Kind of a random tidbit . . .
~
Every little star
Falling from the black;
White in the hanging tar;
What you do, where you are,
The chance you won’t get back.
Every little pearl
Falling from the blue;
Spinning to a blazing world
Just to freeze the furls;
The flames subduing you.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,781 Reviews
Hi,
I love the sound of this piece and "hanging tar" and "freeze the furls" are really great images.
I'd change "the blue" as you've already told us that the sky is black.
I'd also change "flames" as it's an easy image and doesn't really fit in here. I'd try for something which is more connected with the sky.
Hope this helps,
Jas
Amazingly additive piece of poetry . I have read it at lest seven times still I remotely understand the message you are tring to get through. Is it about missing out on opportunities or something even deeper.
As a review its flawless short and sweet without mistake or flowed without stop.
Keep up the good work!