After arriving at the frosty cabin that my dad rented out, I had this terrible feeling that this wasn’t going to be a good vacation. Who would come to Mount Morena for a vacation anyway? I expected Hawaii. This log cabin was in a separate zone with the other cabins in the town Rema. It was snowing, even though it was summer. I supposed it was because we were up high in the mountain.
Inside the cabin had two rooms, one for my parents and one for me. There was a fireplace in order to keep us warm, a bookshelf filled with books from the fifties. It was freezing in here. I cupped my hands around my mouth and blew into it. With semi-warm hands, I moved around the cabin. I might as well get used to this place. I am going to be staying here for at least a week. Sighing, I settled down to the unused bedroom. It was night time when we came here. I wasn’t tired after all the sleeping I had. I jumped onto my bed, and found it incredibly comfortable. I couldn’t go out and play in the snow since it was at least thirty degrees outside. I had on three layers of jackets, and it was still cold.
Since there wasn’t anything for me to do, I shut my eyes and took a nap.
---
The next day, I saw a girl outside of my window. She looked about the same age as me. She had sooty hair that rolled down to her shoulders. A single dotted birthmark was on the left side of her face, near the temple. Her lips seemed dry, and she had brown eyes. She had on at least two layers of clothing, and showed no hint of freezing.
Inside my room was a bed and a drawer. I had my unopened luggage next to the drawer. During the night, I removed my jackets since it got hot in here for some reason. I opened my luggage and pulled out another two jackets. I had a lot of jackets. Both the one I picked were white. I changed my jeans, remembering to put on some spandex.
Seeing that my parents were still asleep, I hurried outside to check the girl. She was walking about and away from the front of my cabin. I called out, “Hey, what are you doing?”
She glanced at me before answering, “I’m finding a place to build a snowman. Do you want to help.”
“Sure.”
I followed her for a bit as she stared intimately at the snow. The level of the snow was up to our shins. About seven feet away from my cabin, she stopped and pointed down. “This here is a good spot.”
“What makes you say that?”
“The snow here hasn’t been stepped on, and it hasn’t turned into ice just yet.” She showed me by grabbing a handful of snow and flung it at my jacket.
I frowned, picking up snow and returned the fire. So instead of us making a snowman, we ended up having a snowball fight. Both of us were equally matched, and the fight ended with a draw when we were both tired. Perfect time too. My mom was watching me, and with a sigh, she shouted, “Maya, you could’ve told me you went outside to play!”
“Sorry, mom, but you and dad were sleeping!”
She smiled, waving at me, signaling to come inside. “Breakfast is ready, honey.”
I turned to the girl, who gazed at me, and asked, “Can my friend come?”
My mom nodded. “I made a bit too much anyway.”
“Come,” I said.
Walking and then halting midway to my destination, I spoke, “I forgot to ask for your name. I’m Maya.”
“Eden.”
---
Mom made pancakes, lots of pancakes. Where she got it, I didn’t know. Whatever, it was pancakes. Dad was still sleeping, so I went in his room to wake him up. I looked at his blond hair ruffling against the pillow, a color which I inherited. He barely moved, only making groaning noises. After that, I went back to the dining table and resumed my breakfast.
“So, Eden,” my mom started, her curiosity rising, “where are you from?”
“Rema.”
“Do you live near this zone?”
“No, I live about five blocks down. I walked here.”
“What about your parents?” her brows furrowed.
“Today is the first year since their death.”
The room was quiet. Eden said it in such a nonchalant tone that my mom was concerned. Snapping out of her own thoughts, mom posed, “Who are you living with?”
“My aunt and uncle.”
“Why did you come here?”
“They want to know where I took the ashes.” She set down her fork and knife, finished with her breakfast. Wow, that was quick.
“Is it here?”
“No, it’s under their house.”
I was speechless at this point. Eden glanced at me, and then changed the topic. “How long are you going to be here?”
“A week,” I answered.
“Just enough for the festival.”
My mom winces as if a terrible truth was revealed.
“Festival?” I asked.
She moaned, “I was going to make that a surprise.”
“When does it start?”
“Tomorrow.”
The Snow Festival, as it was called, that was going to take place was on a Monday. We came here the day before. We had a free day, and after breakfast, mom let us out and played around. Eden and I got to make the snowman she wanted before she started that fight. It was a “classic snowman” was what Eden said when we finished. I obtained the hat from my dad and a scarf from my luggage and decorated the snowman to Eden’s request. Rocks were used as the buttons to its imaginary shirt.
The two of us played until noon passed, and that was when Eden said she had to go. I was sad, but she reassured that she would be at the Snow Festival.
---
Throughout the week, I hung out with Eden around the Snow Festival, which took place outside of the town. My parents had a time of their own, and they seemed to be happy about it. The Snow Festival lasted for a week, and I spent my time with Eden. Nothing terrible could ever happen, right? It was just a festival, nothing more. They had food stalls, a section full of games and prizes. I won a teddy bear and handed it over to Eden, who denied my gift at first. I kept on shoving it to her until I succeeded. We found something new and there were different performances every day. What could go wrong?
The town of Rema was on top of Mt. Morena, and there were two roads connected. A forest surrounded the town, and unexpectedly, a large distance between the road and the ground. I noticed the pine trees when we first arrived, but I didn’t bother to check the roots.
