Published September 12, 2011
I wish I had a reason to run,
A reason to hide from what hasn't been done.
I want to escape from those that don't see
The glimmer of hope inside of me.
I always think that I can show
Who I am and everyone know
That I am here, body and mind
But I always get left behind.
People that I thought could see
The glimmer of hope inside of me
Were only using me, I fear,
As a pastime, until they changed gears.
Now again I am alone
Looking for a way to get home.
The spark of hope lit in my soul
Is nearly extinguished; is this your goal?
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140,945 Literary Works • 673,775 Reviews
So simple and beautiful. My favorite part is:
I like how you have hope as only a glimmer inside of you. Though I hope that you didn't write this because you feel that you're just a pastime. You are more than that. Heck, everyone is! NO person should feel that they are alone and forgotten because people are doing other things.
Another part that I enjoyed was:
[quote] The spark of hope lit in my soul
Is nearly extinguished; is this your goal?/quote]
If anyones goal is to extinguish someone's hope, then they aren't a very nice person. Anyway! I love your poem and I truly hope that you don't feel this way.
Wishing you a wonderful day! No matter what.
Deathcurrent
THAT'S AWESOME! It's simple and, despite that, incredibly strong and real. Who didn't feel that at least once?
I really didn't find anything wrong with your poem.
Congratulations! Keep writing.
That was good, I really enjoyed that! The poem was real, that's what I enjoyed about it, it seemed to flow perfectly. It was simplistic and not too harsh on the eyes, again one of the reasons I have enjoyed this piece soo much, I don't enjoy poems that are a short story length. Really good, splendid!
Keep going
EvensLilyxxx
Fruity here!
Because you said run twice in the same stanza, it felt kind of redundant. Although, that may be the point. Sometimes I repeat a word and people make this same comment not realizing that I meant it to be repetitive for emphasis, so that may be what you were trying to do. If it wasn;t htough you could use more interesting words like this... Just a suggestion. I also REALLY liked this stanza, Its like I told someone earlier in a review, I feel like asking questions on poetry adds mystery and lets the reader develop their own perspective. I frequently ask questions in my poetry. I just wanted to compliment you on that stanza. So yeah it was a really good piece I think it has potential you should definetly build on.I really liked this piece. It was simple, but made its point. I only had a problem with a few things.
Love, fruity!