness. The human’s pupils rolled around frantically underneath its eyelids. Its black hair hung lifelessly from its head like a tilted halo. The boy motioned with his right hand and the plants extended towards the body, pushing it over towards the verge of the lake. He leaned over the human, studying its cracked, crimson red lips and its bony, angled face. It seemed to be a younger human boy, judging by its energies and its outward appearance. The kaleidoscopic, patterned flowers behind the boy twisted and danced in excitement as he cupped his light blue hands around his face. A whispery, faint breath whooshed from the human’s lungs as the light from the boy’s sigil flooded the area.
A gasp sounded from the human as his eyes flew open. As the light began to fade, his body stopped shaking and became limp as a dead fish. The human’s eyes were dark and empty as an open grave. They began to water in awe and relief at the sight of the boy. The child’s eyes drew him in like quicksand. His eyes were so unnaturally big and dreamy, almost like saucers. He had two small horns which protruded from the black, slick hair surrounding his head. It was like nothing he had ever seen before. The human watched in wonder as the symbol on the boy’s forehead lit up a bright blue. It was a circle with various intricate lines and patterns inside of it.
The green plants untangled themselves from the alien’s hands and attached to the human’s back, easing him into an upright position onto the lake’s shore. The human’s body slumped over and fell into the boy’s. His lips began to quiver as the alien’s arms wrapped around his frail body. As the plants retreated back into the water, the alien child released his embrace. The human drew back a bit, opening his eyes to stare back into two unloved, abandoned vacuums of space. His heart dropped down to his gut as he gaped at the mirror image of himself. His eyes were seemingly the most intimidating thing about him.
They seemed so vacant and soulless, sunken in their sockets and lined with dark shadows. Dried blood coated his lips and trailed down to his throat and collarbone. His once curly and bouncy hair lay slicked back to the nape of his neck. It was freakishly unnatural to be so close to what seemed to be his body and yet not recognize it at all. Suddenly, his mirror image leaned forward and slammed his body into the water, his hands clenching around his skinny neck. The mirror image’s face warped into an overjoyed snarl as his victim’s lungs seared with pain. The water blindsided his vision and rushed eagerly down his throat, flooding his airways and stomach. He bucked and thrashed desperately under his grip to no avail. The last thing he saw was his own eyes melting into the pitch black blanket of unconsciousness which overtook his mind.
This time it was not a beautiful, otherworldly being which brought him back into wakefulness. It was his own breath which rose and fell in short, shaky gasps. There was nothing divine or pretty to see anymore. It was nothing but black. He could not tell if he was trapped in his own mind or his vision had been lost. He usually wasn’t scared of the dark, but this time he was. Anything could happen and it would be completely unexpected. It was not only scary monsters that lurked in the shadows, but unfamiliar worlds and ethereal lifeforms. Even he was his own enemy.
It was apparent that he was lying down but he could not sense anything besides that. It was neither hot nor cold, but absolutely nothing at all. Maybe I’m dreaming, he thought. Yet, it seemed too realistic for something as mere as a dream. Sure, his dreams were quite vivid and bursting in radiant colors but this was different. I should have woken up by now. Goosebumps ran down his entire body as a mass of air slapped him across the face and curled itself down to his toes. His body tensed in irritation and fear as he anticipated another round.
What seemed like a few minutes passed, and then a few more. Nothing remained consistent in this strange space save for the bleak thumps of his heart and low inhales of his breath. A distant memory tugged anxiously at his consciousness, and yet he could not seem to get a grasp of it. It was like one of those words that lay on the edge of your tongue and yet you could not remember it. He jumped to his feet in frustration and paced back and forth like a madman. He tried to vocalize his thoughts aloud and yet nothing but a strained rasp escaped from his throat.
This is it. I’m either stuck here or dead. He rubbed the soles of his fingers against his inner left hand, stroking it back and forth. It was always a comfort thing to him, and it usually eased his anxiety. Although it did soothe the rigid grip of dread in his guts, it was a miniscule reasurrence compared to the looming thought of the monsters which lie hidden in the dark. Maybe I am dead, or in a coma. Yet it seems so real, maybe nothing is real at all. I am not real. A bleary cloud crept over his brain, obscuring his pestering thoughts. His surroundings suddenly became unimportant.
It almost seemed as though his vision had bounced forward. The blackness around his figure became blurry and unfocused, no longer a part of his background. It were as though he was confined in a bubble, separate from his body and excluded from the place he was in. This time the chilling touch brushed down his neck, yet this time it was more gentle and inquisitive. It seemed foreign and strange on his skin, but at least he was not scared like before. This disconnection from existence comforted him, and made him care less about what happened.
