Seven months ago, grief washed us ashore on two different coasts; I believe you to be in some acreage-long rural paradise with a daughter on your lap. Every morning, pacific water probably runs up your ankles, salty grease follows you home. Fresher, better rooms, and at the pinch of dawn, I bet you don't hear a maniac's squawk next door. Tell me about how the mangos ripen in California or wherever you stay. Tell me all about your daily sun, how it's brighter without me. Tell me also that you still love me: I still love you. This distance don't do nothing to what we have. Even if the last thing you heard was my selfish words, that was a reality I'd rather forget. Don't let it fool or smear you, you know that night I was barely-there. Know that sisterhood is a strange force. It's resilient and punctual, still thriving across two different coasts. And isn't clear that I still love you? All I do is wait. I wait and watch. Know that I'm letting [i]you[/i] give me the call and once you do, in blink I'll be there. It's whenever you want, Elene. My hopes are somewhere near the end of this year, maybe you'll need warmth in December, also someone to sing you happy birthday. I sewn a dress for you as well. After you read this letter, open the ribbons underneath. I chose floral-print, specifically wildflowers, and some silk that renders elite. Don't worry now, I sewn down to the ankles; I know how you'd like it to fall. Also, its got drapery deeper than your Californian valleys. Let it clothe you, Elene. It's so you'll be reminded that I, even I, still want you to be beautiful.
Love, Tonya
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138,023 Literary Works • 672,071 Reviews
Hey there, AdnahandGod! This is Alex, and I'm here to review this fabulous work of yours. Let's dive right in~
Wow, I'm instantly pulled in by the interesting narrative you've managed to create. It's vague but highly suggestive, detached yet yearning and simple but deep. I would've liked to see more of the events being listed from your end. More than their bond, the details of what happened interest me. Because you clearly seem to have the 'what happened' part planned, otherwise we wouldn't have had such specific details and descriptions. I just feel they didn't across very well and could've explored better. Right now the piece remains a mystery, but sometimes giving out some clues only anchors it further.
The relationship dynamic definitely being the key puzzle that the reader funds himself in pursuit of figuring out- is the word 'sister' truly meant or an intended misdirection? I think I can envision both of these scenario, but not without hurdles. I think the first roadblock is the line 'grief washed us ashore', telling us that some misfortunate event drove them both away. Yet in both Tonya's idle talk and lack of Elene's reciprocality, I see a contradiction brewing. Why didn't Tonya reach out before and why does she not sound more worried here? And why hasn't Elene returned even Tonya's late and surface feelings of care? There's certainly more than what meets the eye.
Personally, I think the drifting force to be marriage. This goes beautifully with such an obvious expectation of a daughter soon. Due to financial struggles or family/societal pressure, Elene married a rich and influential man out of an obligation to elevate her family's grievances. This would explain the better living conditions being described as opposed to the poot atmosphere that Tonya is still stuck in. It could be that this man was known to be not the best natured. Even the lack of time and choice and the matter would help classify this as a 'grief' though. If we take them to be real sisters, it could be that they were having some arguments at the time. Out of resentment, Elene refused to reach back to her family that put her in this scenario, having found love in her marriage and this had nothing more to do with them. For all we know, she could've been deserted by the man for all we know as the family certainly hasn't kept contacts. Maybe she's been left on the streets, lives a life of a different misery now, has no resources to write back and this letter is fated to reach the hands of a man who couldn't care at all? About Tonya, she may have needed some time to cool down and look beyond their childish fights at the value of family once the absence became to sink in. A sad but wonderful story about life's treacherous play!
