E - Everyone

Tales of Aleron: lone against the world

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"If you decide to fight me now, know that the whole world shall be your enemy."

"I will fight you", Aleron answered without fear. Once before he had fled before the enemy. Back then, he had watched two armies clash, one of which was shining under the sun, and led by his only friend, king Johnas. Around him was the golden grass fields, but down in the valley, it was trampled down mercilessly by the other army of mercernaries, rapists and criminals. But, he had to run.

Now, even with the emboidment of same that evil before him, he won't run. "I will face you now, Shael, God of darkness."

"Very well. But only with that rusty sword of yours? The mightiest of this world have tried to kill me, but no artifact or godlike power was able to aid them. Turn your tail and run boy, and you might live a happy life with your girl."

"You shall not mention Arin again", Aleron ordered, which seemed to amuse his enemy. "Lets fight."

The earth started to tremble. It was as if the mountain under their feet was trying to escape. Or swallow him up.

In the arms of Sharin, it seemed like the whole world was being condensed for real. Tiny strings raced from air, ground and grass, and formed a weapon in his arms. It was an axe made of absolute darkness.

But Sharin was not done yet. When the axe was finally formed, it started sucking in everything around him.

What the hell is it? Aleron gazed upon sword his father once held. It shall be enough.

"This is the fabled weapon Stormmaker. Have you heard of it boy?" Sharin screamed through the rush of wind the axe was creating. Oh he had heard of it many times. It was a weapon made from the body of a fallen God of sky, Mahtan. It's a weapon that shaped The Marble Valley. And finally, it was a weapon used to slaughter the bravest of them all, a God named Aleron, one which he had gained his name from.

It seemed like Sharin was not even planning to move. Stormmaker was sucking in the world; everything except his owner, and it created a rush of wind and dirt constantly whipping him.

Gotcha. Aleron felt the incoming blast of wind, so he jumped towards Sharin with all of his might. A surprise flashed over God's face, but he could not react. He was stabbed right throught the chest.

Aleron used momentum to get away from him. Stormbringer had almost sucked him in; he had to aim a whole meter to the side to hit the target.

Suddenly, the weapon had vanished. Sharin broke down to his knees, his back pointed to Aleron. That couldn't have possibly taken him down... 

He was right. This god pulled his sword out of chest with a sharp move. "It's been milleniums since one dared to oppose me. Even the mighty Gods are hiding from me somewhere where they cannot help you. Why boy? Why did you pick this battle when you know you can't win?"

"You bring pain to this world. I need to stop this" he answered. "Someone has to save this world."

The dark God started laughing. "You are so wrong, my little Aleron. But I see there's no reason to talk. Lets settle this."

The clouds covered the sky, and in a second blizzard rained down to him. I really am facing not just him, but the whole world... But the worst thing was that every single snowflake seemed to hit his eye. He tried to cover his face, but it didn't work. It was either this, or fighting with his eyes shut.

A motion. He rushed towards the shape he saw, punching with his fist.

Aleron's movements were always different. He was agile and strong,  but longed to hide it. His powers unraveled once he had to save the girl he loved. He was no ordinairy man.

That same power brought him to the young king himself, and put him in the middle of a war to determine the fate of power in this world. Ultimately, he had to leave when the High Partriarch called him in, and sent him here, to the summit of the world, to meet the Gods. And yet, only Sharin was waiting for him.

The one he had dreamt to kill for so long.

The shape was fake. Aleron punched a head off a grim statue. Instantly, it's hands became alive and like two snakes, wrapped around his arms. 

"It's a game over, Aleron."

If only there was no snow, I could have fought properly... 

Hands reached towards him, towards his eyes. Fingers grabbed around his eyeballs. He screamed when they were torn out of his head, and then succumbed into darkness, the true realm of his enemy. 

* * *

"Despite everything, you are still like a brother to me", a man of skin dark as the night sky said. Down his both cheeks two scars ripped his skin apart, revealing a red meat, even though they were long healed.

"Are you kidding me?" the other man, human, spitted out. He did not look completely sane, expressions flashing over his face constantly.

"I'm only here to kill you for what you have done. I have to follow the rules. But don't forget how much I love you, bother."

