Published April 18, 2006
Listening to your words,
your eyes tearing me down.
My love being the only thing,
to help me drown.
Slowly suffocating;
rearranging,
the ugliness that's always been there.
You made it pretty for awhile,
like it really mattered.
But happiness,
is yet only for the ones who can take it.
You showed me in your voice,
that you were not strong enough for me.
But it's OK, if you leave,
I don't think I ever expected you to stay.
Your smile was like a dream,
that seemed to never fit in my life.
And now I know it was,
when your smile faded.
It's hard to understand,
those who don't want to be understood.
Love is supposed to be stronger than that,
I always thought.
But your words echo,
when will you understand my pain?
Every time those blue eyes whisper,
such nightmares into mine.
I swear I can feel the tainting of my heart to cease,
but I breath, for you.
Still thinking that someday it'll change;
and you'll welcome this pain,
like I to you.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
141,381 Literary Works • 674,386 Reviews
Thank you, I will try to shorten some of the lines.
I think the rhythm in this was pretty prominent, and so it was awkward when something was off-rhythm...a short line, a long line, ect. I think you should crop down those uneveness places in the beat. I'm sure you can hear it if you read it aloud.