It was on a Thursday, and I was lost in the festival. There were usually a lot of people here, and I supposed it was because of the performance by a famous artist whom I didn’t know. Me and Eden was separated. While roaming around the festival and searching for Eden, I stumbled across the edge where I saw the gap. I managed to sneak past the stalls where they tried to keep kids away so they wouldn’t fall off. Unfortunately, they missed me.
Eden did a bad thing yesterday and snuck into the back of the stalls, she said that it was a way to grab free food. I denied it at first, but I couldn’t turn away free food. The stalls were tent-like, and Eden was able to get under the tent without breaking the ropes holding it down. I was curious to see how she did it. So I went.
It rained yesterday, and the snow was slippery. One false move and… I lost my footing.
---
I didn’t know how many hours had passed. It was night time when I woke up. Stings jolted up to my head as I groaned. Looking down at my position, I noted the blood. Becoming conscious of my situation, my body shivered. My fingers shook, and the cold was taking over. My body slowly numbed, though I had to get myself out of this. I gazed up at the spot where I fell, and attempted to yell. My voice was raspy as if I was dehydrated. I could scream.
My breath was clearly visible. I tried to stand; however, my legs were too weak. I checked and spotted the cut on my right leg. I had hit a branch on the way down. My heart was racing, beating faster than it should be. I couldn’t help it. The thoughts of death were on my mind, and there was no way of ridding it. I wasn’t capable of screaming for help, and would anybody even hear me? I wasn’t capable of moving, and where would I even go? I shook my head; this wasn’t the place where I would die. My parents were undoubtedly searching for me. They surely wouldn’t leave their twelve year old daughter behind.
The freezing temperature prickled my face, gradually seeping into my clothes and then my skin. I rubbed my arms, trying to keep warm. I was here for about an hour or so. I couldn’t keep track of time. I had no watch, no phone.
From a distance, I heard a faint sound. A sound of a voice. A voice of a girl. A girl who was calling. Calling out to me. “Maya!”
It was Eden. I didn’t know how she got here, although I was glad to hear somebody’s voice. I made another attempt to yell, it failed. Coughing, and the headache getting worst, I concentrated. At the right moment, I screamed, “Eden!”
It wasn’t even a scream, more like a whisper.
“Maya!”
There was a flashlight, and it pointed straight at me. I was blinded by it, but soon the light was pointed toward the sky, and I saw Eden’s face. I smiled in relief as opposed to her’s who was still in a worried phase. She quickly looked at my wounds, and crouched, showing her back to me. “Get on,” she uttered.
I moved my arms onto her shoulders, and pulled myself onto her. She lifted me up while I held onto the flashlight. It was a heavy duty flashlight, and I had enough strength to enfold it.
“How did you find me?” I murmured.
“When I couldn’t find you at the festival, I searched for your parents and saw that they didn’t know where you are either. They have a whole searching party for you right now. After almost every single place was checked, I realized you had slipped down here. This was the only place that nobody investigated yet.”
“Why’s that?”
“There’s no proper way down, and it isn’t such a great idea to drop a ladder since it’ll just fall from the edges. I don’t know how else they were planning to get down, but I wasn’t going to wait.”
“How did you get down?”
“There’s a slope that isn’t as steep. I slid down from there, and I’m going to climb up from there. Hopefully, they don’t bring in a helicopter or something just yet. It would be a waste.”
She kept talking in order to keep me conscious. The walk to where she landed was about ten minutes. It was an awful long ten minutes. She said in a low voice, “Hold on tight.”
So I did with the power I could muster. She released one of my legs in order to grab onto the slope. Unhurriedly, but carefully, she made her way up with me on her back. It was amazing, she was able to carry me and climb at the same time. Her might was incredible. From where she got up, she quickened her pace and jogged to the town. There were people standing outside of Rema, calling to the others that I had returned.
Eden ran past them and toward the hospital. At that point, I was safe. My parents were there, holding my hands. I was on a bed, a few blankets over me.
She sat by me, watching me and my parents.
---
Since I was a little girl, I always dreamt of my prince in shining armor. I never expected it to be Eden West.
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This was the longest prologue I have ever read, but that doesn't mean it's bad. Also, I really liked this, though I don't really get the whole prince in shining armor thing, seeing as it is a term used for boys. That is all. Keep up the good work and keep writing!
GrapeNerd
So, I can see where you are going with this story. It could use some development of the idea and perhaps a foreshadowing of the fall and a build up of the relationship between the girls. Also, Eden's parents died and their ashes are under the house. That was something interesting but you kind of just left it at that. You paragraphs could also use some restructuring to make them flow better.
As for grammar....
-"Do you want to help." needs a ? instead.
-don't use the word intimately when she looks at the snow. These girls are twelve and not being intimate with the snow.
-you use "she moaned" but I don't feel like she would moan that sentence.
-there's a sentence that should say "we played around"
-you repeat "what could go wrong?" in a paragraph twice. Instead of making it really obvious and repetitive use foreshadowing early on in the story, perhaps you could say Eden's parents died falling down a cliff?
-there's another sentence that should read "were separated"
Lastly you have used the wrong saying in the last few lines. It should be "knight in shining armor". I could understand if you wanted something unique and that's why you used prince, but with the knight thing already existing people will think "prince in shining armor" is wrong. I also think its a tad out of place for her to be saying that as it generally refers to boys.
Happy Writing!