"You", human tried to speak but his lips crampled. "Do not call me that ever again. I refuse to be your friend. I spit on the past we share."

"So be it. But remember, you stand alone against the whole world", black skinned man said so. His hair was silver and long, and it fell down his back freely. He had no shirt and only wore a brown pants.

Pillars of stone started sprouting from the ground, trying to hit the slippery dark man. Human seemed to finally regain his sanity, being focused at his enemy.

"You are so addicted to the power Sharin had given to you, that you can only still be sane while using it, Kavel? Is that why you fight? Do you thing it's his fault?" human's enemy yelled, while dodging.

"Shut up! Fear, I will kill both you and Sharin!" Either way,what Fear had said was not a complete miss. Sharin had only helped Kavel ampifly his power, but he gave him nothing. Nothing but this madness he has.

Fear finally stopped dodging. He spread his arms pointed to the ground, and made pillars made of stone vaporize, leaving only a cloud of hissing ash behind them.

"Shall I finally see the Ash Prince in action?" Kavel taunted him, but Fear remained silent. All around him, the Ashes gathered and swung like a wave, but ready to strike.

"And you, son of the dessert? Are you ready to clash?"

They were the same. Brothers. They perfectly read eachother and the blaze of sand sprinkling from the ground collapsed with river of black ash. Those unstable, weakly connected masses exploded upon the impact, burying both of them alive.

No one would ever know what happened here.

Comments & reviews · 2
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Lycando
Review

Hey there, Lycando here to review!

Alright so first off, there were a couple of grammatical mistakes here and there...

Once before he had fled before the enemy.


You don't have to repeat the 'before' here, in fact you don't really have to use it Just simply say: Once, he had fled from the enemy

Around him was the golden grass fields


The was here should be were.

Now, even with the emboidment of same that evil before him, he won't run


There's a typo there with embodiment, and also the sentence should be rephrased to:

Now, even with that same embodiment of evil before him, he would not run.

and then succumbed into darkness


You can't really succumb into something, just 'succumbed to darkness' would suffice here.

Alright so overall, this story was pretty okay. It's just that, I didn't get that sense of excitement during the fight scene between Aleron and Sharin. When you go up against such a powerful entity, there's bound to be more trouble than just snow falling in your eye. If Sharin has the power to command the wind and create a storm, wouldn't Aleron be sucked into it as well? Also, where exactly were they fighting? Describe the setting, don't force the reader to have to imagine it for themselves.

I think this story has potential if you added in more back story as well as create more imagery. At the last part, I think you should change the two characters to Fear and Valor, since they seem to be the same yet different at the same time. In this case Valor is the opposite of Fear yet they both have a relation.

Hope my review helped! :)

There is a really good story here! Unfortunately, you need way more detail and background information. It was really hard for me to understand what was happening, especially in the last story. Does the Aleron have magic powers too? I got the sense he did, but there was no elaboration on it. There is mention of a girl that Aleron loves, but only breifly. Is she dead?

In the second story, a human and fear are fighting, correct? and you call them Human and Black Skinned Man? If so, you need to capitalize their nicknames so it doesn't look like you forgot the word 'the.' Ex: ""You", human tried to speak but his lips crampled." and "whole world", black skinned man said so." But then we find out that they are named Fear and Kavel. And Kavel got his powers from Sharin and he is the Black Skinned Man? The Human is Fear?
Grammitical errors are:
"king Johnas" - King Johnas
"Lets" - Let's, as in "let us"
"Aleron gazed upon sword his father once held." - I think you left out words here.
"spitted out." - Spat out
"But don't forget how much I love you, bother."" - Brother
"but his lips crampled." - crampled is not a word and 'crumbled' maybe, but that would work when talking about lips.
"black skinned man said so." - I don't like "said so" I would just leave it at "said"
""And you, son of the dessert?" - Desert* Dessert is a sweet you eat after a meal.
"They perfectly read eachother and" - They read each other perfectly

This story has a lot of potential! It just needs to be read over to fix minor mistakes and some details added to clarify the plot of the story.



We know what we are, but know not what we may be.
— William Shakespeare