For the love of gravity.

i really really like this! it's really fun yet also has deeper feelings most people can relate to.. the whole thing is really clever and i love the title a lot! overall you did an amazing job i think!(:

This was really cute, it has a lyrical feeling to it, it really makes it easy to follow. I also really enjoyed that you somehow chose a theme and followed it through to the end, it gives the feeling that there are no other words to use, like those words were the only option, makes it feel right. It's a cute and fun poem, I really enjoyed it

Hello! Roxy here!
I really do like this piece!! !!
I would love for you to add another few verses beI would love for you to add another few verses beI would love for you to add another few verses I would love for you to add another few verses because it sounds like a song, to me anyway! I was here humming along to it!
Its such a happy piece, which I love, we need more of them!
My favorite bit is;What a force to behold!
It's physics, I'm told,
and it works on you no matter
how young or old.

This pull is sensational!
It's so gravitational!
The science and math make it all
so equational!"
I think its brilliant! ^^
Hope you keep writing!
PM me if you have any Qs!
--Roxy

Perhaps these changes to the first couple passages make it feel less rushed, Newa? By the way, I, too am new to YWS..bout a week old. Welcome, and I hope you fit right in

Well first i'll start by saying you do have potential. But what you did here, it seems like you forced a lot of big words and threw them together just because they sounded good, when in reality it didn't make much sense.


Oh, how horrid!
I'm caught in your orbit!
I've gravitated to you
and all that you do.
What a force to behold!
It's physics-- I'm told--
and it works on you
no matter
how young or old.

I think a couple of these lines seemed rushed especially toward the end, now i don't know how your reading it so maybe its different from your eyes, but from the readers point of view, I felt like i had to rush read to make the rhyme.



This pull is sensational!
It's so gravitational!
The science and math make it all
so equational!
Critique not, my word choice,
or I'll get menstrational.
True, being right, for me is only occasional.

You do know what menstruation means, right?
Please explain as to what you meant by "or I'll get menstruational?"
I don't even think that's a word to be honest.
To throw big words together and make them rhyme only look cool to the naked eye. But to actually use those words with meaning and make them flow and blend together is true art and what makes someone's work unique from anyone else's.

I didn't feel much emotion from this piece either, or I couldn't vividly imagine anything. I really didn't understand much of it at all. I would suggest looking up words from the dictionary, and seeing how they are used. Then check to see if they belong in your poem or if you used them the right way. I was just so confused because it seemed like verse one and verse two contradicted themselves.


"But this time I'm persuaded
and wonderfully weighted.
My love for you
don't even have to be stated."

"It's there
and it's real
in forces we both feel.
In forces to which
we both yield."



I liked this one a lot, I can actually feel a little emotion and i relate, as can other viewers. Which is great. But maybe if you changed the "don't even have to be stated" to "doesn't have to be stated" it rolls off the tongue a little bitter.


Over all, the first two, I didn't get at all, but the last two shows that you can grow. Which is why i left a review. The fact that your on here obviously does show that you want to get better, so please don't think I'm horrible and I'm sorry if i offended you in any way because of course when you insult someone's art, you do hit a soft spot. But just remember I'm only trying to help not destroy your confidence. I look forward to see future poems from you.

Kudos.