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The Green Room

by Aleleekhall


The waiting room of truth

Where one can always be seen

The luck of the time decides

If yours shall live or die.

The cover and outside

Is all that will be received

Hoping yours will be seen

When the one above succeeds

Trying to write further

But always failing to continue

For The Green Room is where those shall stay

When words have been forgotton 


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51 Reviews


Points: 161
Reviews: 51

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Fri Oct 27, 2017 11:04 am
Ishan212 wrote a review...



Hi Aleleekhall
I am Ishan and I am here to review your work work/Aleleekhall/The-Green-Room-137865?c=632988#c632988. So here we go.

Your poem was about a topic we had to write on sometime or the other. I I I mean The Green Room had to be written about. And you chose it as your topic for your first work for Young Writers. That's really admirable.
Your poem talked about what every author or poet on the Young Writers Society wishes before posting his or her work. He or she wishes that the work they just posted, would funfbits way to the Lterary Spotlight and will be seen on the cover page.
I hope yours too, will become the Literary Spotlight.
I am too posting something called Online in a few minutes,if you are wishing to review it.
Thanks
Welcome to the Young Writers Society.
A fantastic poem on a very good and genuine topic.
Keep Writing!!!
Ishan




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364 Reviews


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Thu Oct 26, 2017 7:10 pm
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zaminami wrote a review...



Hello Alekeekhall! Welcome to YWS! Kara here for a (hopefully) quick review!

Give me your soul.

With that aside, I'm not the best at poetry but here we go!

Bold = grammar and flow issues.
Italics = suggestions and overall
Strikethrough = remove
Underline = krazy Kara komments.

Spoiler! :
The waiting room of truth

Where one can always be seen

The luck of the time decides

If your{'}s shall live or die.

{Add a -- here to separate stanzas}

The cover and outside

Is all that will be received

Hoping yours will be seen

When the one above succeeds{.}

{--}

Trying to write further

But always failing to continue

For The Green Room is where those shall stay

When words have been {forgotten}


This is a beautiful poem and it's very, very true :wink: however, there are a few grammatical and flow errors but I fixed those :D Also, to trick people on Safari, maybe change the title to "Green Room" to make people think that your poem is actually the Green Room :wink: funny pranks lol keep up the great work.

Why haven’t you given me your soul yet? --

Kara

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206 Reviews


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Reviews: 206

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Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:09 pm
DeerInBacPac wrote a review...



Hello, E.E here for a possibly quick review and maybe some utter nonsense! Grim is here as well, drinking hot cocoa and being a slacker. *Grim looks over, glaring* So, lets get started. :smt020

So, a bunch of places are in need of commas, periods, exclamation points and things alike. That is, if you want to use them! If it is your style you don't have to use them but I will tell you where things are needed. "The luck of the time decides", "The cover and outside", "Trying to write further" and "For The Green Room is where those shall stay" all need to join the good'ol Comma Club. (The comma club is what I say when lines/stanzas need commas.) The places that would need periods if commas were included would be "Is all that will be received", "When the one above succeeds", "But always failing to continue" and "When words have been forgotton". Also "forgotton" was spelled wrong. It should be spelled forgotten.

Now is when I dissect your poem and see if I can't get its meaning right! So, in your poem you are telling us, the reader, that the Green Room is a good thing and a bad thing. It allows new members to get there work seen but then again, it might not. The older members are known for things, their style and funny little quirks that they add to their writing. The younger ones will just get buried and won't be noticed unless the tag someone.

Overall I liked the poem and keep up the good work! Happy Halloween! I really need to go now Grim has souls to reap and he needs more cocoa. He has a problem, seriously. Cheerio and fruit loops to you!




Aleleekhall says...


Thanks for the review, I am definitely going to review my grammar. I wasn't sure if poems should still have commas at the end of the lines when I was writing this.



DeerInBacPac says...


It depends on your style. I prefer to add commas and things alike.



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1080 Reviews


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Thu Oct 26, 2017 11:29 am
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Mea says...



Well this is relatable. :P If it makes you feel better, it's been a while since the Green Room has been this full. Last month it pretty much never had more than 10 works in it, and there wouldn't be any works in there for longer than a few days. It's also been as high as 200+ works in the past, with some going back 3 months, although that hasn't happened in the last year or two.

But no matter what, everyone eventually gets those two reviews! In fact, this weekend we're having a Review Day, where one of our goals is to clear the Green Room! (I know that link is from July, but it's the same every month.) So you'll be sure to get some reviews then!





"Do not try to be pretty. You weren't meant to be pretty; you were meant to burn down the earth and graffiti the sky. Don't let anyone ever simplify you to just 'pretty'"
— Suzanne Rivard