He watched apathetically as a tall figure manifested before him. It had two, slanted white eyes and a spiral which spun slowly on its forehead. It did not have skin, as its body was fluid and seemed to be made out of energy. The colors of its body ranged from light purples, to blues and shades of red and black. It looked as though it were made of stardust, like someone had carved its body out of the cosmos. It had a relatively human head, except that its forehead branched off into a vivacious blue flame. The being seemed friendly enough. It acted as if it was expecting him to show up.
The being raised its palm in the air, level to the human’s chest. Tendrils of green and blue energies swirled out from its hand, wrapping themselves around the human’s arms, legs, and shoulders. A pang of nervousness poked at his heart, though it dwindled away into the crevices of his mind. At this point he did not care what happened to him. Although his body and mind were one in the same, at this moment in time they did not work together. His mind was trapped in his body. Surely all of this was fake, and if everything was fake, than he was too.
Sometimes he had prayed and begged to wake up from nightmares, only to wake up again in another dream. When he finally did wake up, the dream almost seemed more real than reality. It made him question if the dreamworld was just as authentic as the real one. He had often met beings like these, malicious or good. At least there was a life more interesting and full of adventure when he lay his head to sleep rather than the one he had when he was conscious.
He couldn’t imagine a life without dreams. It may seem kind of sad but it was the only escape he had. There was no need to worry about your problems when you weren’t conscious. Even when people were conscious in Sognore, they used other ways to zone out. Drugs thrived there and for an obvious reason. Even those who resisted trying them did at some point. Sognore was so god awful and boring people had nothing to do but get high or drink.
He had been so wrapped up in his thoughts that he did not realize their surroundings were shifting. It were as though they were moving in place. The darkness shot forward as if it were being sucked into a vacuum. Once the pressure around them subsided, he noticed that they were now standing in Sognore. It looked no different here than what it did when he was awake. It had the same old worn down Mobil gas station on the corner and the small, white Christian church which only was a mile away. They were standing on rusted train tracks which had been abandoned long ago.
It looked as though someone may have tried ripping them from the ground but gave up and left them mangled and grimy. They hung off the edge of a short hill and stopped at its summit. Why had he been brought here of all places? The point of his dreams were to temporarily forget about Sognore, not be reminded of it. He turned his head slightly and side eyed the wispy being which lurked a distance aways from him. He could imagine what the thing was thinking right now. Silly human. He doesn’t know why I brought him here! He let out a whoosh of air as all of his pent up frustration and suppressed anxiety rushed out of his lungs.
It seemed no different than the real one. If it even was real, he mused bitterly. There was nothing special about the location they were at either. He looked up to the rising sun which broke out from the edge of Sognore and cast the land in an explosion of blurred cherry reds and honeyed yellows. Since it was about to be morning, that meant he would wake up soon. He rose his calloused, long hand up to the sky and inspected it in the light. Even his dream body mirrored his real one perfectly.
His eyes bulged freakishly in surprise as the being gripped his shoulder with its blue, flaming hand. His surroundings melted into each other and seemed to be running ahead of them at warp speed, mutating into blobs and streaks of multiple colors. Despite the strange occurrence happening around him, his body was completely unaffected. He wrapped his arms around himself, looking down at his feet so he wouldn’t become caught up in the mess of it all. Everytime he had gotten in trouble as a kid or wanted to avoid someone or something, he had always seemed to curl up in on himself. It was always easier to comfort himself when he didn’t have to face it head on.
He stumbled forward as the grasp on his shoulder released, banging his head into a hard, metal surface. He winced and held his hand up to his forehead, blinking a few times before his sight refocused. Before him was one of the lockers from his school. Its silver, scratched plate read in small letters: 236B. That must have meant they were on the south side of the school where the exits were. His locker was nowhere near here. He turned around to face the being but he was met with nothing but air.
“Why here?” he said under his breath. Maybe it wanted to show him something or try to hint him towards something that was important. He apprehensively walked down the halls, stopping at moments to peek into the vacant classrooms. It felt so unnatural to be here when it was completely empty. There was nothing that stood out to him here. It was probably best to get out of there before any other entity approached him. If anything, the thing that brought him here could still be watching him somehow.
He slumped down on the floor, leaning against the white wall, digging his fingers through his curls as he placed his head on his knees. He began a chant in both his mind and out loud, demanding to wake up. As they fused into unison, light began to seep into the corners of his vision and washed over his sight in a placid white light.
End of chapter
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Hi Shikora here with a review.

What I like
This was a great start to a story. It got me hooked right away. I really like the name choice, I wonder if it will mean anything later? When I read a book I always want to first chapter to just make me want to keep reading and that is what you have done right here.
The plot
Now I can't really say anything about the plot right now because I don't no much about it, but what I can say is that I can see this had been well thought out, and your keeping your readers guessing.
The characters
I don't no much about the main character yet so I'm going to give you some words of advice. When writing your story you must remember that you being the writer have already formed that connection with your characters all ready, so you don't really think about the connection you need the reader to form with the characters. So what your writing you must remember to go into the main characters thoughts a lot. I no it is going to be hard because i'm busy with doing that sort of stuff to.