The more possible explanation- they're lovers, pretending to be sisters who lived in a town no one else knew them or use this disguised word to refer to each other to stay safe in a conservative time and place. That would explain a lot of things much better, and make the entire letter much more shattering. Elene married a man for family pressure and societal expectations when people began to become suspicious of the two of them. It could be a haste decision at damage control, a cry for survival in valid assumption that they shall be punished forever. This meant leaving her true love Tonya, behind as she chose both their safety over love, truth and freedom. But in a world which didn't allow them to be themselves, it seemed and probably was the only choice. Maybe Tonya writes in code now to respect Elene's last wish to let their real identities remain concealed. It could make the 'daughter' line more much but wrenching, that's for sure. It also could be that it was more of a one sided decision, with Elene making the choice as opposed to Tonya's wishes to go public. This would make the reference of 'sister' a bit of a satire, and the gifted dress a painful reminder meant as a petty revenge for the grudge Tonya might hold against Elene for ruining their happily ever after just because of her cowardice. But I have a gut feeling that the intent behind the letter is genuine and the longing is being veiled in a cowardice of admitting one's true feelings as one sees people like them burned at the stake, but also a brave sacrifice to prioritise your lover's safety, comfort and life over your happiness and desires. Oh what a treat, to have read this! <3
Just a few grammar nitpicks to fix-
I have sewn down to the ankles- it needed a helping verb here.
Even if the last thing you heard were my selfish words, that's a reality I'd rather forget- your version seems to be mistaking the tense and form of verb, there, corrected that for you!
I have sewn a dress for you as well.- same thing as the first one.
That's all I have for now, I hope you eventually come back to publish more~
Love,
Alex
hi AdnahandGod!
I really enjoyed the narrative of this! one person seems to have reached a calmer, brighter life, while the narrator remains stranded in longing, rehearsing what the other person’s mornings must look like. the opening image of being “washed ashore” is especially strong for that idea because it makes separation feel accidental and tidal rather than simply chosen by either of them. it suggests that the characters did not just leave each other - something larger than both of them may have driven them apart. I also wondered why Tonya is writing to Elene without any indication that Elene has reached out? it made me think that perhaps their love was one-sided, or that Elene has already moved on.
I also thought the strange, tactile imagery was very captivating. in particular, the imagined California constructs a whole climate around Elene’s absence. Tonya seems to want confirmation of her own exclusion, but she also wants to remain close enough to be told about it. that contradiction feels realistic for people who have grown apart, whether by choice or by outside circumstances. that said, the narrative luxuriates in its imagined details so much that the reader may wonder whether Tonya is describing Elene, inventing Elene, or projecting her own need onto her. all of those possibilities could work, but I had trouble figuring out where the poem leaned.
the relationship itself is compelling because the word “sisterhood” complicates the romantic and devotional tone as well. before that word appears, the letter could easily be read as an estranged lover’s appeal, and that is honestly how I first viewed it. afterward, the bond becomes harder to classify. are they close friends? former lovers? actual sisters, though I think that is less likely? I think the narrative may benefit from leaning more into the specific nature of the bond. the closeness suggests loyalty, but that loyalty is not fully contextualized in the text. I am loyal to my friends and to my partner, though in very different ways. I would have loved to see more elaboration on that dynamic, maybe even from Elene’s side.
some parts also feel morally slippery too? I am not sure whether that is intentional, but Tonya often comes across as manipulative. for example:
this is psychologically believable, since people often apologize by trying to soften the record of what happened, but as writing, I do not think it does quite enough yet. it could be more powerful if Tonya’s evasion were more clearly exposed by the language, so that we could better understand what Elene experienced. I found it difficult to sympathize with Tonya when I was unsure who she was, what she had done, or what Elene had actually felt, especially considering Tonya’s unreliability as a narrator.
honestly though, this was a really compelling narrative about how grief is not always clean. sometimes it is self-centered and invasive, and that emotional doubleness gives the poem a lot of its power! I especially liked how specific the longing felt, even when the history between the two characters remained unclear. I do wish some elements were more fleshed out, particularly their relationship dynamic, but I thought this was a very enjoyable read despite that.
best,
cocteau
As I'm reading this, I'm realizing how these sisters were torn apart somehow, and how Tonya is trying to make the bond that they both need.
A desperate love story between two sisters, one needing to know if the other's okay, it's really deep and I love it.
Love to hear more like this!
Eywa ngahu.
~Kivaya