Prologue
I took a deep breath of the ocean air feeling calmer then I felt for the past few months. I tried to ignore him as I folded my arms and gazed up at the Irish sunset. The sky was a gorgeous orange and yellow occasionally interrupted by a stroke of red clouds and the dark outline of seagulls. The water lapped on the wooden steps, scattered with dark rocks. I could hear the distant laughs and voices of my new friends and wondered why I decided to come here with him when it was obvious he was more interested in the water.
He threw a rock into the water and I sighed. Yeah, my life felt like it was on track, just a few months ago I was the weirdo of my school, spending my time straying in the shadows avoiding the eyes of every boy that walked past me. I felt like that was how I was going to spend my days, but then my best friend Vanessa gave me a makeover. Vanessa was probably the only one supportive in this, who stuck by me and gave me most of the instructions mostly concerning how to act in front of Erik, my target for the month.
I glanced up at him but he didn't say anything, just continued frowning at the waves, he grabbed a rock and threw it; it bounced on the water before sinking. He frowned again and threw another rock, the movement made the droplets on his dark hair roll down his face. He shook his head and picked up another rock.
"OK!" I said impatiently, "When you finish experimenting with gravity could you um...tell me why you want to talk to me?"
He dropped the stone and turned to look at me, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry."
I laughed. "Of course," I said and shook my head. "Of course you wanted to say that! Why now? It's been three full weeks!"
He sighed, "Can't you just accept the fact that I'm sorry?" He asked, "Or do you expect me to kneel down before you and beg?"
"I can't ignore what you said about me," I snapped. "It hurt! I know you probably don't believe it but it hurt me a lot! Do you know what I had to live through? Do you even care?"
"You did one stupid show," he snapped and glared at me, "So what? It's not some stupid drama thing where you almost died or something; it was your fault!"
"Yes of course," I muttered and smiled coldly, "Well...ok...I forgive you. Go."
He began to walk away and I stared into the water feeling upset, did I really forgive him? Did I really want to? He paused and turned to look at me, "I can't go. I don't want us to be like this," he said shaking his head, "Michelle...this isn't how it's meant to end."
"What did you expect?" I asked coldly, "for me to easily forgive you and then for us to skip along happily as if nothing happened? I can't do that."
"I was angry," he said softly and sighed, "I was angry and jealous...I couldn't see straight or even think straight."
"Jealous of what?" I asked quietly, "Why were you angry? That's something I don't understand!"
"You changed," he said, "you changed a lot and I believed you became a fool! Some air-headed fool..."
"Air-headed fool," I laughed bitterly and kicked a stone into the water, "Thanks...that's a new one."
"I don't mean it like that," he muttered and groaned, covering his face with his hands. It looked like he was fighting some inner battle, and I wondered who was going to win, him or whatever he was fighting because this wait was making me impatient! Why couldn't he just tell me? Ugh...
"Just spit it out!" I said impatiently.
He looked at me then moved forward and put his hands on my shoulders, he turned me to face him and then gazed straight into my eyes, "I was angry...that...I thought that I was going to lose you!" he said, "It took me a long while to realize but...Michelle...I'm in love with you."
End of chapter
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140,907 Literary Works • 673,716 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Well this was certainly something here. Its not too often that this sort of thing happens in a prologue, so it made for a relatively unique start. I do this is an intriguing premise here but the conversation here feels like it ended a bit on a dangerous note at least to me, that declaration of love doesn't feel real.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well this is already off to an interesting start here. The first paragraph was a fairly neutral one with a nice bit of a setting being established, but then we move into something I assume explain exactly what this person is doing here and that is the sort of thing that gets a reader's attention.
Oh well, it appears this isn't quite what I was expecting to happen here...so that is an interesting twist. This appears to be a far more painful conversation than what I was expecting and you are painting quite the picture here with how its proceeding. It appears that something horrible has happened in the past here and they're very much unable to move past it because the boy here is clearly not taking it seriously. Well, the dialogue here is certainly pretty on point I would say.
Hmm, well these two clearly can't seem to understand each other all that well here. Somethings have certainly gone quite wrong here and it seems like neither of them are being particularly nice to each other either. Walking away seems like the only healthy option for both honestly.