I can see that this story is of to a great start. I'm looking forward to seeing what will happen next. Never stop writing and keep up the good work. I hope you have a great day/night. Oh could you tag me when the next chapter is out?
Happy review day.
Your friend
Shikora.
Thank you Shikora! ^^ I accidentally had the title of this chapter as one instead of two so it probably was a bit confusing lol and I'll make sure to tag you in the next chapter
I look forward to it!
Hey Aleta! Happy RevMo! Hope you don't mind if I drop by your work today!
So as for as opening line go, this one doesn't really grab me? I mean, it poses questions here- why is there a child out at night? Why is there a body in the water (a lake? a river?)? But I think that this could have opened into the scene with a smoother transition into the start of your story.
If it's seaweed, I would have added that in somewhere. I mean, you can keep the description of them though, but I think the clarification would have worked better. And then? This makes it sounds like the reader has already seen "The long, green tendrils" rather than "Long, green tendrils beneath the water swayed and reached". Does that make sense? (This also could apply to the beginning sentence as well)
You used "its" for the child's pronoun to begin with but then you used "his" right after. A child isn't at "it"? I would switch that first one out for "his knees". (and then uh, "the neon blue sigil" again makes it sound like we already know what it is rather than "a neon blue sigil")
Their tails? Plants don't...really have tails?
Saying the body is human definitely raises questions about what other kinds of species there are, and if the body wasn't human, what it could have been mistaken for.
Again, you use "its" for the body and? a human still isn't an "it". I would use "they/them" since they're unidentified, but I suppose that depends on how your narrating it. I still wouldn't use "it".
I also am picturing that the body is bare but? I'll throw that in just in case. Are they wearing clothes? Are they naked? (the body not the boy but I guess you could take it either way lol)
If he's floating in water at night, wouldn't he be cold? Human lips are normally crimson red unless you're wearing lipstick. And if he's cold, they should be blue/purpleish?
The transition is a little awkward here between the boy's eyes being devoid of emotion to suddenly watering with awe and relief.
I think you had a? point of view change that was kinda jarring there? After the boy opens his eyes/wakes up/etc, it seems like we're suddenly in his point of view now and there was no transition, it was just a sudden change and I was stumbling over some of the sentences because I thought we were still with the sigil-boy.
OH THERE IS AN ALIEN I knew it. I mean, I didn't know the sigil-boy was an alien, but I was pretty sure there was going to be aliens.
Is this implying the alien looks like a clone of him or his eyes are big and dark enough that the boy can see himself in them?
I think you could also tone down on the varying descriptions of the alien's eyes because it's starting to become repetitive and toe the line into purple prose.
Why would the alien save him and then try to kill him immediately afterwards?
How is it apparent that he's laying down?
I would italicise his thoughts to, well, clarify they're his thoughts.
Same thing for here, as I am assuming this is another thought and not just a random tense change.
I thought he had no surroundings because everything was dark?
After the galaxy-being shows up, the story starts to spiral into how the narrator perceives dreams? Or, well, whatever it is that he is doing, it ends up dragging on and it takes away from the narration.
Why is Sognore so awful? What is Sognore? Is it a place? A town? A city? A planet? What makes it a bad place to be? Are there no jobs? No activities? These is just a simple here's this information without explaining why. Explain how it's awful, rather than simply telling "oh yeah it's bad."
How can he see the church a mile away? Also there is...no clear description of their surroundings. Show us the immediate surroundings, not those miles away from the narrator.
Okay I'm going to be honest here- you lost me pretty early on. You've relying too much on purple prose, there's too much pretty words and too little actual story. I don't know what's going on at all, there's no introduction to the protagonist, nothing really makes sense?? The atmosphere was neat, I loved the airy, strange, and eerie feeling, the surrealism of it, but without a story backing it, I can't stick with it because there's nothing connecting me to the plot. Remember, your readers don't know everything you do about your story, we only know as much as you tell us.
I'm also not too happy about the large chunks of text. There's no room for breaking and it feels almost weary to read because there's no pauses in the narration. Not only are the paragraphs all rather long, but you seem to spiral away from the actual storyline with descriptions, infodumping, or random thought trains (I mentioned one but I noticed several). It just gets tiring to read in clumps like that, at least for me.
Again, I still like the idea of this story. Aliens? Dreams? Reality-bending? Sign me up! I'd love to see you expanding on this concept, I just wish it was more...comprehensible, you know?
Still, I hope to see you continue writing! I can't wait to see what comes from you next
I hope you're having a wonderful time!
I can%u2019t really talk about the town again because I went into great detail about it in the first chapter so if I did it again it would be repetitive thanks for the detailed review though
Also accidentally wrote it as ch 1 whoops