z

Young Writers Society


12+

What we didn't know...(Frozen Fanfic)

by AdmiralKat, Evander


"You guys stay out here," Anna said to Kristof and Olaf. "Last time I showed her a guy she froze the whole kingdom." Anna cracked a small smile. "But, what is she gonna do, freeze the whole country again?"

"Oh, come on! It's a palace made of ice!" Kristof exclaimed. "Ice is my life!"

"Well, then you have no life," snickered Anna as she creeped into the icy palace.

The castle was marvelous. The walls were a mix of light green, icy blue, and a light purple. It shone in the brightest of lights. The staircase spiraled up to a unknown room, Anna didn't know what to do.

"Do I go up the stairs?" she muttered to herself, her hands shaking because of the cold.

A sharp cold breeze touched Anna's lips. Shivering, she looked up as an impulse and saw a figure coming down the ice cold stairs. As the figure came down, Anna came to realize it was her sister. With her long white hair and piercing blue eyes, she gazed down at Anna.

"So... you decided to find me. Why?" Elsa's voice was sharp, cutting into Anna's fragile heart. Anna didn't know what to do, or what to say.

Her feet were almost frozen onto the ground, the air was now uncomfortable. "I wanted to see you, Queen Elsa."she tried to cursty, but her body would not obey her. Her heart skipped a beat.

"You don't bow before the almighty queen?" Elsa laughed a cold laugh. "It's okay Anna, you're my sister. You don't have to bow!" her tone changed from cruel to kind, instantly.

Anna laughed nervously, not sure how to react to this change. They stood there awkwardly for a few moments, for they had not seen each other since the disastrous coronation. "Oh! My manners! Do come upstairs," said Elsa apologetically.

"Uh, okay..." Anna's feet decided to move on their own free will. Each step was slippery, she tried to maintain her balance, but, stumbled several times.

Suddenly, she fell forward. She put her hands out in front of herself. Unfortunately, she failed to catch herself.

The ice floor was not as cold as Anna thought it would be. The sleek ice that pressed against her head helped soothe the pain. It's okay. Elsa will help me like any good sister would do. I mean she is just a raging psycho queen that seems to have magical powers. The thought did not settle her mind.

Elsa approaches her, seemingly sneering at Anna's pathetic appearance. "You were always weak, that's what I liked about you. Always singing about snowmen..." Elsa's tone kept on changing. Tears fell down Anna's face, she was honestly afraid.

"I thought. I thought that you were not like what all the townsfolk said. I thought you were different. I thought you had a cold appearance but the most warm heart. I thought I could call you may loving caring sister," Anna bursts out into tears. Elsa just looks at her with a smug smile.

"What says I'm good or bad? The way I talk? The way I walk? My ice powers? Hm... What, Anna, what?" Elsa paused, kneeling down and picking up Anna's chin. "I went from being locked in a room all my life, to banished in the mountains."

"B-b-banished? You ran away yourself. Stop blaming it on us!" Anna didn't know what took over her, it sounded like Elsa was saying the townsfolk did something.

Anna was enraged at that point. "It was your fault and you know it! You could have come back and prove yourself to be a good person and I would have defended you. Instead, you just proved yourself to be the monster that you are."

The floor started moving, the floor rose up so it was at the very top.Elsa drags Anna into the main top floor and the queen cornered Anna.

"You're calling me a monster? Sister, I'm deeply hurt." Elsa raised a single hand, and her fingers almost touched Anna's lock of white hair. The air whooshed around showing the snow queen's power. A cold laugh filled the thin air.

Elsa looks at Anna one last time, looking at her pathetic face of fear. She created a mighty wind that knocked Anna to her knees. Elsa laughed at Anna menacingly. "Who is the one with the cold heart now?"

Anna, slowly dying from the ice blow. "Do you wanna...", she coughs, "build a..." her lungs hurt from breathing. "snow man? Come on... please answer me...." a single frozen tear fell down her cheeks.


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Thu Jul 09, 2015 3:44 pm
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MaddieNicolette wrote a review...



ok love that you made it your own. few things tho

one: ok first the dialoge at the beginning is the same in the movie. i understood what you were going for trying to let people know where you were picking up however.... you might try just describing the castle. people will understand. just a suggestion.

Two: im really confused is elsa consumed by this monster, and theres a part that still is good. or is she good, or bad. that confused me. one minute she kind and the next she bad.

Three: What happened to Anna is she dying?!

ok so that is my suggestion, i really enjoyed reading this. i would love to re read this if you do deside to change/ revise it.

ps loved the do you want to build a snow man thing.
again these are just my suggestions, take them as you wish. i loved this piece. keep up the good work
Maddie




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Thu Sep 04, 2014 3:20 pm
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Moondeertribe says...



I can definitely appreciate a twisted Disney ending and this one is just rlly great omg, keep up the awesome work! I guess the only complaint or thing I would consider changing or at least revising is lengthening your paragraphs a tad bit more, more detail would definitely set the tone and give the readers more to look at as opposed to finish it quickly and be done with it ovo Hope I made sense I know I dont always do uvu;;




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Mon Jul 07, 2014 4:15 am
Kendastic wrote a review...



This is twisted and I love it. A few comments though.