Well, at this point I would laugh and run, because he did not indicate anything close to that with his earlier actions, this just looks to be like the beginning to something that can only possibly cause pain to both. Oh well...definitely does make for a pretty cliffhanger to end on though. So that's great to see in a prologue.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this is off to an interesting start...the conversation here certainly was a pretty loaded one I would say and it gives you a lot to think about as a reader. At any rate, think I probably would want to read more here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
First of all Welcome to YWS! Secondly, I love your story I can't wait to go read the first chapters. This prologue shows a lot of potential and I know this will be an awesome story.I love how I am dieing to know more and can't wait to finish this review so I can go read the next part. Please keep writing this and PM me when you post more.
haha thanks
if u see any mistakes feel free to let me know 
Chapter 1-7 already up
xx
This is really interesting and I can't wait to read the very first chapter.
I know it may sound weird but I like the title, it was the first thing that made me read it. So well done and keep up the good work! I like your style!
-bugbug368
I want to find out a little more about her.
Are they irish? (because then I'm hooked, there's nothing better then a hot irishmen Ah!)
Why was she a weirdo?
So many questions poped through my head but some writers want you to have questions after reading a prologue.
Your detail is excellent, so is your dialouge.
So overall I don't have any complaints
Good job! <3
Ohh, wow. That was a great attention grabber! I realize this is just the prologue so I'll save the questions for the real chapters! So far great jobb!!
--Anne<3
Hi there! Have no fear, LPR is here!
RED = parts that I fixed.
BLUE = bits that I liked.
UNDERLINED = Nit-picks.
Just that first sentence bugged me a bit. Other than that, a lovely beginning paragraph.
Whoa! Long, long, sentence right there! Try editing it a bit.
Same instance here, very long sentence.
Long sentence, again.
I love this last paragraph! VERY well way to end the chapter/prologue!
Overall:
I think there could be more description and perhaps a bit less dialogue. But I enjoy the dialogue as it is. I think it's a good way to start off the story. It's a bit vague, which could either bore the reader, or make the reader curious.
Well done and keep writing!
~LPR
I really enjoyed this! I like the descriptions and the imagery you used in the first paragraph but, keep doing it throughout the entire prologue. It's kind of confusing why Eric and Michelle are arguing with each other though, what exactly did she do that put her in harm? Mainly, I think you could add more details about the characters and whats going on between them. It did leave me wanting to know more thought, defiantly caught my attention.
--wendy
The biggest problems I had with this is that your sentences in the beginning aren't necessarily run-ons, but they seem awkward. Wordiness, I guess is what you have there. You're taking a lot of words to say very little! Also, when you get to the dialogue, the description becomes almost non-existent. In a scene with a lot of dialogue you don't need paragraphs of description, but it'd still be nice to have some visual cues to go by.
I enjoyed this story, I wish it had a bit more descripiton in it
Thank you for the reviews!
I really appreciate it 
so umm I hope this edited version is a bit better then the last. 
And yeah I took out some of the details because I wanted to answer most of the questions through the rest of the novel, like who the guy is and what happened between them. Ellipses. Out. Got it 
lol thanks again 
Well I took all the comments on board and tried to change it
Oh! They're called ellipses! Many thanks to you, Mizzle! He-he, I can be happy now!
Hi there, Al3xx! ^_^
My corrections are in red, whilst the words/phrases I think you should remove are in blue.
You have a tendency to overuse ellipses (...'s). Only use them when it's something extremely dramatic. Also, you need to remember your punctuation. There is more than commas and periods - don't forget about the semicolon, he can be your best friend. Go on.
Overall:
This is alright - it's nothing special, but it's not too bad, either. It has potential, but some of the plot points are ones that I've already seen in some other stories. You need to add your own twist to the romance where a girl changes - change it up a bit.
You also desperately need to stop over-using ellipses. It drives me crazy. Only use them when it's something very dramatic. You use them every two sentences. Let me tell you, you don't need to.
Watch your grammar and punctuation. It can make or break you.
Overall, nice work.
Hope to read more from you in the future.
-Mizz-
Hey Al3xx!
Welcome to YWS!
Your story was good, but I would have liked to see more descriptions and less dialogue. Yes, the dialogue is important, but I feel like I was missing something as I read this, why were these two fighting? Why is the boy sorry?
Why did she change? Who is Vanessa? and etc, even the little details matter!
You have good dialogue going here, but you need to add a little more meat behind it. With that, this would be an awesome start for a story!
PM me if you have any questions!
-SodapopLunchbox
Hello! Welcome to YWS!
I, Loveless, take it upon myself to review your story to the best of my abilities! This I swear! Ah-hem. Well, here goes.
You use a lot of those three dot things(I need to find out what they're called!) and there is not a lot of description in this story. It was good, don't get me wrong, but it just needs a little more imagery. The dialogue is great, but I'm kind of confused as to what she actually did and what he said. I suppose that will be cleared up later but it still makes my head spin. Anyway, once again, welcome to YWS!
Loveless~