"Uh, okay..." Anna's feet decided to move on their own free will. Each step was slippery, she tried to maintain her balance, but, stumbled several times.

The above paragraph could be reworded so that it flows easier. Something like:

"Each step was slippery, and she tried to maintain her balance but stumbled several times."

Some paragraphs are a bit choppy, but that could be easily fixed. I also felt like in some places you used to different tenses...like past mixed with present. I could be wrong in seeing that, but if I did, make sure to try to stick to just one. I had the same problem in my essays for AP English.

I love Frozen, it is one of my favorite movies. I was reluctant to read a fanfic about it at first, but I'm glad I decided on yours. I could totally see Elsa being evil. And you captured the spirit of Anna perfectly.

Well done! Keep up the good work!




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Thu Jun 26, 2014 9:10 pm
Kanome wrote a review...



Hello, Kayta.
Kanome here with a review for you.

First off, I really love Frozen. It's one of my favorite movies, so I am glad to see someone wrote a fanfic about it.
Secondly, the ending almost made me cry. Because of what Anna always asked Elsa.
"Do you wanna build a snowman?"

That really got me in the heart D: Great job on that.

I don't see any grammar or content errors as far as I know of.
All I can say is to keep up the great work.
Annnnnnnnnd stay Frozen c: (I don't know. I am lame.)




AdmiralKat says...


Thanks for the review! Me and Raven worked really hard on this so yeah XD



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Thu Jun 26, 2014 7:43 pm
SpiritedWolfe wrote a review...



Hello Katya and Raven, Wolf here for a review.

Is it sad that I laughed at this? To be honest, I found this more humorous than sad, since well, this goodhearted has been swapped for a new, power hungry one. This is the new HiSHE of Frozen! The twist is added in there phenomenally, but at one point I am confused. Why did she try to be nice to Anna? Like, I can understand she wants to lure her to a place where she can kill her without anyone seeing, but I find it hard to believe that with such a hardened heart now, that she would pull it off so easily. Possibly make it that Anna noticed something different, that Elsa's pleasure seemed more forced.

A few nitpicks:

Anna cracked a small smile. "But, what is she gonna do, freeze the whole country again?"

Here, it looks like Anna is going to let them in, so many change this to Kristoff or Olaf saying this. By the way, it is Kristoff, not Kirstof, so be sure to change that.
The staircase spiraled up to a unknown room, Anna didn't know what to do.

This is done in a few places, where a comma is used instead of a semicolon. Be careful for that. An easy way to check to make sure if a semicolon is used or not, is to replace a comma with a period. If it makes two complete sentences, then it need to be a semicolon instead of comma (or just leave it as a period).
...and saw a figure coming down the ice cold stairs. As the figure came down...

So this too is done in several different spots. There is certain places with unnecessary repetition. It's alright sometimes, but here it can easily be fixed by replacing the second 'the figure' with it. Other spots have little grammar or punctuation errors, but those can be fixed with an easy glance over *cough, cough* do it *cough, cough*.

Overall, I thought this was quite enjoyable, especially reminding me of After Ever After 2 with the evil Elsa. Nice job! (Sorry this was a bit short, I am slightly in a hurry) Keep Writing,
~Wolfare




AdmiralKat says...


Well. I have to say that Elsa was nice because she is a psychopath. One moment they are normal, the next you don't even know who they are!



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Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:44 pm
Kelpies wrote a review...



Wow. I am impressed. I suppose circumstances would harden Elsa's heart so... But it's still surprising. I wouldn't be surprised if Disney actually took the one you wrote and added on their usual happy ending. But they took Hans Christian Anderson's "The Snow Queen" and turned it all around. I like that you almost combined the characters from frozen, with the cold heart of "The Snow Queen". I found one minor error though. It is "top.Elsa" There should be two spaces between the period and Elsa. That's all. Keep up the good work!

~Kelpies




AdmiralKat says...


lol. that one little note at the end. just yeah. no space there.



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Thu Jun 26, 2014 6:43 pm
Cithara wrote a review...



Sad....sad...I am so sad. Very sad. The ending :(
This was a very good fanfiction, but ah, of course it must be about Frozen XD
The emotions were very good, and you included a lot of good descriptions.
I love how you changed Elsa's image to a more cruel person, because it adds more flair to the story :D
You should probably go back over and look at some of the sentences, because some of them don't start with capitalized words. I just suggest proofreading that again. Also a few sentences need to be changed:

"Suddenly, she fell forward. She put her hands out in front of herself. Unfortunately, she failed to catch herself." These sentences all start with "she". Avoid repetition and add her name in one of them instead.

"Each step was slippery, she tried to maintain her balance, but, stumbled several times." Either a semi colon needs to go here or you need to break the sentence into two. Just, two different ideas that aren't set apart correctly.

"Elsa's tone kept on changing. Tears fell down Anna's face, she was honestly afraid." This should also be set off with a semi colon, rather than a comma.

Those were just some nitpicks but the plot itself was wonderful!
Keep writing :D





I like nonsense, it wakes up the brain cells. Fantasy is a necessary ingredient in living, it's a way of looking at life through the wrong end of a telescope. Which is what I do, and that enables you to laugh at life's realities.
— Dr. Seuss